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haix bloggie...
very lonely ler...day after day i wake up
hoping for that certain someone...but then i can just hope...
yea...hope n out of reach...
i just...feel so lonely n sad...
not used to having no one to chat with...
yea last time i was a msn freak...
now no one to chat with me le...
sad ya know...cant tell ur sadness to anyone...
just weep in the corner
dono whether i'll be able to go out tmr anot ><"
now that the pain is gone...cant really feel unless i move alot @@"
n i have to wait till nx saturday until i can take off the bandage...
i think hor got bleed inside sia @@" cuz i saw something on the bandage
sighh...very sienz...i think i'll go back to sleep
haixxx...
Friday, December 30, 2005
bloggie...i m home...
actually i feel rather normal...just like any other day...except the pain on my wound...which is excruciatingly painful ><"
anywayz i was supposed to be there at 830...
then register edi they told me doctor not here...then wait till 10am which was supposed to be my operation time...they told me they got no bed for me...wth =.=
n then 11++ they told me the lift out of order...zzz i waited at the hall for like 3 hours sia...wat is wrong with them!!
12++ only they fetch me up to prepare me =.=
wahseh i feel so naked man...wearing only a piece of cloth which is visible from the back ><" can c my ass edi =.=
hmm they pushed me into the operation room...n the spotlight was so big n bright...the anaesthetist was preparing to put me to sleep ><"
at 1st they poke a needle/tube on my left hand...those thingy where they drip liquid or inject in ><" wahseh dam pain!! its like they push sooo deep inside n soo hard...
i was shouting 'ouch ouch' there...but then hor...there's this funny thing about me...
since young whenever i fall down or feel pain or knock myself i will laugh =.= laugh like siao po de...maybe i think that laughing can relieve the pain...although i feel dam pain i still laugh @@"
so hor after he poke in the thingy i was halfway 'ouch'-ing n laughing...
the doctor n nurses all looked at me n asked me 'ehh u feel pain or feel nice now? y keep laughing 1?'
then i said 'very pain ahh...' in the meantime laughing ><"
then he said 'where got ppl pain laugh de?'
then i said 'ohh normally i will laugh when i feel pain'
'ohh new tactic la then...pain that time laugh' then everybody was laughing =.=
he inject something into the tube in my hand then he said 'i'll give u some oxygen to breathe'
when the nurse force that thingy on me i was like @@" suffocating ><"
i was thinking how come oxygen so strong smell de...cheat me!! not oxygen */pif*
then i wanted to push her hand away ><" but i tried to relax n breathe in n out...so suffering @@" after that i was looking up n said 'hey...i thought im supposed to fall aslp?'
right after that i cant remember anything...
the next thing i remember was them crossing my hands on my chest n several ppl saying 'finish edi...finish'
i was like @@"?? i opened my eyes n saw im being pushed out of the operation room...
the doctor asked me 'pain ah?' that time i didnt even know that the operation is done =.=
when he said it's over only i realize the pain on my wound =.=
after im back to me ward i can sit up edi ><" i was like wanting to sit up
but the nurse said 'sleep...sleep la' i pretend to sleep a while then woke up again...
she saw me n said 'sleep la!!' ><" faint...
only then i saw my wound n i was like @@"
oh yeah that lump was blardy big @@" i felt it normal n small...
how i know hor ><" dam big sia...i c oso scared ><" i kept 'yeeeeee' all the way
anywayz i dono which is more painful...the tube on my arm or the wound there ><"
shucks...1 of the nurses was soo rough...when she pulled my tube out it bled like hell @@"
dam pain...i cant even feel my hand anymore ><"then blood was oozing out...she used the gauze n pressed soooo hard @@" faint la...
anywayz im back at home...got mc till nx saturday...
cant bathe for 3 days ler!!! imagine how smelly i will be @@"
yeeshh...sighh when i was in the ward i was alone...
mom went home edi...left me alone there...sighh so lonely...
luckily i brought my harry potter book...
still pain sia the thing ><" i wonder how pain it would be if i nvr take the painkiller ><"
sighh...haixxx...
oh yeah my blood test results came out...well expected though...B+ =.=
maybe wat foo said was right...mosquitos like B type....cuz those who got most mosquito bites is B type blood de XD
ahh...i think i'll eat my dinner n painkiller then sleep lorrr....
nitezz bloggie~!!
err...dono ler?
bloggie ah...haix...
i dowan to say anything edi...
sometimes when i think that certain ppl will read...it's better not to ermm offend them lol...
at least nowadays i feel better...
n nobody can advise me de la...
once i really like someone...i will wait...wakakaka =P
long time never feel like this edi oh...sometimes when u willing to do things for that certain someone u will feel happy if u c him/her happy ^^ even though it hurts u alot...
bahh im crapping...ignore me ah
but then to think of the old times...thinking back of those promises u made with ppl...
sighh...wat a waste...so naive that time to think that it's gona come true...
u're gonna live happily ever after...but it's actually empty...
maybe im scared for tomoro...
but to tell the truth i dono y im not really scared...im actually looking forward to it! XD
lolx...siao de me...im curious...always get to see those scenes in shows nia...
i will dress in that thingy...then they push me inside...then i will c few nurses n doctors around me looking at me...
then give me that thingy to breathe....then i will zzzz slowly...
lolx 1st time ppl make me sleep...wanna c how it feels...i wonder wat will i dream of ler?
but i dread the moment i wake up...sure will feel pain de ><"
n then i will be alone..sighh~
anywayz...i took my undang today...
i waited for like 2 hours for my turn @@" scary ler...i was sitting near the counter...
n everybody come out i c them circle gagal...
i think hor...if i really count only 2/10 lulus ler...
then i was thinking...how come so hard to pass 1 mer ><" y so many ppl fail de @@" i tot it's supposed to be ez to pass?
then i went in n take lor...hmm got around 8 questions dono how to do...but i was thinking can pass le bah if i get 42 ><"
i finished in like 10 mins =.= no good to go out so early...triple checked then i beh tahan the red wording of - masa anda tinggal xx:xx minit lagi keep blinking down there *grrr* then i click end session lor...
i got 49/50 XD weeee...so shocked c i can get so high...lolzz...that 1 question wasted sia...i know which 1 i got wrong...
then my teacher was like...wahh so high ah @@" cuz the other 3 i came with got 2 failed ><" somemore get 17/50 @@" faint...
n when i got back i forgot to bring my keys thus i was locked outside my house =.=
that fella ask me yumchar with him i dowan ><" keep avoiding him @@"
so sienz sit outside my house for so long @@"
haix dono i wanna sleep anot...these few days im too sien...
back to reading books...now reading harry potter n the half blood prince again...
everytime see my friends go out shop / watch movies / yumchar...
sighh...to think of it i really have so little friends...nobody ask me out de =.=
haix...sux...now hor i really wanna go overseas jor
hope i get good results next year so i can go australia to study...
cant bear to stay in m'sia anymore...really hurts...
i'll go continue reading my book oh...
***
if u gave me one chance to tell you how i was feeling
i would sing to you and tell you
i wont live my life without you
if u gave me one chance to tell you how i was feeling
i would hold your hand and look in your eyes
and u know i'll never let you go
***
nitez bloggie...tmr night i will be back le bah? XD
hope i dont get to stay at the ward too long ><"
Wednesday, December 28, 2005
.....
nothing to say...
really dono wat to say...
its raining heavily now...
really wanna stand under it...
but then cant do it in front of my parents...
i really dono how to put this situation...
i wanna go far far away but i just cannot leave it...
it hurts alot alot to think that all that care is just for a friend...
that the situation is not wat it seems...
its my fault...y m i so dumb?
the time turn back to 2 months ago le...
let it be that i havent recovered bah
haixxxxx....my imagination very strong de ler...
no matter how much i try to erase it my mind keeps playing a movie of them...
those of u who read this...
just think that u r reading some stranger's diary okie?
dont ask me anything dont pity me dont advise me or anything...
friday morning operation le...
wish me luck yea...nono wish me bad luck...
hope it's cancerous n then i can die fast!
operation nobody pei so kerlian sia...
who can come then come visit me oh /gg XD
pantai medical centre klang...30 dec - 9am
aftermath
sigh...not used to it...
when i woke up i still have the thought that i dont wanna let it go...
i still want it back...
y m i being so selfish?
really not used to it when i know there's no one by my side...
haix...have to go prepare for operation le...
wish me luck oh ^^
...
never in my right mind would i thought that only after 2 months n 6 days i would go through the same process again...
i knew i shoudnt have...i really shoudnt have...y m i so stubborn?
y did i allow myself to fall in love again...
it's dumb of me...i dono wat got into me...
but maybe wat they say is true...
if u really love someone u would want him/her to be happy...
it's not me to be doing this...i thought i should be selfish
but i cant...i know there's no point trying so hard...
for the past few days i tried so hard to convince myself
now that i've known the truth i know that this cannot go on...
there's no point being with somebody if his heart is not with u...
i thought of it before...i would rather let myself be the one who suffer than seeing other ppl hurt...
now im all alone again...as i've always been...
this time is really alone...2 months ago there was someone to accompany me throughout the painful night...
that was a mistake...
how naive i was in believing that he said he would prove it to me...
i shouldnt have believed myself...i know i cant trust myself...
i dont know how many weeks i'll go on crying again...
such a coincidence...it's starting to rain...
but this time i really sure of 1 thing...
.
Tuesday, December 27, 2005
...
i dont know wat to do i really dont...
i dont get it...how come it will turn out this way?
its always the same...i thought it would change...
but it's still the same aint it?
still back to square one...
how come im so stupid?nothing's changed...it aint gonna change too
yet every new beginning i believe...
all that belief ends up in despair...
just ignore my posts...im being paranoid again...
maybe cuz i just drank vodka...abit drunk now...
Monday, December 26, 2005
X'mas gathering...
hi bloggie...abit moody nowadays...
dont even have to mood to blog ><"
anywayz....last weekend was the Xmas gathering for ethos/edc members from singapore n malaysia...
well...saturday we went times square n then the theme park then went back to their suite in The Legend Hotel in KL to celebrate...played cards...xchanged presents...
sighh no mood that time la ><" really no mood during the whole ermm gathering...
then went to mamak till around 3 liddat only went back to szehowe's house n played cards again then sleep lor...
err sunday ler we went to 1Utama n eat at chili's but i dowan to eat sia cuz i know i cant finish such a big portion n it's way too expensive...dowan to waste...after that shopped...
then went back...suppose to eat seafood de but they go too far jor me n saki cant follow....
saw some familiar faces...n saw some new faces...ermm still no mood that time ><"
really sorry ^^" i was like isolating myself from others...really sux sia...
anywayz...i lost weight again...i lost around 10kgs in the past few months...
shucks...everyday i weigh myself its like 1kg lesser =.= faint...
i think my hormones too messed up edi @@"
oh yeah...i have to do operation to remove the lump thingy...zzz
scared...scared...but abit disappointed im not gonna die lolxx =P
sighh....
n i registered taylor's college today...used up so much money...
feel sorry for my parents...my college fees so much edi...somemore they gona renovate new house...not forgetting my operation which costs few k @@" sighh...
school starting next week sia...so fast...i scared i still no mood
then went to sunway pyramid...was avoiding my mom =.= cuz i was with twinkie
went to mamak to drink...n then hor zzzz...dowan to say le
wanna say sorry to twinkie ><"
piffzz so suey...must ask my mom to fetch me sia @@"
dono ppl saw anot ><"
oh yeah...1 more sad thing sia...
prepared so many xmas presents for so many ppl...
i get none in return =.= except the xchange presents part la...
but still...haix...maybe im supposed to get presents from ppl...same thing happen during my b'day lolx...doubt nx year will be any better
ahhhhhhhhhhh!!! im in such a mess...having been lonely for such a long time
n i have so many problems
everytime i wake up i feel so...haix...
haihz~
Friday, December 23, 2005
lalala
Swollen Lymph Nodes - Cancer Symptoms
The lymph node will be enlarged and hard. - yeap it is hard alrighty
The lymph node will not be tender to the touch. - yeap
The gland will commonly have a bumpy feel to it. - yeah
The lymph glands will usually be non-movable. - cant move it
A connected chain of these lymph glands together is common. - recently i found another 1 connected to it
The lymph glands will not change size quickly. - yeap long time nvr change size
woot...all 6 got...
hahahahaha no doubt sia...
dont wanna look further jor...wait for saturday then....
then it's official wakakakaka...
i m mad =.= dono y so happy =.=
too chee sin jor...
just ignore me kay? XD
life sux...
dont wanna explain further
wat i know i just know bah...i guess humans will know at 1 point in their life
u know wat i really want now? is for saturday to come faster
so i can go to the hospital n check...
n the doctor will tell me i have a serious disease...YAY!!
n i cant live anymore....then i will die
wahahahahahaha~ its no joke la...
if i wont die oso i still have the ermm dono wat is that called
heck...
my life meaningless le lor...
Thursday, December 22, 2005
I hate myself
bloggie arh...
i really hate myself...y do i always put myself in such misery?
havent eaten for more than 24 hours le...
dont think im gonna eat for another 24 hours...
dono y when im sad im not in the mood to do anything...
i just wanna lie on my bed n cry...
havent cry out loud for a long time le...
u know how much it hurts?
its funny that i really dont wanna continue living anymore but im afraid to leave this world eh?
lolz...really not in the mood to chat with anyone right now...
not even my closest friend...when im sad i usually find someone to comfort me
but now i feel like all of them r annoying...sorry to say that...
maybe i just annoy myself...i know i sux...
sorry...really sorry...
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
Yawnzz...
hie bloggie...
im still dead bored at home...cant find anything to entertain myself
anywayz...this morning i woke up early ^^
went to school to get my results certified @@" n get my sijil berhenti sekolah as well..
i dont have any other pants so i had to wear the white pants ><" n its very very lose...plus i lost 6kg @@" n my waistline got smaller ><" so the pants was dropping
n my shirt wasnt that long either...so can c my ermm midriff abit ><"
all the way i was pulling my shirt man @@" dono how come i feel like im doing sth wrong...
anywayz i got to the office n pn asiah was there =.= the discipline teacher =.=
the 1 that called my house to hunt me down n scolded me in front of 40 prefects...yeah she hates me...
when i was waiting for my sijil she asked me 'apa kamu buat di sini?'...the bo song tone =.= its like scolding me jor ><"
then i said take my sijil lor...then she asked y that day nvr take ><"
then i told her there was mistake...n she stared at me with her fierce fierce eyes ><" @@"
sobzzz...im done in that school!! FINISHED...graduated...y does she still hate me so much!!
then pn.fauziah was there n she certified my forecast results....
she's nice...totally opposite from pn asiah...she smiled at me n said thank you ^^
so nice ^^ pifzz sia not like pn asiah...dono wat's her problem ><"
i wont give her anymore problems jor still hate me so much ><"
heck la...
lemme c...tmr gotta go tesco n shop shop shop for xmas presents XD
1st time celebrate xmas =.= faint la...
gotta get lots of things ><" dono got enough money anot *helpp!!*
im soooo broke...sighh im gona rot at home la!
i wanna go outtttttttttttt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
anywayz...today twinkie start working le...
xin gu ni le twinkie...muaxxx `xoxo XD
dont tire urself oh ^^ get enough rest <3>
sienz...few more hours only twinkie come back ><"
dono wat to do later....
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
Bored...
yawnzz...bloggie i m sooo bored...
i should adjust back my sleeping time...now that school's around the corner...
sigh cant wait for the new beginning...
even so im sick n tired of life..y is life so tiring?
makes me think about life u know...y m i alive? wat's my purpose of living?
sighh...sienz...m i so different from other person?
pardon me for being dumb again...thinking bout those dumb statements =.=
im too free...u know how bored it is to be stuck at home?
cant drive...mom's not home...so i cant go anywhere...cuz i certainly cant rely on my dad to fetch me...talking to him give me shivers...
let's see...wat's today's topic?
ahh im lazy to type anymore...
different ppl have different personality...
n my personality...lolz...
haixxx...
makes me even wonder...
ahh
im just crapping...
i feel so...........
nvm la
i'll go find other things to do then~
Sunday, December 18, 2005
Driving...
yawnzz...got up at 7++ today...
n when my dad knocked my windows...i was like 'wat's his prob? y wake me up so early?'
then i asked him...y wake up so early? then he told me the undang thingy
only i realize!! wahseh...such a sleepyhead ><"
anywayz...kinda funny though...i didnt know anything at all...
my fren just helped me register...lolz i give name n ic nia XD
then today went to siew ying's house then the fella fetch us from there...
wahseh...now only i know the importance of handphone...my mom's phone n my phone was out of credit...0.00...cant make any calls...when i cant find her house...i was like @@" how how how?! lucky she called ><
hmm...the ceramah is in kapar...which is farr!! i know that when i was standard 2...
when i gone to a primary school there...for 1 year...n every morning i gotta wake up early @@" cuz takes a long long time to go there ><"
oh yeah...i saw alot of friends n some familiar ppl...let's c...there's sue jane n latifah from my school...n there's this guy whom i cant remember i know him from where ><" but i remembered at last that he's from st.john...lolz im sooo out of touch...n there's this primary 6 classmate!! he is freakin annoying n super sensitive!!! everybody avoided him man...if u dont wanna be friends with him he will cry! n he will hit u n such..think he got mental prob ><"
the ceramah at 1st was not that sienz la..he was strict...n the class was small ><"
but during the end...around afternoon that time...my eyelids were dropping ><" cant control...somemore he off the lights...aircond so cold...perfect environment to sleep !! sheesh...at last it was over...n the person fetch me back ><"
since i stayed the furthest...i am the last 1...in that small kancil with that uncle @@"
he told me lots of things lolz...i feel awkward ler ><" faint sia...but then lucky i reached home le XD
hmm wondering when to take my undang...scare ler ><"
that's all bah i wanna sleep le...
nite nite~ **
Saturday, December 17, 2005
Happy Garden
hey bloggie...havent been posting for a while now
cuz my mouse spoiled...*yes again =.="* n it's hard to post...cuz i need the mouse to change colour or else cant c the words...
n then i went to michelle's house in Happy Garden XD
well it wasnt my comp n she was using it...so i nvr really use much ^^
anywayz...lemme briefly tell out wat happened the past few days...lets hope i dont type too much words =X my posts r awfully long @@"
I was supposed to go on Tuesday...after changing my IC to MyKad
but then i woke up too late...n when i reached there around 9am...i took a number n my turn was like 5pm =.= faintz..
anyway...i nearly fainted for the 2nd time in my life...i was like swaying around...losing my sight n cant feel anything at all...luckily i bent down quick @@" n i felt sooo helpless that time ><"
lucky for me my friend went that day too...so 5pm that time we had lots to talk about....such a coincidence ^^ luckily we had each other...if not we'd be dead bored...
n so i cant make it to mich's house that day...
so Wednesday...i woke up early in the morning to go there...
as usual i didnt sleep much the night b4 =.= i wonder y ah...everytime b4 i go out i cant sleep till at least 5am =X
anywayz...i sat KTM to midvalley...with a big bulky bag n a paper bag =.=
so xia sui...oh yeah 14 dec was the primier of King Kong...
it was a much anticipated movie...cuz the advertisement was good...
well normally in midvalley's GSC cinemas...at 10 it's deserted...at 11 it's only few ppl...around 1 only it will be crowded...
but twinkie reached there at almost 10 n there was suchhhh a longggggggg queue @@"
lucky i booked for 1 seat at 4pm...so i can ask the guy to change =P
well if u think the movie was nice...lemme tell u this...it SUCKS!!!
really really sux...dont watch it if u can...really @@"
for the 1st hour i was practically sleeping...it was crappp i tell u...really nonsense
wasted 1 hour for nothing...they only reached the island after 1 hour =.=
n kingkong only appeared...like...after 1 n a half hours? i was like...harhh? half an hour left sia...
well it wasnt that bad some part...n some part was funny...
but 3 hours man @@" not worth it...i kept looking at the time wondering when only the show was gona end...n its such a cliche with this king kong thingy...
u always watch it in tv's n such n the story line is almost the same =.=
after that twinkie fetched me to saki's house ^^
ohh it was a wednesday...since we had nth to do at her house...we might as well go guild war...
Esprit de Corps' 1st gvg ^^ we walked 30 mins to warnet OUG =.=
it was fun i guess? not as fun as the 3rd dec gvg =P
after war twinkie came n fetch us go yumchar with someone else lolz...quiet sia no topic XD
then we went back lor ^^
thursday...ohh bad bad =.= i had a really really bad mood that day...
went to midvalley...but no mood to shop...usually i will go in all the clothes store n see clothes
but i was like walking around aimlessly...i guess saki got affected as well...
we reached there at about 1pm...by 2pm we were soooo sienz =.=
really not in the mood...it's such a contrast to those happy n excited shoppers @@"
almost forgot...we went to starbucks to cool down our mood =X
n the guy was so good to us XD saki got like rm3 discount...as for me XD
well there's this card where u buy n get 9 chops then u get a free drink...
i let saki use the card 1st...n then after she paid i counted...8 ^^ i buy 1 more then nx time i will get the free drink...i really counted 8 lor...confirm!!
then i told the guy wat i wanted...then i said the size...he was like 'oh it's free' after i showed him the card...
i was like harhh?? u sure ah? got 1 more chop ler ><" he's like yeah it's free n he gave me the receipt...which on it printed...10.50....loyalty(100%) -10.50...so it's rm0.00 XD
hahaz...dam chun...free caramel frappucino XD yipeee~!! maybe it's christmas n they in a happy mood XD
then we walked to california fitness...n we discovered a ktv XD
since we had nothing to do...we decided to sing karaoke XD
lolz...the service there was like dam good man =.= around 5 ppl bring us to the room...
n when i wanted to go to the toilet...10 ppl pointed the direction for me...n 1 brought me right in front to the bathroom...another 1 opened the door for me =.=
1st time go bathroom pee ppl open door for me...haha XD
then when i walked back..every few footsteps there will be those ppl smiling n nodding at me ><" i was soo shy i just looked down...there was once when i forgot my room @@" n he had to bring me back...faint la...
we sang for 3 hours...not bad la...nx time go again ^^
after i went back i was really in a bad mood...i slept at 11pm =.=
really wanna say sorry to twinkie ><" sorry ^^"
well friday i woke up dam early...7am i was awake @@" but i slept n woke up every hour after that...the night b4 i hadnt had much sleep either...keep waking up n couldnt sleep back ><" still bad mood i guess @@"
ahh me n mich decided not to go anywhere...too sienz...n we had to get back by 530...cuz her dad was fetching us back to kota kemuning...she woke up late too =P
from 10am i was reading gossip gurl =.= till around 2pm @@" havent read in a long time...i missed reading XD later i'll go re-read harry potter XD
anywayz...twinkie had an interview in the afternoon...after that he fetched me to his house XD
lolz...i didnt know we were going there...but since we had no place else to go ^^"
he got a cute dog ><" but then cute dogs always bark at me!! *piffzzz*
but his house so nice n big @@" really nice ^^
lolz we hang out until 5 then he fetch me back to mich's house...
that time i was wearing a shirt n a errr...short short n tight pants ><" n i wasnt wearing contact lens as i figured i wouldnt go anywhere after that...
but then =.= mich's dad fetched us n their family to sunway pyramid to have dinner @@"
faint la....tight short pants n specs in pyramid @@" that's wat i wear to pasar malam ler...i dont even wear specs outside my house!! eeee such an embaressment ><"
mich was wearing lolz..auntie looking blouse n 3 quarter pants...lolzzz!!
we ate at manhattan fish market...which my dad will never ever bring my family to eat in a thousand years @@" it was nice ^^
then went back to mich's kota kemuning house lor ^^" watched tv....went playground to talk for so long =P
but i'm happy the way things turned out today ^^" really sweet <3>
that's about all bah...
goshh...this weekend i will be bzbzbz!!
register college...see doctor...go undang ceramah...lots more ><" faintt~
it's too long le ><" chaoz~
Monday, December 12, 2005
Holidayz..
goshh...i m bored to death at home!!! nothing to do de lor...
sleep...eat...face computer...watch tv...sleep again... ><"
waaaa i wanna go out!!!!!! soooo jealous of those with a car who can go out yumchar / watch movie anytime they want...
how come i cannot drive yet!!! i dont care! this weekend im gona go register for driving lessons...then by february / march next year i can drive!! weee~
im abit scared though...
this cele la...i keep thinking bout wat he said 'u abit abit oso shout edi...i wonder how u gona drive next time' ><" sobzz make me scare scare to drive ler! piffzzz
anywayz...i wanna go shopping!!! sighh how come my mom not at home...
if she's at home then i can go out shopping sia...i dont dare to ask my dad to drive me out...
yeah he'll let me go out...in my dreams =.= faint...
oh yeahh...tmr im going to michelle's house XD
weeee....her aunt's not at home...her granny's always playing mahjong outside...
so we're all alone XD cant wait to go shopping
i wanna spend spend spend =P lolz...it isnt like me though...im not a big spender
but i figured i should reward myself for all the hard work =P bahh...crapping la me...
but i still need more clothes!! n jeans!! n skirts...last time i dont dare to spend de ler
more than rm50 de things i dont dare to spend jor =.= lolz
but then i dont care oh...im going shopping to buy more clothes XD
somemore mich's house is near twinkie's house lolz XD
i go there then i can c twinkie everyday le XD
weee~ but i dont get to sleep on my own bed T.T my bolster!!! SOBZZZ...
just came back from sg n get to sleep with bolster a few days nia have to part again ><"
ohh mich...dont dream of me bringing my bolster there la =.= it's just too dumb...
i rather leave it at home...bringing it there is such an embaressment...
somemore my bolster isnt used to sleeping in other place...it never left my bed since since...since since bolster became a bolster XD
wee...i hope this weekend would be fun...
i have like 3 more weeks to enjoy before starting college...
i have lots of things to do though...
register for college...learn driving...
ahh...i got to go to the doctor for X-Ray too ><"
can i skip it? i dont wanna go to the doc n him telling me 'im so sorry...but....'
haix...but life's like this aint it...i can pretty much guess i...i...
haix...heck la...
yawnz...i think i'll continue clean up my wardrobe...
sienz...chaoz bloggie
Saturday, December 10, 2005
haix...
i think i never felt so down b4 ><"
its like a void...a strange nothingness...
i dont know wat to do now i really dont...
its like at last there's this somebody to take over that place in my heart...
n b4 i get to tell him...there's some problem =.=
haixxxxx....
i m a very stubborn person...
n i know he is stubborn too...
liddat how to solve problem wor ><"
yeah it's my fault...i started it...
u know how it feels when u kept calling n wanna say sorry
but u know that every call u make that person isnt going to answer?
haix...
Friday, December 09, 2005
Ethos SG gathering XD
lolz i m such a piggie...
this afternoon i woke up at around 1pm...
n then i chat on msn till 4 liddat ><" lazy to go out sia...cuz i know i no mood shop jor
spend too much @@"
then 4pm i sleep again ><" sleep till 630 only wake up =.=
dono wat's wrong with me @@"
anywayz we all suppose to meet at tampines starbucks at 8pm
me n korkor n saki went together XD but then they late =.=
i saw kira n nike 1st lolz...they were soo shy =.= baobao came along...
then light n his gf came XD the gf so lenglui oh ^^ lolz...
ermm later on there's miroku n anti XD
starbucks full edi so we went to coffee bean ^^
n today anti's b'day oh XD oops...my mistake ><" yesterday XD
so they bought cake to celebrate with him ^^
syok ah in coffee bean...chat about ro stuffs lor =.=
haix...dono wanna go back anot ><"
miroku very quiet ler @@" talk to him he just stare at me ><" make me dono how to continue...
then kira oso dam shy around me n saki =.= faint la him...
oh we took a few pics too ^^ saki's camera lor not enough battery =.= if not can take alot pics de T.T sobzz...
then korkor n kira n nike went back...
we chat till like 11++ then scared miss the last train...that's y went back
me n saki n miroku n anti...lolz cuz we stay simei XD
but miroku still so shy =.=
after that oh me n saki somemore go sit at the playground =.=
faint!! swing n chat lolz...
but no fun ler got 1 couple there..spoil nia /pif...
sighh...now 130am nia...
we need to wake up at 6am ler!! i dont think i will wake up if i sleep now
later miss the train now !! T.T ><"
cannot ler...but then wat to do now till 6am wor...
nobody to pei me chat oso ><" all sleep jor...zzzz
i miss my bolster!!! i miss my bed!!! i miss my room XD
i miss twinkie too XD <3
/gg later i reach sentral kl at around 3-4pm...
sure got surprise for saki 1...got ppl naughty ohh.../gg XD
until then...chaoz`
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
Nightmare...
goshh bloggie ah...
i got a really really really BAD BAD TERRIBLE HORRIBLE dream man ><"
im really like ><" in the dream...
n i m experiencing it...i wanna wake up but i cant wake up!!
the stupid thing is...i actually got to wake up...n i went to sleep back cuz i wanna know the ending =.=
okay...1st dream....haix this 1 is very similar to wat i m going through 1 n a half month earlier...
when i was heartbroken ><"
seems that twinkie was same as that guy ><" n his attitude is the same like him @@"
so cold n so unforgiving towards me...sighh
u all oso can guess wat happened next bah...i was in despair...
then the nx dream was somehow connected...i didnt have much time to mourn
cuz ermm =.= *this is stupid...i dont wanna type out ><"*
seems that the city was invaded with some kind of virus or bacteria ><"
n there was this deadly disease spreading....so dumb!!
it's something like mad cow disease =.= if u got it...
u wont be urself...u will be someone else....u will either laugh non stop like some maniac or u'll do stupid things or u'll be a ghost ><"
oh yeah...the city was drowned anywayz =.= by some dirty swamp water =.=
n those ppl who r not infected must conserve energy... =.=
as in do something to preserve heat...when u get enough heat only u can sleep ???!!!!
wat the =.= wat the hell was i thinking =.= n we had to sleep in classrooms...
faint la...anywayz...seems that the situation was getting better...
n i found a sample of spore...i accidentally dropped it into the water...
n the disease spread again =.= the situation got worse!
n the next day...i somehow spread it again by crying =.= cuz i saw twinkie =.=
haizzzz...wahsehhh this dream ah...really make me heartbreak like hell man
n then this friend of mine...my primary 3 schoolmate...she got the disease...
that time i havent conserve enough energy...was alone in the corridor...
then she got closer n closer to me...she's like a ghost!! =X
n she haunt me ><" waaa~ HELP...n i ran ran ran...
n u know how i walked in the water? i used stick to jump...
dont ask me how i did that =.=
oh then at last i guess the disease no more...cuz i cant remember how it turned out
OHHHH I REMEMBERED...that time the disease almost no more...
n i found a dead body with my stick...i ter touch it ><><"
stay in the water too long ><" sobzzz
well i guess in between i woke up few times...but i kept sleeping back n continue to dream...
n then hor...few months later i was errr...on a double date??
ahh that part i rather leave it out man...
this is sooo funny....nono it's sooo sad =.=
haixxx....the dream is like telling me something...
n my dream's always true remember?
well maybe i wont cause such a dumb disease but then...
errr....nvm la
today go orchard shopping lorr~ weee~!
hope i dont spend too much money =X
Tuesday, December 06, 2005
Tuesday 6th Dec...
bloggie...
haiz...
dowan to say edi la...
everynight i go to sleep thinking...yeahh~!! tmr can meet twinkie edi...
but alas? yeah yeah =.= as if la...
tuesday to wednesday to thusday...
dont think thursday coming oso...
i know sometimes its cannot control de...but then...
haiz...nothing to say edi la...
anywayz...today i woke up at 12 i think...
then when i wanna go down for lunch the dog was opposite me staring at me ><"
then i went back to sleep...
hmmm went to meet baobao n korkor in choa chu kang...
the train ride so dam long @@" 1 hour 20 mins ><" somemore soooo packed...
then i reached 1st lor...must wait for them for like 5-10 mins
korkor owiz late /e5 2 times oso he late =.=
hmm...went to eat mcD again !! swtzz la...nuggets again =.=
faint la eat till sien edi...
ermm must sit bus to night safari ><"
we waited for the bus for like 25 mins!!
hmm...then we reached night safari at bout 830...
haiz...cannot take pics of the animals cuz the flash will scare them =.=
the tram ride...nice lor...breezy...n can c those animals...
but i still prefer A'Famosa's thingy...that 1 more exciting n up close with the wild animals XD
this baobao n korkor lor!!! ask me to use flash ><"
so xia sui ler!!! i use flash kena say by ppl ><" xia sui!!!! eee
but cannot get any nice pics oso...
somemore we missed the show!! man....the show started at around 10 n we reached 3 mins late...sighh they locked the gate n dont let all of us in...PIFF!!!piffzzz la.../an
by that time it was quite late...
oh yeah...i nearly falled down again...sighh...wat luck =.=
erhh...sit taxi back with baobao...cuz its around 1045 that time...if we were to take bus then take mrt...i still wouldnt be back by now =.= think i reach around 1230 man @@"
oh yeah..must thank korkor n baobao for treating me the food n the night safari ^^
piffzz la....alwayz liddat de...dont worry come m'sia that time i treat back XD
sighh...so tired now...
i miss so many things...but how come...sighhh
nitezzz
Monday, December 05, 2005
Nobody to be trusted...
haiz bloggie ah...
seems like i got only u n my trusty bolster...nothing else jor...
dont really wanna say wat happen...
nobody's keeping their promises...
somebody made a promise on 3rd dec to come back to ethos for gvg...at last nvr keep promise
another person made a promise with me...if i promise to not anyhow blame / scold ppl without knowing the truth...she promise not to be shy anymore...
at last i tried soo hard to keep the promise...so far i think i nvr really blame ppl anymore...
but she ler? haiz
i dono wat is wrong oso...
how did i make her face look bad?
even baobao n korkor oso dont get wat i did...for them its normal lor....
nvm bah...
i can hardly remember any time that she tam me de...i n think she wont anywayz...
somemore...somebody keep ffk me de...say go together on monday...then cannot...then change to tuesday...tuesday...now tuesday oso cannot...must wednesday...but i doubt he can though
i know ah its not his fault but then...for anyone...
if somebody keep ffk u for 2 times...anyhow oso u will feel sad n disappointed rite?
sigh nvm le my life bad nia...
i'll go alone then...since im always alone anywayz
oh yeah...must tell the bad things that happened to me...
seems like the thing is going on n on...
i nearly fell down twice in bugis when i was shopping...
then when i was walking this guy n gurl suddenly came to me...
think they wanna do survey....they ask me 'u study which school?'
i was like 'oh...im not singaporean'
then they said 'then u're from where?'
'malaysia'
'oh welcome to singapore'
then he held his hand out...then i @@" but if i nvr shake very not polite
so i shake lor ><"
faint la...
n oh..i spoiled the toilet again... ><" not the same toilet
another toilet !! @@" i guess i stuffed too many tissue papers inside...
cannot flushh!!! i need to flush like 10 times while keep adding water ><"
i spent like 1 hour in the bathroom...they will be wondering wat the hell @@"
sigh...i miss my bolster so much...
i cry on other ppl's pillow i feel bad...
m i that bad? sometimes the way i think abit extreme
maybe cuz i think too much...but that's my nature...i tend to get abit curious...
nobody understands me geh...
maybe that's y i always spoil things by simply assuming things...
but then...
nvm le...
i go sleep...
nitez
wat the...
i tell u hor...these few days dono wat happen to me sia!!!
1. when i got down the train in subang ktm station...i nearly falled off!!
2. when i playing gvg on 3rd Dec at cc...after finish i go to the cashier n pay lor...then he take up the rm10 on me n mumbled something...i harh? then he mumbled again...then i HARH? then he keep mumble same thing over n over...n i look at him n harh harh harh? i dono wat the hell is he talking...dont sound like any languages...then another customer wanna pay...he look at me n say 'kui gong 2 ga 10 kau...lei yiu bei 2 ga hai mai' then i ohh!!! then i say ya...then he =.=
3. after gvg we go mamak...then i drinking my teh ais...then i playing with the straw...suddenly the straw fly off!! drop on the table... wat the...how can the straw suddenly fly off!
4. on the way to sg...when i was at woodlands immigration that time...i slipped on the step n nearly fall off again!! wahlau...
5. then at nite i went to east point...this time I REALLY FALLED!!! wahlau...i stepped on the slanting part...then i slipped n fall...u know where ah? PET SAFARI!! alot ppl there!! in front of a crowd!! somemore the floor is stone kind...dam pain lerrrr!!
6. i spoiled a toilet... =.= wat the...3 hours ago i went to toilet...then i finish edi i flush la...after flush the water will refill de mar...then got the sound...we hear the sound for sooo long...thought wat is that...then we go check...see the water still flowing...still flushing itself!! wat the...then few mins ago my cousin came in n check..asking...wat's wrong with the toilet? then he asked...u jam alot tissue paper inside izit? i was like noo...i only used 1 tissue paper ><" flush 1 time nia...then he tried to fix...the tissue paper still floating on the water...dowan to flush away...at last must add water =.=
omg...a series of unfortunate events sia...faintt!!!
Sunday, December 04, 2005
3rd Dec...
lolx...it's already 4th dec...
but by the time i reach home its 2am edi...
so now only can blog out XD
wahseh...i nvr sleep for how many hours le ah? @@"
last nite slept at 7am then 10am must wake up to go out XD
we said to meet at 11am de...but then u know la us =P all late...
at last 1130 only darling come n fetch us /e5
hmm...went to sentral to get train tickets...
n then went to 1Utama...lolzzz
we all dono how to go....took the long long way...n jam for so long in kl
oh yeah...in the car hor...they all make fun of me!!! WAAAAA *sobzzz T.T*
cuz erm...i will shout alot!! n i mean alot =P everyday shout about 10 times for a tinie bittie reason ><" cant help it...
then everytime a car comes by i will 'ahhh!!'
then cele said 'eh py ah...i was wondering how u gona drive next time ah? Abit things edi 'ahhh!!' then simply step brake...then the car behind u will bang to u' @@"
eeeeeee...then everybody laughh!! PIFFFZZZ *angry angry*~!!
wat worr...when i concentrate i wont shout de mar....huh!!!
we got to 1Utama...then bought tix...
at last i get to watch Harry Potter...ahhh waited it for a long long time XD
mich n cele watched edi...so they watched SPL...
oh b4 the movie we went to eat lunch...
yeahhh...at last get to eat at Italiannie's...me n mich always pass by just staring at it...wondering when only we can go eat there...
cuz the portion was big...so we ordered 1 pizza n 1 spagetti...this cele la!! still wanna order another spagetti...
it was enough XD the spagetti was nice ^^ i lurve the cheese sauce...n the pizza was italian style...not the pizza hut de =.=
exp though @@" almost rm80...but it was worth it i guess ^^
so the movie was chun man XD even though they cut alot...or else it'd be 5 hours long @@"
but they managed to capture the main point good enough...XD
ahh...nothin much then? i wanted to stay longer to shop...
cuz i havent got any time to shop n do rock climbinggg!!
sighh...but then i made a promise to play guild war on 3rd of dec with ethos...
such a disappointment...just like in my dreams
nobody turned up...yeah nobody...i think got ppl wait a while...but we were late
so they went off...
but i was thinking maybe when we break n ethos de name pop up they would join us...
but they never did...so we pm-ed them...asking them to come back...
yet...all we got was 'harh?' 'wat the...' n silence...too bz to reply us i guess
sigh...so sad...the one who made this promise...3rd dec...kept reminding me not to break...
n yet in the end...who was the 1 breaking the promise...
no one did come back at last....it was just me n mich...it was us always...
but im proud that Kiradex, Hou n Ryu turned up ^^
really meant alot...5 of us...breaking castles together
this was 1 of the most fun war i ever had...
at those last mins...we were too lag to break castles so we stayed n defend adb 5...
5 ppl...hou- paladin, ryu- h priest, kira- lk, saki- champ, n me - sinX...
lolz unfortunately we lost it to a GR sinX even though we killed lotsa ppl b4 that...
n during the last mins....5 guilds came to atk us!!
all of them wanted a castle for last min...whoa...when i c all those guilds come in
i was like...die....got over 30 ppl...lets see...
adexcel 20...some 'wu' guild 10...citadel a few...immortalis a few...heavo...U2
n we killed them all!!! Syok la...saki keep asura asura !! then i edp crit those low hp chars...
meanwhile hou sacrifice while devo us...n ryu kept sanctuary the emp...n kira killing too XD oh yeah 1 sniper helped us...
havent seen such teamwork for a long time...5 ppl def against 30++ ppl
n got the castle in the end XD
dam meaningful for most of us ^^ really proud....
really glad u guys can give such a nice last guild war for me XD
i was thinking whether to go back penril anot...i was thinking if Ethos got ppl then i will return...
but such a big disappointment...in the end it was fun...emotional too XD
dam fun...lolz...anywayz
i wish all of u who r still playing there enjoy okie? ^^ Have fun...lolz
oh yeah...goshh...in 3 hours time i gotta sit train to sg
wat the hell is wrong with me? im supposed to sleep!!! i havent slept for 2 days edi ler ><"
dam tired...sighh...hope can have fun there bah =)
*p/s* this mich n cele arh!! talk so long sia =.= /e5/e5 somemore dowan to let me hear their conversation /e5/e5 yai yai /e5/e5 =P
hmm...maybe i'll post again when im in sg XD
chaoz` <3<3
Saturday, December 03, 2005
Sleepless night...
hie bloggie...
u know i realize something...how come the night b4 i wanna go out on the next day...i cant sleep!!!
goshh...u realize anot =.= from those previous posts...
whenever im goin out on a saturday...the night b4 i would stay up till 6 or 7 =.=
really de lor =.= i dont think there's once that i sleep early n wake up just in time...faint sia~
oh yeah tmr will be a bz bz day @@"
on sunday im going to singapore edi...dam rush man...
cant believe...got 1 day to prepare....SHITZ
my train ticket!!! omgomgomg~ i dono whether they cancelled my booking anot...sobzzz ><"
gotta go buy train tickets tmr...gotta wash my clothes...gotta prepare my stuffs...gotta pack...
n on early sunday morning im off to singapore...swttz!!
tmr must collect ticket...then go shopping XD 1 Utama~ weee~!! my favourite shopping mall /gg
yahoo...get to watch harry potter at last ^^
hmm at nite must go guild war ><" dont feel like going...
nothing left in penril that makes me interested to go back anymore...
no more friends...no more fun...n i gotta spend so much time n energy to get myself frustrated n sad n angry...
but then i promised them edi...so tmr i'll go...with h priest or sinX ler?
these few nights i've been having dreams...same dream over n over again...
guess wat's it bout? =.= guild war!! i kept dreaming that nobody would come back to ethos...
sigh...let's find out tmr whether its true anot okie?
oh yeah...there's 1 more thing keeping me awake =.=
my long long long long long long lost friend msged me @@"
remember the post where i said he msged me n i havent heard from him for like 2 years? that neighbour of mine... =.=
seems that he cant sleep like me too...so we sms-ed a while...
then till just now we still cant sleep...sighh...
n then he called me @@" long time nvr hear his voice sia...i think 3 years nvr hear him talk jor =.= n i seldom talk to him that time oso...
funny sia...i knew him when i was 11...but he always treated me like a small gurl...so we nvr even talked like 10 sentences in 1 year even when he was my ex-pet bro =.= lolzz...
then i was like...wat to talk to him worrrr =.= so awkward...
n we were like 'errr errrr harh?' lolz...
sigh...how many hours more? goshh 5 hours more...wat to do until then?
yawnnnzzz...i definately cant sleep now...cuz i wont wake up later... ><"
somemore later whole day run here run there...sure tired like hell
n sunday morning gotta catch train =.= faint ahh~
until then...chaozz`
ohh...before i forgot XD
You raise me up so I can stand on mountains
You raise me up to walk on stormy seas
I am strong when I am on your shoulders
You raise me up to more than i can be
Josh Groban really is an original singer XD not like those westlife...fake voice
he really got a strong n good voice XD plus he's cute =P
Friday, December 02, 2005
SPM -Last Day-
weeeeee~!! *i should have been more enthusiastic but then just woke up...abit groggy*
it's finally over ^^
my secondary school life is OVER~!!
can't believe it...
oh yeah...back to the EST...
paper 1 was subjective part...
so dam hard...the structure part....wahseh...
dont even know how to do even 1!!!!!
sux la...so dam hard...somemore the space they give is only fit for 3 words while my answer is 10 words long...wat the ><"
essay was fine i guess...but overall...sighhh~
paper 2 was objective....it was abit better at least...
i finished in 20 mins n i still have 40 mins to go...
well i was fighting the urge to leave the room as more n more ppl leaving...
i was thinking...since it was last day...might as well enjoy it~
wakakaka...
b4 we took the exam the head examiner told us...
'i know for many of u this is ur last paper...so watever u do next...remember to remember to think!' Lolzzzz....she didnt want us to create havoc...n she asked us to have nice, clean fun...wakakakaka~
n WeEeEeEe....finally over!! so happieeeeee~ XD
cant believe it man...when i went to the office to took my sijil berhenti sekolah...
i saw the tarikh kemasukan Tingkatan 1...reminds me of the 1st day i went to that school...
almost cant believe it was over....
still remembered when i was the innocent and naive little gurl in form 1...
looking up at the seniors...wondering when will i ever graduate
for me its a long long way then...i thought 5 years would take forever!
but now it's over...
well although i cant wait to get out of secondary school life...i still missed those sweet n sour times...
i dont have many frens there...maybe cuz i was a prefect since form 1 n those ppl were rebellious XD but i did have some close friends...
ermm...Ednalyn who's been with me for form 1 n 2 but shifted in form 3
Joelene in form 1-3...lolz...we were dam close n crazy then XD maybe cuz we weren't in the same class in form 4 n 5 anymore...sighh~
n in St John there's Kee Lynn, Sue Ling, Twins, Shwu Yann to name a few...miss those times ^^
n in form 4 n 5 there's this willd n wild Mei Chi XD lolz we were soooo crazy together...
n all my 5S friends...miss u guys ^^
well...life goes on n there r many many more challenges ahead of me...
i have lots of path to take XD n whatever decision i make now will affect my future...lolz...
hope i can be with my friends then ^^
oh yeah...must stop procastinating!!! goshh....
hope i can improve by then...
but now...*evil grin /gg*
TIME TO ENJOY ~ !!
WEEEEE~~!!!!! XD
Good bye secondary school life!