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bloggie...i made up my mind edi...i really made up my mind...i thought about this for a long time...no courage to do this...but i must le...i really must...if not i will be hurt for a very very long time...i rather pain for a while than keep getting hurt...i always shut 1 eye...but i still see the truth...i cannot escape it...
well u c...i m the kind of person that really wants attention =P maybe its something i start to yearn for since young...my family wouldnt care about me...from young my dad wont talk to me...n my mom seldom talk to me too...sigh~ i told u le bah bloggie? they even told me they regretted giving birth to me...cuz of that i really want someone to care for me...i really want attention...n those ppl who care for me leave me 1 by 1 le...all got their own commitments ^^ but im glad to have them as frens...even so i know i shouldnt bother them de...but someone...someone...i thought...sigh~ if i never msg/call/sms...that someone wont de...i always tell myself i must hold on...but everytime my tears will start dropping...even as i m writing now...i cannot control my tears...how come other ppl can treat me better? how come when i m sad the person who comfort me is other ppl? how come when i really want someone that person is not free? how come that person can lie to me? n how come that person can treat other ppl better? arghhh~ i really dont wanna care le...i give up...i really give up...
i made up my mind le...i give up ^^ i wont chat on msn anymore...n i will keep my phone away...lolx maybe my fate is to be alone...my fate~ n i cannot change it...alot of times le i tot at last i m gona escape from the loneliness that surrounds me since since as long as i can remember...but then it will always follow me...haha~ i might as well live with it...gonna be isolated from this world...i can take it ^^ i already live with it so long le...jus that i shed tears everynite...my heart broken so many times le...its like a very very delicate glass...u can jus smash it n it will shatter into pieces...it had already shatter into many pieces...lolx~
ahh...i think i will leave my msn in that mode...i also lazy to check le...my ro zenny gona finish too...n i cannot earn money now...so heck care bah i dont wanna reload...ermm but once in a while i will blog de XD sometimes i just need to tell everything out...ermm~ ok...so i must be really really determined!! my heart cannot cannot cannot be so soft le ><"
ermm to all my frens...lolx good luck in everything u do ^^ take care okie? hope one day i will recover...byebye ^^
Monday, September 26, 2005
oohh ohhh!!! i m soooo glad i found this song...Heaven Knows by Daniel...Malaysian Idol 2 XD
weee~ well at 1st i wasnt into following every episods of m'sian idol...then szehowe was like telling me everyweek daniel n farah cannot be voted off cuz he lurves them...n 1 day i was so sien only i switched on the tv...n i saw this daniel fella not bad ^^ but his singing not ermm dynamite...lolx
well then i started hearing him sing those soft n sentimental n romantic songs i totally fell in lurve with it!! eeee...
when he sang during the grand finals last friday...those love songs by him really melts my heart...i was just staring at him n savouring his voice n all his words XD jus as paul moss said...his soft singing really kills gurls! eeeeeeeee.....lolx =P
so i m soo happy to have found this song...i dont wanna attach the video clip cuz it comes with the harsh comments from the judges ><"
anywayz...enjoy ^^
Heaven Knows
by Rick Price
She's always on my mind
From the time I wake up
Till I close my eyes
She's everywhere I go
She's all I know
And though she's so far away
It just keeps getting stronger everyday
And even now she's gone
I'm still holding on
So tell me, where do I start
'Coz it's breakin' my heart
Don't wanna let her go
Maybe my love will come back someday
Only heaven knows
And maybe our hearts will find a way
But only heaven knows
And all I can do is hope & pray
'Coz heaven knows.
My friends keep telling me
That if you really love her
You've gotta set her free
And if she returns in time
I'll know she's mine
But tell me, where do I start
'Coz it's breakin' my heart
Don't wanna let her go
'Coz heaven knows
Why I live in despair
'Coz wide awake or dreamin'
I know she's never there
And all the time I act so brave
I'm shakin' inside
Why does it hurt me so?
Heaven knows... Heaven knows
Sunday, September 25, 2005
today its my school's majlis restumu kejayaanku...or ermm better known as convocation day XD something like graduation day? hmm its when they wish us good luck for SPM n we get all our certificates...well at 1st it was sien hearing all those speeches =P i really wanted to sleep...but then those ppl giving speech from the stage can c ><" so i tahan tahan XD *notti me =P*
hmm then we had to go up 1 by 1 wearing the robe lurh...to take our certificate...looks weird ler...the robe so short ><" those super tall ppl wearing small size robe looks like sakai XD like nvr wear pants liddat...dam funny...lucky mine was size XL so i dont look that weird...keke...n oh my name was pronouced wrongly ><" really funny...i really wanna laugh when taking the cert...ahhh..yeah...our headmistress wore the robe too...bigbig 1 n the hat...*heyyyy we dont get to wear the hat...sobzzz T.T* she looks like an owl =P *shhhhh* like those wise wise old owl...lolx...
ermm then there was performance...n then it was the wishing well session...where all the teachers n parents make 1 bigbig circle around the ballroom...n the students had to go to them 1 by 1 n they wish us luck...wahh my fren havent even start shaking hands with the 1st person already cry...by the 2 or 3rd person she was crying @@" eyes red n sobbing n all ><" jia lat...the person in front of me was being all sentimental n hugged every single one n crying...n the person behind me was crying ><" but weird though...i dont feel sad nor feel like crying...i jus smiled to each of them n said thx =) but when i reached my ex teachers n my teachers i felt sad ><" they were crying n they recognized me n they said i will remember u...n i wont forget u T.T waaaa~ that made my eyes water...but i still didnt cry...here i would like to say thx thx thx thx thx alot to all my teachers who taught me...although they r not gona read it...n it sounds weird...but im really grateful...thx alot for teaching me...ermm n sorry for being such a bad student ><" i wont forget u guys too ^^
well that was over n we went to jusco to watch movie...i was still in my prefect's uniform n i was the only one in it ><" *xia suii* we watched flight plan...it was chun man...normally i dont watch that kinda movie but it really had me convinced n it was very very intriguing...rox XD ermm then there was guild war...its nice ^^ enjoyed it...i was suppose to go to my sis's hubby's bro's daughter's *apologies for the long long names XD* full month celebration...but my dad was lazy...then i oso find excuse dowan to go lurh =P
then m'sian idol! yeahh~~!! daniel won!!! ermm welllll i know la nita's performance was better >"< gurls ="P" screaming ="P">
ermm then there was football...lolx...long time nvr watch edi...today was manU vs blackburn...when i saw it was blackburn 1...then i watched lor...then Ruud scored!!!! wee...i screamed again... =P i think the neighbours must have heard...keke~ but then they lost....sighhhhhh~ sux la...lost 2-1 to blackburn T.T
oopsssssss....this post is getting too long...i better sign off XD keke~
Saturday, September 24, 2005
sighh...this post is such a contrast to a previous 1...
here i m...crying again...really sick of it...
n yeah i dont have anybody to cry to...i dont have anybody to talk to...
i really hope someone can talk to me right now...at least i wont feel that sad
but im jus wishing...
to think of it i m really all by myself...
it really hurts u know? ur heart is hurting n there is no one there to comfort u...
not even the one that u wished for...sigh~
this song really suits my mood now...
its an old old song...1st heard it in Meteor Garden II i think ><" when dao ming si is so lonely...
All By Myself
Eric Carmen
When I was young
I never needed anyone
And makin love was just for fun
Those days are gone
Living alone
I think of all the friends I've known
But when I dial the telephone
Nobody's home
All by myself
Don't wanna be, all by myself anymore
All by myself
Don't wanna live, all by myself anymore
Hard to be sure
Some times I feel so insecure
And love so distant and obscure
Remains the cure
All by myself
Don't wanna be, all by myself anymore
All by myself
Don't wanna live, all by myself anymore
Thursday, September 22, 2005
bloggie XD i m feeling so happie today ^^
lolx this is funny...very seldom i m happy liddat de ler XD rare to find me so happy ^^
the feeling's like u wanna sing a song u like out aloud...keke~ *oopss i think i repeated the yuan xin for so many times edi ><"* =P
hmm maybe its the weather...cloudy n gona rain ^^
i lurve this type of weather...gets me into the mood...weeeee~
oooooo...i hear thunder ^^ XD but no good ler...all my bots gona suck =.=
weee i skipped school again =P bad gurl...notti notti mee
orh yeah....forgot something....another person left me edi T.T
my tanny/xines korkor go UK to study jor...sighh~
lucky he called me b4 he took off...if not i feel dam guilty ><" SOBZ...sorry T.T
good luck there oh korkor...all the best ^^
remember to keep in touch yea...
when u come back le remember to tell me XD gonna miss u ^^
Tuesday, September 20, 2005
school today is BORING! so freakin' sien lerr.......beh tahan edi....
lemme c...4 teachers nvr come...2 teachers came in n sit there...1 teacher must help her do things...n 1 more gave paper...
wahsehhh~ its like nothing to do the whole day...talking with frens...gossiping...n i was having a major headache...n it is impossible to study with all those noise n the headache!!
well my add maths paper 1 was err.....average...not to say very good...well but i was kinda pleased with it..
but my bio!! wahseh...i checked the objective arh...i wanna cry edi!! SOBZZ~
we had nothing to do mar...so i was talking with my fren...n i think i had another attack of Mad Cow Disease!! ><"
i was wailing n half crying...n ruining her paper n talking crap there.... ><" xia sui =P
kerlian her...for 2 periods have to put on with me...this this chee sin siao po @@"
too sad n too bored edi...
ARGHH~~ shouldnt have gone to school....siennzz
Monday, September 19, 2005
sigh...i guess i cannot escape the reality cuz i have to face it sooner or later...
53 days...
well...for now if u think think...november is so far away...
but when u count properly...53 days is very very very near!!!!!!!!!!!
HELP~~~~~~ panic mode jor >"<
alot of pressure @@" i cannot break my record....cannot break ><" or else...sighh~
53 days....cannot play play edi...must SERIOUS! XD
just think....53 days more then i will be free~!! weeeeee ^^
goshh....y m i talking to myself =.= sot jor =P
wish me luck yea bloggie XD
Sunday, September 18, 2005
G'morning bloggie...lolx...seldom see me up so early during weekends huh? XD hmm...later going times square to c 5566 ^^ well although im not a big fan of them...i wanna shop go gai gai =P i dono i will go n c them anot *blekkk =P* anywayz...im supposed to go at around 12pm? siewying lor! wake me up at 9am...so early >.<" err its my fault oso de la i ask her to call me de after she called meilin XD but then i cannot sleep back arhh~ i wanna sleep in my comfy comfy bed with my bolster ><" yawnzz~
Thursday, September 15, 2005
Sighh...sighhhhh~ bloggie ahh...that's all i can say ><" nowadays i very lonely...it's like this void...this strange nothingness i m going through...so empty...so so...alone...
lolx...dont know all my frens run where edi @@" my bestest cousin ler now very bzbz with my good fren jor...both of them dont even have time for me now ><" somemore now they chat with me all /... nothing to say to me de =.=
then ler...got someone so bz...i m also bz wor...how come dont even have time...dont even have 5 mins mar? y everything seem to have changed? waiting is a very very suffering process...sighh~
i woke up at 4am this morning n i felt like...i m all alone...suddenly i felt like crying again...sigh~ i tried to control my tears but it kept dropping down...i only have my bolster...my faithful bolster...thx alot *muaxx* without my bolster i really dont know what to do with my tears...
i think i dont wanna care anymore...i give up trying...if its meant to be...its meant to be...at least i know i still have my dear bolster...
Sunday, September 11, 2005
keke...had to blog today cuz i was damm sleepy last nite ><" i nvr sleep the night before n i went out whole day @@ hmm...antivirus/30sec came to M'sia with his fren yesterday XD so he came n meet us lorh~ well he so good come so i go gvg with them lor =P ermm...afternoon i went to watch movie XD The Cave...ermm it was short...but it was nice though XD i like the storyline...intriguing ^^ i thought that guy was bad cuz he was mutating into a demon ><" but in the end he sacrificed for them all T.T *sobzzz* n the ending was shocking @@" lolx~ nice show XD
ermm then we went to inferno...szehowe n kigami there XD lolx kigami dam cute sia...c him play game like c small kid with a new game liddat XD he's like a kid with a candy ^^ *=P dont kill me ah hahaha~* then i met blessing, fujiwara, cherry, anti n his fren XD lots of ppl oh XD didnt think so many ppl would show up ^^ we played gvg together...but very disturbing lerrrrr!! last 30 mins me, xane, szehowe n kigami's ro keep hang!!!!! only ours =.= hang edi dc...*swttzzz* war was no good =.= but it was fun ah playing with so many ppl ^^
keke...then we went to yumcha at asia cafe XD hmm...jus normal yumcha lor ^^ chatting...then kigami took pics ><" i went back around 11 =P notti me XD then i was sooo tired i slept after that XD very happy can meet my guildsmate ^^
Saturday, September 10, 2005
sighh~ nowadays so many ppl leaving *sobzzz* all leave me alone geh ><"
Dannie go USA edi...somemore never tell me ler!! should've told me so i can say a decent byebye to u mar *sobbbbzzz T.T* anywayz....hope u have a save journey n all the best yea! XD n hope u faster come back ^^ dont know u will see this anot oso keke...anywayz good luck XD
Gan go aus le~ sighh...nx time no more gan T.T i was sleeping so didnt get much chance to say byebye *sobb* sorry ><" somemore dont know when u coming back ler...must come back lorrr! i dont care =P ermm...good luck n everything u do kay? lolx take care there ^^
wahh~ i too sien...woke up so early today ><" sigh~ byebye
Thursday, September 08, 2005
Hey bloggie...long time no c~ bahh...im bz with my exams nowadays...*faintt* spm trials...swt sia...cant believe...trials edi i still havent prepare!! i somemore study 1 day before the exam ler! wakakakaa~ i think i m getting madd! my sleeping time is upside down~ *as usual <_<* hmm lemme c....i wake up at 6 n go to school...come back at 2...then sleep till 9...n study till 5...n sleep for 1 hour =.= but then at nite i only got mood to study de ler XD so peaceful n quiet...no distractions...ah~ can concentrate more XD
oh yeah anywayzz...i wanna laugh at myself!! hahaha~ this exam is ermm setara de...so lots of schools sitting the paper...ermm sure got soalan bocor de...since the 1st exam i already get the tips n its 100% spot on =.= n YET i cannot answer !! hahahahaha~ *goshhh~ mad cow disease* hmm i dont know how to explain ler...i know the answer is wat but i dont know wat the question wants =.= n sometimes i dont even get wat they ask @@
today is a bad bad example....lets see...physics! hmm when we study hor...normally u read the topic...then u read the definition u understand it then u read the most popular example hor? i mean if u r rushing =P well thats wat i did...i just read the most popular example n i ignored the rest... =.= haha....lemme show u
1. ketumpatan....well i saw about the hidrometer part...then i read i felt like 'eee so hard to understand...heck care la wont come out' then i dowan to read....then when i flipped open the paper!! *omgg!!!!!!* dammmm~ i should have read =.=
2. Prinsip archimedes...the prinsip bout how ships can float on water...so i read lor how they float...then the last last small small part got 3 sentence explain bout floating on diff types of waters like ocean n river...i jus read through...dont even bother to understand...n when i turned the page n saw the 2 pics they give - ship that floats on ocean and ship that floats on river....DENGG!
3. Prinsip pascal...sigh~ i lazy to read the examples cuz all so hard to understand...n i was rushing cuz i aint got much time so i just read the hidraulik part...then i saw the pam hidraulik...i jus c the picture n *ohhh...i get it...i think? heck care la wont come out~* but thennnnn!! i saw the 2nd part of the question i was gona do n i let my mouth drop @@ wahsehh~ 3 edi
4. that's not all!! about the inteference de...how come the airplane is quiet...all i know is the gelombang find the gelombang n memusnahkannya ><" well i understand la...but then i dont have points to write....zzzzz aiyah u all can guess la....i saw the question i =.= *how come i didnt bother to readd!*
WAAA~~~~ wanna laugh n cry edi la T.T if i read then i can get high marks for my essay part...but all i wrote was CRAPS~ i dont even know if i got it correct anot....really zha dou...all those examples that i glimpse through all came out! *fainttt~*
Sunday, September 04, 2005
hmm...that word is soo ermm such a stranger to me...lolx...nowadays my sleeping time is upside down again...zzz ><" cant sleep early...i cannot sleep de ler...even if i sleep also i will wake up around midnite...then slack around until 6am again then only fall asleep ><"
anywayz...tmr my xines korkor ask me to go breakfast with my taekwondo frens...nvr c them for such a long time edi wor ><" i nvr attend tkd classes a few months after i got my black belt @@ that was like...2 years ago? =P lazy XD i keep telling them i will go back...n i wanna go back...to keep fit! if not i will grow fat XD but i cannot find time ah~ somemore nobody fetch me...nx year bah...oh yeah the breakfast thingy...wanna go mar? i think the last time i saw them was this year's cny ^^ but i feel so ermm weird ><" didnt really talk much...somemore 1 of my sir cant even recognize me anymore ler @@ awkward ahhh....those that i m close with last time also nvr talk to them le...how how? throw coins mar? @@ i wanna go ah..cuz xines korkor going to uk edi...no more chance to c him *sobbzz* how lerr? to go or not to go? sighhh~ dilemma...i cannot wake up at 7am de ler ><" if i wanna go means i cannot sleep now...
arghh~ go study!! wat m i doing here somemore ah...say wanna study from 9pm still not yet move my heavy butt...grrrr~ must punish !! cannot sleep tonight~ weeee! bio XD
Friday, September 02, 2005
My tears dropped again without me knowing...y m i so vulnerable? im crying out of no reason again...im stupid aint i? y m i torturing myself like that? why~ i always tell myself to stop thinking this way...to stop acting dumb...but i cant...i just cant...
Thursday, September 01, 2005
sighh~ dont know wat happen to me these few days...1st 1st i cannot sleep for ermm 1 week edi? *sobbz* last nite i tried to tire myself...n then when i slept at 4 i still cant sleep =.= my dam air cond spoiled n i was hothothot!! but i still cant sleep...when i woke up at 6 its like i slept for 5 mins nia ><" n then i had this big big ulcer at the back of my tongue...at the side there ><" bside the sharp tooth! so its always rubbing together n its sooo pain @@ even when i swallow my saliva it hurts alot ><" well thats not it...im beginning to get gastric! sigh~ u know how hard it feels when u r hungry but dont have the appetite to eat? *sobbz~* how m i gona eat with that big ulcer...i practically had to swallow the whole of my food without chewing it....WaaAaaa~ helpp!! sighh~ if i continue like this im gonna be sick...somemore in the mid of trials man! today its already suffering to take my bm paper @@...help? T.T