Navigations are at the top.
well it took me a while to realize the difference between virtual and reality...although i should have known as i have experienced it a few times...probably i m avoiding it? as in i dont wanna realize the truth...i realize that no matter how close u r with a person online...as u can chat like really really close frens...but in the end when u 1st time meet...the feeling is totally different...ur brain still register that person as a stranger...for instance, i m really close to this person online...we can chat for hours on msn n on d phone...we spill all our secrets...but then when we met d 1st time...its so awkward that we dont even talk @@ well maybe for some ppl its different bah as i known some who got to know each other on the web n gotten married...but for me its like this~no matter how close m i with 1 person online...i still will have a negative view of the person in real life...maybe i m frighten...cuz really ah...nvr c d person b4...how can some1 just ermm be totally frenly d 1st time they meet wor?guess i spend too much time virtually...i missed the reality part...as in when i like someone...i really like that person...but when i like someone online...in real life the feeling is all gone...covered up by fear n lost thoughts >< anywayz i was so uncomfortable that i put pepper in my coke ><" n i drank all of it...n everybody's eyes was like @@ *wat the hell?* lolx but it tastes hot hot..as in ermm pedas XD suits my mood that time though *it was hamsuplou's idea* well guess i was not ready for ermm a real 1....really sorry that i hurt a few ppl yesterday...im really sorry but i cannot force myself into it ><" i cannot let it go deeper...that would definately hurt more...so i chose to ermm tell yesterday...sorry ><" but i promise we r still friends right? we can hang out real life XD i think u would feel better after a few days...maybe the feeling is not as deep as u thought ^^ u will realize...guess that explains it for a few ppl bah ^^ ermm once again sorry ><" n we r still frens like last time ah ^^
Wednesday, July 27, 2005
好久没在这里写了...今天突然心血来潮想用华文来表达我所要说的话...可能因为华文比较能表达出来我的心思...有一些感情是无法用其他语言来表达的哦 XD 这几天...天气虽然不错,但我的心却不如此...它还是那么的脆弱...那么的容易受伤...一点点的事,或者一段电视节目里的情节,或者一首歌曲,都会让我流泪...真的搞不懂为什么...先把那放开吧 XD 我的学校每年都会庆祝国庆日...F5的同学都必须穿传统服装...我从F1开始就好期待哦 XD 今年终于轮到我们了 ^^ 我应该是会穿长服吧...其他的都不适合我...呵呵...好兴奋哦...可是穿了长服就必须梳两个可爱的包包...像春丽那样 >< 好不适合我...好好笑哦 @@ 不过没关系啦...因为这是我在学校的最后一年...一定要留念啊 ^^ 嗯...想念一个人好开心也好辛苦吧?这几天脑海里全都是他的影子...好想见到他...好久没那么想念一个人了...可是我又不懂对方会想念我吗?如果知道有一个人在想你的话,感觉很不错哦 XD 我听人家说...如果你在决定放弃这个世界的话,你就要想...这世界如果至少有一个人,只要一个人关心你...你就不可以这样子走掉...那对那个关心你的人很不公平...呵呵...所以在放弃前要想想哦 ^^
Monday, July 25, 2005
today is the dreaded practical piano examintion...really hate this day...makes me so nervous...well i failed last year...when u get to higher grades the examiner tend to be more strict n do mind about minor mistakes...well i didnt really practised last year as my scales sux...n i failed...its kinda sad but its predictable...so i had to retake it this year...the night before my scales n pieces were good...i made no mistakes in both of them...kinda glad i was prepared for it...but everything was different when i got there...gosh...1st i found out it was a female examiner *die die* they r more strict than men...thats wat i heard...n thats the truth ><" anywayz...i can predict this 1 too...cuz when its over...her face was so ermm frowned ><><" gosh~this sux...
Thursday, July 21, 2005
I dont know is it the weather or the rain that really drenched my heart...nowadays it jus seemed so cold n so windy until it's like a thorn in my heart...been bad mood almost everyday now ><" started of with a happy happy day...that i really cherished...but as the day goes on...it sucks...i really wanna play piano now ><" in a glass house alone...haixxxx~y m i so moody n yet i cant let it out on my piano...damn dad la...couldnt play cuz he wanna watch show...i really need to vend my anger...n ironicly...my scales were good...it's always good when i m moody...n vice versa...maybe i should be moody nx monday when i go for my practical exam...then i would play well n not panic...goshh...its like the feeling that u wanna cry but u couldnt cry out...n u couldnt find a reason to cry...its all bubbled up inside...growing...on d verge of exploding...ahhh~~!!!!
Saturday, July 16, 2005
today is a weird weird day ><" swtzz im supposed to go out with ahjie n ryu n saki they all to midvalley...well i was at d train station near my house...then i saw d train come jor ><" i wanna buy tickets then i realize i dont have enough small change...n d counter is close...*die die* n i faster run to my mom's car down there but she was driving away...goshh~lucky there was another car there...they keep honted my mom n point at me...pheww~ so embaressing ><" n i missed that train...then when i reach there ler...the movie ticket line was sooo long ><" well the show starts at 12.20 but saki was only on her way...when she arrived it was like 1250pm edi ><" n ryu is not there yet...so we went in 1st lor...we missed d front part of d show...well it wasnt that scary but ermm i m really afraid of horror movies...and then saki went with her mom n i was walking with ryu n ahjie they all...well although her mom is open minded yet its not good to let her c me with guys...n not good to let her c that those guys know saki...i went to mph to buy Harry Potter and the half blood prince which was out today XD but i cant wait to read wat's happening next but it's so ex ><" rm99.90 @@ hope it's worth it...then hor saki's mom n ryu they all stand side by side ><" swtswt me n saki were like...howhow?? n we ran off in another direction =P then when we were outside n i was walking with ryu they all suddenly saki called me n said...'Run!! my mom is behind u' @@ swtnya then i ran away...i was laughing like hell man...this is like in d movies where im running away from parents ><" well that was not weird yet...it was until i was alone on d train on my way back...halfway through an old grandma about the age of 60++ came in n started scolding n shouting @@ in a split second...the noisy passengers shut their mouth n stared at her...my eyes was soo big n i was so afraid..she talked about dono wat mother n father...n love...n dono how to do sex dont marry...n dono wat guy's cock ><" n she showed n imitated it...then she suddenly rub her body against the pole n sing =.= just like dirty dance...we were scared n in d same time beh tahan cuz we wanna laugh...we were all looking at each other n giggling ><" then suddenly she said dono she is kambing d husband is lembu...n she sang kambing mari mari @@ n d guy bside me beh tahan n laugh loud loud ><" gosh that was d longest train ride ever...wat a weird weird day @@
Tuesday, July 12, 2005
I havent posted anything in here for a long time...probably because i have nothing much to write...n i was lazy ><" kinda have my monthly tests now...as usual i didnt study ><" today i have been thinking of something...when i was young i would really make sure i studied finish that subject before going to sleep...i would never skipped anything...but now i dont really give a damn n i would just laze around...i know if i really put in effort i would produce very good results...it was very important for me last time...but how come i m not as competitive as before?getting lazier day by day n nobody scolded me...i know i didnt put in effort, i know that fact...but somehow my mind keep finding excuses to escape it...somehow i dont wanna face it ><" lolx there were times like this when i have strong spirit to work hard but it only lasted for like an hour? zzz~ anywayz...it was until howe kinda 'scolded' me today that made me realize (dont think he meant to scold but it really woke me up ><") after that i was soo pissed because somebody reminded me of that fact...at last somebody said it out instead of the usual 'nvmlaa~'...i was not angry at him...not at all..it was myself that i was angry at...why m i escaping this for so long...angry at myself for not facing it...angry at myself for denying the truth...i was so pissed that i ran to my piano n started practicing for my practical exam ><" gosh i think that was the longest time i sat in front of the piano n never thought of anything else...i never practiced piano...yet somehow i managed to pull it through all the while...but just now really shocked me...i kept wanted to practice n never even thought of stopping ><" i think i must really thank howe ^^ if not for him i wouldnt have been angry at myself...just hope that this is not a one-minute thing~goshh i really need scolding =P
Tuesday, July 05, 2005
dont know how come these few days my mood always down ><" at 1st its fine then something made me sad...n other things made me sadder...haix~human is liddat de mar? or only me alone? hmm nowadays abit also can cry edi...even hear 1 song only will make me think of something n cry...really hambao sia ^^" i always like to scold ppl de arh? probably i say ppl but i didnt try to think from another side...i really wanna view from both sides but i m really afraid to look from d other side n look at myself...its unfair huh? humans r liddat de...protective over ownself...maybe im too over jor ><" haix~ this stage izit always so moody de mar? u think u're sad n u're lonely n u have nobody...for me its true sia...my parents dont really care about me...they dont even look at me...not even once a day...look oso dont look jor...nonit to mention conversations bah~ n friends ler? i know some really care about me...but somehow i feel afraid...wat for? i m not sure...everything happens for a reason de mar ^^ just hope everybody is fine~
Sunday, July 03, 2005
XD these few days lazy to write =P but saturday de guild war really nice oh ^^ ethos geng XD...we break op n got back our castle ^^ hmm today...so happy XD i went to c lin jun jie's m'sia promo tour in Klang Parade...got to know this from sinyi...if not i oso dono he's coming ><" anywayz its suppose to start at 7pm...so i went at 6pm...hmm n i was with yingkiat n sinyi n frens XD at 730 they said he was on his way ><" then at 740 they said he is here...n then 10 mins later they said his flight got delayed so he is reaching in 10 mins time...zzzZzz~ at last he reached at bout 815 *swtz* waited so long jor...i stood near d speaker...so 1 side of my ear was like...*ouchh* waited for 2 hours ><" heard d whole album 2-3 times jor...but anywayz d wait was worth...when he appeared on stage...woahh all d tiredness r gone...n d fans was mad man XD screaming n pushing n shouting...i was bz taking pics XD he wore dark pink shirt n a jeans n a sunglasses...so so sweet n cute n shuai *love love* XD but sad sia...he nvr sing...haix~ i wanted to hear him sing live de...sobzzzz~ hmm then d autograph session begins...wow to get there we were squeezing man...squeeze like hell ><" then i got up there...hehes when its my turnnn...he signed my album (i bought b4 i went there =P) then he look up at me n shook my hand XD his hands r like big n warm n firm...eeee it's just so sweet...then he smiled at me XD his smile is so so so sweet man...got dimples XD like me liddat =P but his was heart melting...that that 5 secs was like wow ^^ hehes so sweet...his album is so nice man...normally in an album there's 2 super nice songs n a few nice songs n a few ok songs...but i lurveee all d songs...n its all like wow so nice XD must thank zhezhen korkor for introducing me mu nai yi n bei feng chui guo de xia tian...those 2 songs made me lurve his songs so much...this album is soo chun XD took a couple of pics...i was not in d front line but managed to get a couple...enjoy~ 
