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Another boring boring schoolday...
this is getting crazy...i'm getting no where...
last nite when i reached home i was so darn tired...
i only managed to flip through a few pages from my bio notes n i fell asleep on the bed!
anyway...i had a bad feeling for bio test today...
really bad feeling...
u know SAM is a programme where every little thing counts!!
and 1 little mistake u make will make a big big difference in the final marks...
u know what? i was darn right...
chemistry today we started with a new topic...the organic n biological chemistry...
that is the chapter i hated most in form 5...
n when she explained...my brains r like squashed!!
maths...another new thing...
ESL worse!!! i got back my plan outline n annotated bibliography...
n guess what? i just passed!!! I GOT SO FREAKIN GODDAM LOW!
dammit...i think hor...with all the marks i've gotten...
i have absolutely no chance of getting a 90 n above TER...
how in the hell m i gona study the course i want?
Physics ler? nonit to say...i dont even know how to solve the questions my lecturer gave...
I was so moody i had to go to mcD n grab a mcflurry...
well that made me cheerful abit i guess..
but the test was hard...every question is tricky...n i mean it!
u need to think really really hard...it's not direct ler...
n cuz of that i made so many mistakes...
n some questions i havent even come across...
HELP!!!!!! I WANT TO LEAVE SAM!!! WAAAAAA T.T
Monday, February 27, 2006
想着之前收到你的短讯.你说还好爱我...叫我不要走。但是...既然你已经不爱我...又何必再骗我呢? 原来你这样珍惜我 犹如最结实的堡垒 曾经想试过原谅你...接受你.要着生日的快乐...电话来一次.可惜你终是会令我失望.直到今天...眼泪已经流干了.既使不舍得...我又可以怎么样?你告诉我啊... 如何笨到底但到底还是我 原谅我啦.留下只会令我更加心碎...
Today, I met a pervert...
a freakin' pervert...
well...I was walking from my college to the Subang train station as usual every evening...
but today was unusually hot...the sun was still shining brightly...
n I was darn unlucky as my route was facing the sun directly...so the sun shinned directly into my eyes...
so I had to cover part of it lor...
so...I was walking halfway...n then a car was coming in the opposite direction...
my hand was still on my eyes n I couldn't see well...
I thought that car would just drive pass me...
apparently...he drove super slow...n almost stopped beside me...
guess what he did?
you'll never guess...
he....
he...stared at me as if i was a porn star
n he started licking his own lips!!!
what more...his hands were going down to...u know where!
@#%#%@#^#^@#^@#@$#$!@
what the...
damn disgusting wei...
his eye were like fixed on me...n had that kind of pervert look...
n his tongue was like err...kept licking his lips...
yea...like that kind of horny lip-lickin' thingy u watch in porn...
mind you...I wasn't wearing anything sexy or revealing...
so stop putting the blame on girls revealing their body kay?
I have no body shape...and all I had on was a normal T-shirt and a jeans...
oh...and my file was covering most of my upper body...
what was he looking at arh?
zzz~ so desperate go those night clubs n find a prostitute la...
faint~ what in the world is happening nowadays arh?
he looked decent like a businessman for god's sake...
nowadays really...u can't judge a person by his looks...
i faster ran away ><"~!! what else could i do...
sigh~
so suey...
Boring monday
another boring monday in the library again...
gosh...u know what my friend told me?
'u r so not experiencing college life man...'
sigh~ he's true...
how do i enjoy when im stuck in the library practically everyday?
my schedule daily is...
6am wake up...sit train go college...
then got class till 3 liddat...after that go library till 6++ only go back
faint~~ i m so sick of the damn library...
books n books n books everyday...i can go crazy man...
not that i dont wanna be a good girl...it's just that...
who spends her college life in library everyday?!
argh...anywayz...today...well...surprisingly i know how to do my chemistry CT1...
well...not that confident larh...but i know how to do almost all...
i didnt study last nite...too stubborn transfering songs from my comp to the walkman bean =P
i started studying only in the train this morning...n in between classes n in LAN class...
read through all the notes n the questions...
the questions r normally same bah...just change abit nia...
hope i dont get bad results ><" cuz i did really badly for my physics and maths edi! T.T
aiyah...1 hour more dono wat to do lar...no mood to study for bio tmr edi ><"
im really 'conked' out...i want some rest!!
unfortunately it's impossible as i had to start studying bio once i reach home...
sigh~ help? i want my comfy comfy bed and my soft soft bolster T.T
i had to rush for my chemistry plan outline n physics sources by this week ler...
this is pure madness...dont even have some much needed time off for myself...
aiks...too long edi...better stop it here...
walkman bean
XD got a new mp3 player today...
well it's not mine ><" but then =P any new gadgets in my house will unofficially belong to me XD lolz...
actually it's my bro's...he wanted one this year...
n since my bro in law can get sony products for a whole lot cheaper...
i figured that he should get a sony walkman bean...
n when i called my bro in law to ask him to help my bro get one...
wadaya know? he said 'ys wants izit? klar tell him i buy for him...he nonit to pay'
eeeshhh....i was soo jealous!!
actually...if im the one getting it...he would be buying for me too...
but then i'm getting a w900i...n i can't let him know it's for me ><" i lied to him saying it's for my friend ><" actually it is =D just that not that one
today i somemore nearly spilled the beans ><"
cuz i said 'that w900i I WANT white colour can?'
then he's like '??? that w900i u want or they want?'
*shitt...* 'nono...they want =D'
actually...the reasons i didnt want to let him know is that...
well...i know he would at least pay some for me ><" i dont want that...since he paid so much for my bro's walkman bean...
n it's an expensive phone @@" way way to expensive for even him...wat about me? a student with no income at all...
guess i have to make up some story...sigh~ but it wouldn't be solid...
back to the walkman bean...i found out it's worth rm600!!
eesh...my bro in law so good ><"
the walkman bean of mine *ahem...my bro's* is black in colour...flash memory ^^
it's 1GB n ermm...actually hor...695 songs is just to look nice...cuz it's in 48kbps...all the bitrates in my songs r like 192! cannot put till 695 de ><"
it's nice...the sound quality is superb XD really chun...
n erm...battery life...can't really comment on it cuz havent really tried it out...
the charging thingy is chun...3 mins can charge for 3 hours playback XD
hmm...the display...it's only 1 line...can't really see...
but then hor...to transfer the song it's soo hard! took me so darn long...the program makes my comp hang!
hmm...i guess i'll be using it more than my bro =P
at least till i get my w900i XD cuz i m dead bored on the train everyday to college...
imagine me sitting there alone...staring at ppl n observing how they sleep =P
n m'sian studies is dead boring too...an mp3 will help alot =D
anywayz...i've got tests later! till wednesday...
wish me luck...loads of luck...since i've been lazy...
sigh~
Thursday, February 23, 2006
Flunked Maths
wopee...today...i flunked my maths!
congrats to me for flunking 2 subjects out of the 2 i've taken!!
wat lar...yesterday regretted cuz didnt study for physics edi...
today somemore repeat the same mistake!!
wat the... =.=
haiz...last nite i tried to study in the library for a few hours...
ended up not concentrating cuz i was soo tired...only did a few questions...
n then when i went back i have to do my preliminart outline n annotated bibliography for ESL as it is due this friday!! tmr!!
when i was done with it...it's almost 11...n i tried to study maths again but to no avail
i was so freakin tired by that time T.T
anywayz...when we went in the exam hall...goshh...
the head examiner was so fierce! scolding us non stop
even the students who r taking physics in LT3 oso kena from him =.= kerlian them...
my class was asked to stand up twice somemore ><"
well...the questions were hard...dono how to do...
but all my answers so weird 1 ><" i
when i thought ifinish the question...i checked again n realize i have to do more!!
so darn long n complicated ><"
n i think got alot of mistakes cuz i the answer is wemm...weird ><"
haiz...later g ot dance somemore...n then tmr got chemistry quiz
n the preliminary outline n the annotated bibliography is due tmr ><"
sobzzzz HELP....whyever did i choose SAM? T.T
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
Flunked physics
gosh...i just FLUNKED my physics...
i am very sure this time...
i started studying only at 3am last night...
n i was squeezing all the infos in my brain in such a short time...
i dont think i get to interpret all the info...
when i went in i was sooo confused...
n when i looked at the question?
gosh...even a simple 2 sentence answer question i also can make it so darn complicated...!!!!
that dam question is soooo ez n yet...i dont know wat shit i put in!!!
i just lost 10 marks there...
wahseh...whatever happened to my new years resolution??
i was supposed to study...
n i came to SAM cuz i wanted to study constantly...n not last min like SPM
every little things every little tests every little assignments counts!!!
n wat am i doing now?
STILL the same...see lar...i tasted my own consequence edi...
if i wanna do well i cannot make mistakes!!
n now i just flunked...so it means 10% gone edi larh!!
SOB...
sigh...5 more mins to ESL class...dont feel like entering class lar...
sobz...what am i doing?!!
lost
i haven't got much time to blog...
gotta start studying or else im gonna flunk tomorrow's physics test...
it's important! i wonder how come my panic button hasn't been triggered yet ><"
i don't know how to describe how i'm feeling...
until i read 1 of the posts in my friend's blog...
from there...i understand that i didn't want to have any spare moments to myself...
i didn't want to...
every little moment spent on myself i will be lost...
lost in that world...lost in those memories that i try to hard to overcome
it's those moments like this when i listen to the sad songs...especially those from jay that reminds me of...err...u know who...
my mind will start wandering away...
wander back to that moment where it's bittersweet...
i miss...my star
Monday, February 20, 2006
bad day...
today...is not a good day...
well...it went...aisk...
i had my breakfast at this newly opened mamak stall near Taylor's...
'Nasi Kandar Nur Ameen'
gosh...i tell u...-NEVER EVER go there...NEVER!
well...i wasn't that hungry...so i go for my usual Roti Telur- Teh Ais combination...
this guy took my order...n i waited n waited..
until my friend finished her nasi kandar...my roti telur was still no where in sight!
then i asked him...he asked me back...'what u order arh?'
=.= then i told him again...10 mins later he asked again...wat thee!!!
n then my teh ais finally came...
i took a sip of it... n I NEARLY PUKED!
it was NOT teh ais...it was TAP WATER + abit of tea essence...
it was sooooo watery...n doenst have the tea taste...n the tap water was sooo strong.....
i let my friends try...n they their faces all turned >.<" after taking a sip...
i didnt want to drink another sip of that tap water again...
n at last my roti telur came...it looked nice...
until my friend ask me to flip behind...u know what?
it's cooked...half! the behind part was not cooked!!!! it's like flour..
eating it is a pain man...i tried to swallow every gulp...
when the bill came...my friend had to pay rm5++ for a plate of rice + sotong
we kept complaining...n as we were near the kitchen...the boss overheard us i guess..
n he kept saying sorry to us..n said if got anything must voice out...
i kept quiet n paid...n swore to myself never to step foot there again..
it was the worst tasting teh ais n the worst roti telur ever!
n then there was sooo much works from the teachers...n exam is in like...a few days?!!!
oh during ESL period she made fun of us ><" kept insulting us n we just kept quiet...
during physics we were supposed to hand in our physics lab report...which was due by 9am...but at that time most of us havent even started...we all were scribbling like mad man...
but in the end he minus all of our marks ><" i think mine is -3 @@" i think my marks will be negative...
well then...after class...by now i was used to being alone...
really...i just stayed in the library minding my own business...
n walking back alone...i felt...normal lor ><"
guess i have to adapt to this lifestyle for the years to come...lone pair XD
n i reached early sia...in klang train station there were a couple of guys promoting celcom...
that time no ppl there so they sat there n chit chat...it was drizzling so i waited inside...
n guess what i overheard...
'ehh...u should come to malaysia n find 1 nice gurl to marry'
'i dont think i can find 1 nice malay gurl lar...dont like'
'aiyah y so yim jim...then find 1 nice chinese gurl lor...nerr' *pointing to me*
=.= i was like!!!!! i looked away n didnt bother to follow their conversation anymore...=.=
Remembering...
nature works in its own mysterious way...
there are things in life which are such a coincidence that u can't explain
don't u agree?
i can't agree more...
for weeks i've been pondering on the reason to why i like playing 'fa ru xue' on piano so much
so much that that song is in my heart now...i can play freely following my heart...
so much that most of my friends had heard me performing that song...
so much that i play that song over n over again everyday without a tinge of boredom...
i've mentioned one of the reasons in a previous post...
that i play for a person...i work hard on that song for that person...
but today...i found out another thing...
the score isn't with me now...cuz i didn't need it so i lent it to one of my friends...
but i wanted to bind all my scores together so i print another copy...
as i see the 1st page printing out...i let out a gasp ><"
i seen that page a hundred times yet i hadn't notice the date on top...until today
2005.11.23
so that is why i had this urge...this power to keep playing this song...
that is why everytime i play this song it brought me back to that date...
that is why i feel so sad hearing it...
really don't know how to describe this...this...myterious thing...
i thought i like playing that song just because it's nice...
i didn't know it has such a deep meaning in it...
that date...1123
Saturday, February 18, 2006
pig
i feel soo dizzy now!!
last nite is the 1st time i sleep before 12am on friday nights sia...
everytime i see the time before i go to bed it's saturday...
but last nite i slept before 12...
n guess what time i woke up?
4pm!!!!
lemme count...i slept for 16 hours!! that's like double the sleeping time for adults =.=
actually i woke up at 6am...i was preparing to wake up n go to college...
only to realize it's saturday =.=
u know how it feels when u wake up after u slept for a long long long time hor?
u will feel sooo tired n ur body aches like hell n u want to lie down
faint...
actually i'm guai edi =D i was planning to go 1U today de...
but then lazy sia ><" wake up so late...
n i've got lots n lots of assignments to finish which i havent started
n i have tests nx week! wee! havent even started
heyy....what happened to the new year's resolution?!!
n i desperately need a mp3 player! ee my bro in law hor ><"
i'm supposed to get my new phone next monday...
but he called n said i have to wait till next month!! wat the...
n my bro's mp3 player which he's supposed to get next month...he can get it now!!
eeeee...unfair larrr...pifff!!!
but then even if i get on monday also not enough cash to pay him =P
haizz...very sien lor everyday sit train ><"
i wanna drive!!
n i'll be able to learn starting from next week =D
weee~!
crap too much le...i go sleep~ nightz =P
Thursday, February 16, 2006
'My' guy
hey bloggie...
u remember that lengzai i told u about?
that korean guy who has orange hair who is way cool?
yeah him...
i realize hor...i realize how humans refer to someone...
well it seems that i'm the 1st one who notice him...
n i'm the one who pointed him out to my friends...
so i was the initial 1...n guess how they refer to that guy?
goshh...read the following conversations...
Conversation #1
HL : Ehh loan ping...i saw ur guy outside just now...
Me : My guy?? *in my heart i was thinking : ???? i where got guy wor??? somemore that time valentine's day...make me puzzled only =.=*
HL : Nerh...ur guy lar...
Me : What my guy? I where got guy?
HL : Aiyoo ur guy lar...the orange hair 1...the 1 u say very handsome one...
Conversation #2
*my phone rang...i picked it up*
SueLing : Ehh loan ping, where r u?
Me : McD lor...why?
SueLing : Come Asia now...faster!!
Me : Why ler?
SueLing : Ur guy is here...faster come now lar he eating here beside my table
Me : =.= I eating lar...
Conversation #3
*One bunch of us were going to the toilet...n we passed that guy*
Right after we passed him...
Joyie : Loan ping...u know the guy u like hor? I embaressed myself in front of him just now...
Me : ?? Who?
Joyie : Nerr the 1 we pass by just now...the orange hair 1...
Me : =.=
$@#$#@!#$">#%$@#$'
Wahseh since when did he become my guy?
goshh...i was only pointing him out as a lengzai to my friends...
n that was the only time i tell them about him...
after that it's like as though everytime they see him they must tell me!!
i never keep saying bout him oso ><"
and now he got so many nicknames
'loan ping's guy' =.=....'loan ping like 1'...n the list goes on...
faint........i bet he dont even know who loan ping is =.=
i was just pointing him out...
n u know humans lar...they will refer something / someone to the common link...
that is me! =.= faintt....
i mean...okay lar...he is handsome n all that but i dont like him =.=
and all of a sudden all my frens tell refer to him as that >.<"
i think he heard part of conversation #3 just now...xia sui nyer...
aiyo...next time hor...pls refer to him as the 'korean guy' or the 'orange hair 1'
just dont say he's 'my guy' he is not! *although it wouldnt be bad if he is =P* lolxx
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
LP
haha...i wanna laugh edi sia...
Lone Pair...those who study chemistry somewhere in elementary chemistry should know...
today chemistry period hor...ms kwa was teaching molecular shapes....
then she said got 2 types of bonding...
either its Bonding pair where the electron valence of 1 element pairs with the electron valence of another electron...so it means 2 person pair together lor ^^
then she said there's another pair - Lone Pair
i was like @@" swtzzz >.<"
then i heard chuckling behind me...all was like mumbling 'Lone Pair..Lone Pair' =.=
well...seems that lone pair means the electron valence of the element is ermm alone by itself...never pair with any other element...
in other sense it means...it's all alone by itself...that's why it's called the lone pair...
uncanny =.= fate arh? i'm to be a lone pair...
then they all started calling me lone pair...sigh~
maybe i'm destinied to be a lone pair bah...
我好想哭...
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
Lonely valentine
Bloggiee...Happy Valentine's Day~
lolx...i think there's no need for me to describe how i'm feeling today bah =.=
i'll just skip the 'lonely...depressed...sad...' part
dam suey lor...yesterday i eat something too much...it was only meant for a small portion...i ate the whole bottle of it...
i wanted to stay up until 12am to wish ppl happy valentine's day...
but then i was soo tired i slept at 9...n as im such a piggy...i cant wake up despite of the 3 alarms =.=
anywayz...i took almost 40 mins to walk to college...cuz my stomach was aching sooo much
really feel like fainting on the way there sia ><" no choice
hmm...aiyah...usual valentine's day scene lar
boy gives gurl flowers/chocolates/presents...
i'll be stuck there @@" not that i wanna see....it's that they do it in front of me n block my way ><"
n they r so happy...
i have no reason to envy....actually i only envy cuz i'm not with the one i wanna be with...
btw i wish those couples out there enjoy this day yea? ^^ enjoy the days to come too XD
went to pyramid to watch big momma's house 2...
feel like an outcast sia...dont need me to explain hor? lolx...
the thing i really wanna mention is that...
i know lar teenagers at this age tend to play around...
does that mean i'm old fashioned if i only want to be with the person i love n only him?
i've got a friend...she has 3 valentines...1 on monday...1 on tuesday...n 1 on wednesday
i was like @@" *i one also dont have ler!!* but i dont mind about that...
okay lar i thought date nia...then today i saw her holding hands with the guy...
i thought ><" how come u can date 2 other guys if u got boyfriend?
n her friend said...she likes to play around and date different guys...
seems that she has a friend who is only form4...whom she french kissed b4...but they r friends...
when she found out he has other dates for valentine...she was so angry she broke off relation with him...
helloo?? what about her =.= faint...
nevermind la...u might say me old fashioned...
i know lar now hor...we must play around 1st...young mar still got time...
but then that's not me...na-ah...i'll stick with my old fashioned ways
oh...someone told me something 'don't miss him...miss his memories'
Monday, February 13, 2006
Valentine's day
hey bloggie...i guess i'll be updating almost everyday...
since i'll be stuck in my college till 7pm everyday...
i've been wanting to post a topic on Valentine's day...thought of doing it today
since i'm free now so...heck i'll just post it now XD
as february 14 is approaching...i get more depressed...
i don't know why...maybe it's because...
well you can't say i am desperate for someone...the fact is i'm not
right now i do not want to be with anybody...i really don't
it makes me sad...
imagine if the one u love spending valentine's day with another person...
how would that make you feel?
heartbroken?
well...i am a girl
and girls in general are hopeless romantics...
oh well...maybe i am abit too romantic...it's in the stars =P
lots of ppl tell me...'oooh valentine's day coming...getting any flowers or chocolates arh?'
for ur info...i am not popular...nor am i pretty...nor am i attractive...nor am i charming...n the list goes on
so there's no reason that i should get one...
the fact that i never gotten any flowers before is just...depressing...
nahh...my routine on every 14th of february is just....
put on a fake smile on my face...but deep down inside i'm wondering how is that person?
n look at all those happy couples...their faces filled with love and joy...
n envy *well of course i will envy* those big bouquets of flowers n chocolates that are so tempting */e2*
and me? i guess this year i'm gonna be a loner again...
if i were to think about valentine's day last year...i would have hoped it would be a wonderful one...
nahh...it's not gonna happen...
no surprises too...
is it a girls fault to be hoping and wishing for a surprise on a valentine's day?
just as my friend told me today 'at the start of the day you will be filled with anticipation...but at the end of the day it will be pure disappointment'
I guess she's right...i have no doubt about it...
tomorrow will be just another normal day...with a tinge of sadness...
don't know why i'm not over it yet...my guess that it won't be anytime soon...
i'll continue at home ^^ if i have the mood to do it...chaoz`
Saturday, February 11, 2006
Talk to Pyxis
lolx...i've found something amusing...
when you guys are bored n got nobody to chat with...
feel free to chat with Pyxis
http://www.pandorabots.com/pandora/talk?botid=fad8d33fee365392
it will basically chat back to you...if you dont try to ask something funny =.=
i dont know how to make it look nicer ><"
too complicated for me @@
so just bear with the simple and basic settings 1st kay? ^^
Friday, February 10, 2006
nostalgic...
sigh...
i saw that scene again...
the 1 that made me cried few days ago...
that...they flash back the scene on that show ><"
darn...it brings me back to that day i treasure most...
Long wait...
bloggie...sienz lar...
im alone again...yeah...
i realize i have a tendency to blog in college every friday =.=
no choice la gotta wait till 7 only can go back...
my dad lor dont wanna fetch me...he said it will make him tied up n wont have freedom =.=
so i gotta wait for my mom to finish work only can fetch me sia...faint...
imagine staying back at college everyday until 7pm!!! goshh~
good thing it's not secondary school....
the library n the computer labs here are...errr tolerable lar...
i can find things to do...alone...
i dont know y...but everytime after i speak to a particular person i will lose all my happiness in that instant
just as i hang up the phone it's like...sadness just erupt in me...in 1 sec i can turn from happy to sad ><"
sighh...today after class i went to mcD with weishuang...saw that lengchai again lolx...
then went to library to find a friend...must copy yesterday's notes from him sia ><" i was soo blur in almost all the lessons today @@"
after we finished our work we were like ><" chatting about those things about love...
how much it hurts ><" aiyah...how come everytime after i think about it i will just stare at a place...n i will start to think all sorts of things...gosh...aiyah~skip the topic lar...
got 5 more mins i have to go edi...hope it's not raining now ><" or else i gotta walk back to train station n i'll be wet!!
sometimes i just need some time alone to think...just me...thinking...
although i will start thinking about things n getting more ridiculus everytime...
sometimes i just prefer to stay out in a corner...away from the crowd...
it will make me feel sad...
today i saw my friend with her bf...so cute sia...
the bf really cared about her alot...lolx...when she took out her purse he was helping her all the way from unzipping her back to placing her bag properly to putting in the purse cuz she was clumsy...
lolx then she hit him n he was like 'wat? helping u lar!!'
so cute!!! XD
i think i'll stop here...gotta walk back~ ^^ hope i dont encounter any ermm...problems ><" since at this time nobody will be walking with me...besides...it's late @@" n bad things tend to happen at this hour...
sigh~how i wishthere was someone to walk with me
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
LengZai */gg*
lolx...we'll get to the lengzai part later =P
i feel better after last night...
it was 1 of the worst nights i've had...ever!
i couldnt bring myself to study...i was lying on the bed crying for 5 hours...
until i had no energy n my tears just flowed down...
at last i managed to sleep...but i was late man!! woke up at 620 @@"
n my train was at 640...how i managed to prepare in 10 mins i have no idea...nearly missed the train ><"
anywayz...my eyes was still swollen...my face really pale n my friends thought i was sick...sighh~
but 1 thing cheered me up though...that lengzai lolx...
kk i'll start from the beginning...there's not much lengzais in taylor's...
so far...the 1 that really captured my attention was a guy...ermm he looks like a korean actor...
u know those japanese/korean guys with long hairs n very very stylish...with orange brown hair...n his looks r just soo cool...his body also...can see his muscles man...when he smiles it really can melt a gurl's heart...
i noticed him from the 1st day during orientation...anywayz...as time goes on i know that lots of gurls r attracted to him as well...
i see him alot in college...those gurls will be finding chance to talk to him....or hiding behind his back to whisper 'eeee!! he sooo lengzai!!' lolz~
but for me...i would rather keep a low profile...lengzai is just for me to look n admire...keep in the heart enough already arh ^^ nonit to go gaa gaa over them @@" that would just make u embaressed
kk anywayz...i would see him alot...n i think he will look at me once in a while...like as though he knows im a college mate...
anywayz...today hor...during lunch they were talking about lengzais in taylors...
so my friend was saying she dont see any lengzais around...except this cute guy who looks like japanese...from her description...i can guess it's the same guy...
didnt know he was such a celebrity...i hear ppl talking about him allll the time...n there will be ppl who will go to his class n look for him...even ask for his number man...
too bad...he has a girlfriend lolx
kk back to the topic...my other friends didnt know who...n such a coincidence today was wednesday...n i know our class n his class would be ermm meeting each other...
cuz his class will come out n then my class will go in...
well..when we reached that class they were still inside...
lemme tell u something...everytime before everybody from the previous class comes out...my class would just ignore them n go in to get their places...we wont wait de =P
but today...goshh~!! this was the funniest day man...
his class started to come out.......n i saw him erasing the whiteboard...
so i nudged my fren n whispered 'nerr...that 1 erasing the whiteboard...with the orange/brown hair' n she shouted 'nerr!! that 1 that 1!!! wiping the whiteboard 1!!'
oh...my...god...before i knew it..nearly everyone was pointing at him n saying out loud indicating it was him...i know he realized...
i was like 'SHHH~~!!!!! dont make a fool of our class la~~!!'
he was one of the last to come out...well i was standing just opposite the front door...
when he came out there was yet another class passing by so he was stuck there...had to wait for them to pass...
he was like...face to face with me n seperated by 1 line of ppl...1st time c him face to face lolx...
n then i realized...just as he stood there..my class had gone from Noisy to Absolute Silence!
all those that knew about him was staring at him @@"
wahseh...i didnt really looked at him...that would be impolite...so i just looked around n looked at him once in a while...
it was long...lolx...he looked at me as well...
it was the longest silence i ever felt...haha...then when he left only my class started to move in...
the 1st thing they said when he was far away was 'wahh dam lengzai...u saw anot?'
a buzz of whispers just burst abruptly lolx...
n my friend was shouting over the class 'Loan Ping!!!!! Did u know he kept staring at u just now ler!!!'
=.=...faint...
umm...he was opposite me n i was opposite him so if we dont look front we act as if we dont see each other merrrr =.=
normal arhh he look at me...i dont feel he stared at me oso...
but then my friends stared at him...luckily he never realize...or maybe he did but he act as if he dont know...hahaz...
dam funny...1st time sia..he is like a big big celebrity man...almost everyone there just stared at him like they never see any lengzai's b4 =P
well...too bad he has a girlfriend...n i saw his gf today ^^
he was driving his gf n his friends back...can see he is rich sia...
uhh...to be honest...he is totally the type that i like...like my dream guy...n his looks r just the one that can really melt my heart...
but then...he is not a boyfriend material for me...nono~
lengzais r just a ermm something like a extra award for my eyes lolx XD
now i understand that...they will never be ours hahaz...
look and admire can edi ^^ that's enough to make me smile~
really nonit to waste soo much time on finding out his phone number n try to get close to him lolx...cuz guys like that wouldnt fancy girls go gaa gaa over them...
too long le ><" tmr im gona skip college !! T.T Sobzz...
last time secondary i go 2 out of 5 days in a week...but now...i dont wanna miss even 1 lesson!!
but no choice...i have to go for my ceramah...the 6 hours driving thingy tmr...
YAY~ gona get to drive at last...wee~
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
我真的撑不下去了...
我真的真的...没力气再撑下去...
刚刚在冲凉房...我的泪忍不住像下雨般劈里啪啦地流出来...
在冷水下想了很多很多...
我学业做得好...或不好
都无所谓...反正他们都不管
我小心照顾自己...或不照顾
都无所谓...反正他们都不在乎
我打扮得漂亮...或难看
都无所谓...反正他也没兴趣了
我开心...或伤心
都无所谓...反正都没人理
我静静地哭...或放生大哭
都无所谓...反正同情也只是同情
我的脸上挂着笑容...或愁眉苦脸
都无所谓...反正没人会在意
我努力地寻找自己的幸福...或放弃一切
都无所谓...反正那幸福再也不属于我
我好好地活下去...或一辈子伤心难过
都无所谓...反正一切都不值得留恋
反正...从开始到现在...没有一个人真正的在乎
一切的一切都没意义
not my day...
bloggie...
i feel....so heavy now...
really very very heavy...when i walk i practically had to drag myself...
i just wanna disappear...
this whole day has gone wrong...terribly wrong
morning on my way to the train station i tripped on a large chunk of cement...
now my last toe is swollen n it hurts when i walk...
in the morning...i made someone disappointed...
really sorry...it was supposed to be a good news...but i brought disappointment to the person...
after that...i was low...n wat made me even more low was...
i caused 2 really good friends to argue...
just because of a little misunderstanding...me being the middle person made their relationship ermm...worse
n i can see him no mood the whole day...
sorry...
later on i missed the bus...
n then when i reached train station...had some problems there...
by that time my mood was low...
wat else? when i came home i got an awful news...terrible...terrible...
n it's as though its my fault?
i was angry...really angry at 1st...but i cant do anything...im just sad...
n then i really dont know wat to do with my hair...
wanted to repair it but it's beyond my ability...
n then i saw a scene on a tv drama...which reminds me of that day...
that scene brings back nostalgic memories...really really similar...
my eyes water n my heart hurts so much...
ohh...n the worst thing? i wanted to cry but i had nobody to cry to...
i really want to hug someone n cry out loud...
i want to talk to someone...but there wasnt anyone to talk to...
i just...
couldnt hang on anymore
dammit
fuck....
nothing to say edi...
just wanna say fuck....
repeat how many times edi dont do back the same thing...
already know wat's the consequence edi still wanna repeat!!!!!!
i somemore purposely seperate it...
GO MIX TOGETHER FOR WAT
all my favourite gone edi lar!! SOMEMORE NEW 1 LER...
all that thingy is worth how much?!!
it isnt the money...ITS THE VALUE!
fuck
DAMMIT
forgive my post...if u were in my shoes u will be as upset as well
Monday, February 06, 2006
hair disaster
oh my god...cant believe it man...
i tied my hair up to school today...didnt want my highlight to be too obvious...
i reached there quite early...sat in the class...when i went in they all were like *omg!!!*
then all staring at my hair...
then i 'SOB!! T.T' dont stare edi larrrrr T.T i know it's ugly....WAAAAAAAA
then i sat there...i tell u hor...out of 10 ppl walking in the class...
8 ppl stood there n stared at my hair!!!
my friend was like staring n staring while walking...the face was like @@"
then i said...nonono! dont ask!!! NOOO!!!
n pramilah was like 'OMG!!! wat u did to ur hair?!!!!! ur black hair!!!!!!'
n even though my friends didnt actually say out...i can c from their expression...they were like @@" at 1st...then ><" ...then ^^" ....
i was complaining throughout english n physics...they were like nvm la..dye back black lor =.= faint...n my other fren kept persuading me to dye red...
those guys even though they said...it looks ok la dont worry...but i know in their heart they dont wanna hurt my feelings only...SOB T.T
helppp~~~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i hate those lala ppl ler...now im becoming a LALAMUI myself!!!! WAAAA~~~!!!!
haix...anywayz...today was the 1st day i sat train there...
i like the journey there...it was dark outside...kinda gave me some moments to think
n i kinda felt how it was like being all on my own...lol
reached there at around 715 then started walking to college...
was lucky though...cuz i was cursing the guy in front of me cuz walk so slow n block my way *pfftt!!* only to find out it was my friend ><" paisehh~
i was like...ehh??!! u r wong hei arh? then he was like yahh...long time never c u...
lolx...ended up walking with him there...
today was kinda lucky cuz my mom can fetch me back early...
walked back alone after class...didnt feel like staying back...
cuz errr...dont want anybody to see my hair...especially someone...but that fella saw oso lolx...
sat train back~
sighh....tomorrow start must wait till 7pm only can go back lorrrr~~~~!!!
sob...
i go study for my bio quizzie tmr...wish me luck yea bloggie *muaxx*
zzz
dam moody now...
n the fireworks n firecrackers r not helping!!!!!
the loud sounds r just...GRRRR!!!!!!!!!
ARGHH~!!!! $@%^#$%%#^%@#$">#$@%^#$%%#^%@#$'>$@%^#$%%#^%@#$">#$@%^#$%%#^%@#$
i just cant take it anymoree.....
with the stress of my unfinished pile of work...looks like i gotta burn night oil tonight...i dont think even now till 6am is enough for me to finish my work!! HELP~!!
i m such a lazy pig...see la...wat happen to my new year resolution?
i said i wanna be hardworking de...now ler???
leave all the week long homework to the last last minute...WAAAAA T.T
lemme relax abit 1st....
there's another thing bothering me...but i wont mention it here cuz i know some of the readers r connected to it...so i dont wanna offend anyone...sigh~
n 1 more thing...i really dont know how to maintain a friendship with a guy without hurting his heart if he has intentions of going further...
screwed up once ermm...7 years ago...
i do believe there can be normal friendship between a guy n a gurl lor...really close that type...
aiyah...im crapping la...
dont know y my heart is totally closed right now lolx...
i think hor...maybe being single forever isnt that bad eh? haha...
but i see my aunt now hor...her life really sad sia ><"
aiyah...i really dont feel like it...too hurt...
zzz crapping again...ignore this paragraph~
starting college again lor....but gona be some changes in my daily routine as i totally refuse to take bus anymore!! cant stand those morons/idiots/maniacs/bastards who keep stalking me everyday.... + have to pay 200 per month...
lets see...
6.00am Wake up + prepare to go
6.30am Leave house for the train station...catch 6.40 train...then have to walk there...
8.00am Start class
2/3pm Finish class...either try to find things to do till 6pm ><" *3 hourss!!* then walk back to train station
7.00pm At last got ppl fetch me back...eat n bla~ watch tv XD
9.30pm Do homework + study ><"
12.00am Sleep
goshh~ my life is sooo dull...imagine that everyday...i thought college life is suppose to be fun n go out with frens de?
oh yeah...drastic change...no more chatting online / ro anymore lolx~
my life is sooo boring...boring...
even watch movies also no friends to go with me...sobzz T.T
ahh...i think i can smell some mad cow disease coming on me...
better stop b4 i crap too much...chaoz
Sunday, February 05, 2006
cny
bloggie...boy m i tired...
so many things happened!! grrrr~
i'll start from yesterday...
woke up early...went to visit fren's house since we got an invitation to go kee lynn's house for lunch ^^
i went to sueling's house 1st...goshh man...i performed 'fa ru xue' 4 times in her house!!
1st 1st i played for her...n she said it was nice so i played again...
when alice came i played the 3rd time...n then her parents came back...
her mom was like asking me to perform d best song i could...@@"
1st time i play finish ppl clap hands ><" paiseh~ got mistakes ler ><"
then i went to keelynn's house for lunch...quite a number of ppl was there...including siew mei ^^
after that went to shwuyann's house...followed by alice's house...
that's where we started gambling lolx...i never gamble 1 ler...but my luck in her house good sia...won the most XD then went to irene's house i lost edi ><"
oh yeah...played 'fa ru xue' another 2 times in her house =.=
well i figured since we went to everybody's house except my house...no good nvr invite them...so i invited them to my house after that lor...
asked my mom edi...she doenst mind me inviting guys *finally!!*
since yingkiat korkor was so persistant on coming my house =.= so i might as well invite him along...as well as ermm...hongyew...lolx...
we gambled at my house...i kept losing at 1st...but when yk came arh...wahh i won all the money from him =P he brought luck to me man...after he left i lost edi ><" sobzz T.T
this hongyew hor...faint...dono izit a good idea inviting him...cuz he's quite ermm old compared to me so my mom might think of something...i think she wasnt happy to see him there...
somemore he brought 2 of his frens...which i dono ><" faint faint ~
the atmosphere there soooo awkward...me n my frens gambling n they 3 talking there...
n then hor ><" that chii...or watever is his name =P kept asking me to perform piano again!!! wat the =.= 6th time at my own house...
very nervous sia perform in front of so many ppl ><" i got so nervous in the end i dono how to end it...fainttt~ he still clapped =.=
4 years nvr c hongyew edi he still the same lolx...they went back at around 10...
then just when i locked all my doors...lieng chong showed up =.= with a gal */gg* ask him izit his gf he denied worr....hehe
sat there n talk lor...very quiet oso sia...dono wat to say ><"
that day ended like that...faint...dono how to describe it...my dad wasnt happy about it too ><" i dono he saw hongyew anot cuz he knows him @@"
ended up with no win n no lost i think...cuz i took pretty much of the bucket's coins =P
today ler...faint!!!!! my sis came...that 1 nothing much...
then i went to highlight my hair...
i told her...'i dont want gold!! no gold!!' then she said 'brown hor?'
then i said...'yeah brown is good...no gold ok?' she said 'kk brown then'
u know wat it turned out to be?? GOLD! VERY VERY GOLD!! SUPER GOLD!!!!
wahlau...i really dono wat to say edi... said sooo many times i dont want gold!!! in the end? zzzzzz not a trace of brown...just pure gold...somemore gold until WHITE ler!! grrrrrrrrr!!!!
my mom was scolding me all the way back...n my sis said dye edi nvm la =.= sighh~
i didnt wanna show my colour at my mom's side's dinner so i tied it up...
went to 5th aunt's bigbig banglo in tropicana...ate steamboat there ^^
wasnt as boring as the previous year...probably cuz i played pool a few rounds with my bro...
n sang karaoke lolx...i dont have confidence ><" sing until soo ermm...yucks ><"
my mom hor...kept singing tong hua...yerrrrrr....everybody laughed like hell...
had some fun times there when my cousin said he wanna sing jay's song...only to skip all of it lolx...
ermm got lotsa angpaos there...came back at around 11++
hmm...that mpk building hor...near the river...there's a bigbig clock rite...
cant help but notice the time when i pass by...few mins to 12...
didnt know y a drop of tear came down from my eye ><"
ahh...leave it till later kay?
i wanna go finish my assignments ><" alot alot ler!!! nitez
Friday, February 03, 2006
可惜我是水瓶座
从前在热恋中都未听讲过
别说这种行货哪里留得住我
到底是为什么分手你很清楚
如何笨到底但到底还是我
谁人待我好待我差太清楚
想继续装傻却又无力受折磨
心里羡慕那些人
盲目到不计后果
我就回去别引出我泪水
尤其明知水瓶座最爱是流泪
若然道别是下一句
可以闭上了你的嘴
无谓再会要是再会更加心碎
要是回去没有止痛药水
拿来长岛冰茶换我半晚安睡
十年后或现在失去
反正到最尾也唏嘘
够绝情我都赶我自己出去
曾经 你和我讲过.我绝对不可以没有了你.既使失忆...你依然是我最爱.为什么到了现在...你要这样对我呢?
原来在逐点崩溃逐点粉碎
极固执的如我也会捱不下去
每天扮著幸福始终有些心虚
谁人待我好待我差太清楚
想继续装傻却又无力受折磨
心里羡慕有些人
盲目到不计后果
我就回去别引出我泪水
尤其明知水瓶座最爱是流泪
若然道别是下一句
可以闭上了你的嘴
无谓再会要是再会更加心碎
要是回去没有止痛药水
拿来长岛冰茶换我半晚安睡
十年后或现在失去
反正到最尾也唏嘘
够绝情我都赶我自己出去
Thursday, February 02, 2006
torture
bloggie...for an unknown reason...i've returned to my self-torturing ways...
as in...lock myself in the room n cry whole day...
eat when im feeling the need of energy...that's like ermm 1 meal in 3 days...
i've got lots n lots to say...but i dont know where to start...n i dont know wat to say n wat not to say...i think i'll keep most of it in my heart...
dont wanna hurt some ppl...wanna say sorry to those ppl if i hurt them unintentionally...
my mood really unstable these few days...
n sometimes...im just being direct...
oh yeah...not that i want ppl to pity me by reading all my posts about me torturing myself...
im just typing wat im going through n wat i wanna let out...
for me this blog is just a friend n what i type is meant for bloggie n me...
dont want anybody to pity me or feel sad for me or hate me...
i m very clear of what im doing n going through n i have no intention to change the ways...
maybe this will be better for me...
i kinda wanna clear things up...im not saying that my parents dont love me or care about me
i cannot say anything cuz im not them n maybe i dont understand them...
but the thing is...for 17 years i feel like im just a stranger renting this house staying with them...
u wanna know how i got my ways of weird sleeping time? that's cuz when they r in the house i will be in my room...when they sleep or go out only then i will come out...
i know my elder bro was like me...i used to wonder y is he like that? y does he alienate himself from the family...now i know y...
those of u who really love ur family will say all the parents love their children...
maybe so...but for my case...if they love me...they dont know how to show it or they have a strange way of showing it...
if u knew what i've been through maybe u wont be so firm on ur stand anymore...
those who r close with me knows....they know how is it like being in my house with the presence of my dad...
my sister used to ask me how m i doing everytime she visited us...she knows...
oh...i've typed so long n i havent really state out wat made me think so...
those reasons? i know for a fact that they didnt want me when i was in my mom's womb...
n i didnt make this up...they actually said this to me...
they said they regretted giving birth to me...n if they knew earlier they wouldnt want me in the beginning...
wat more? i was cut with a knife n bleeding like hell n all they did was scold me?
so i would really wish if some ppl would say my parents cared about me...
how can u let ur own child bleed n not give a single damn?
now i know y my bro left the house...y only comes back once every few years...n y everytime he comes back he only wanna meet me n my bro n not my dad...
haix...dont wanna continue anymore...
that's not the main point of my posting today...
supposed to be about other thing...
i'll continue later bah
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
presents
the reason i brought up this topic is that...
i cant stand it!!! arghhhh...
not that i'm complaining im not getting any presents...
but it's the reality of it...
cuz just few days ago i heard my uncle's giving michelle a new phone for her b'day...n few days later someone told me he's getting a w900i for his birthday...
><" im not being greedy or wat...im just...sad...
even a tissue paper as a gift for me will make me happy now...sigh~
from young till now...i never received a present from my dad...yeap...not even 1...
friends r always telling me tales of them getting nice stuffs from their dads...ipod la...hp la...computer la...zzzzz~
i dont wish for all that..all i want is just a tiny bitty 1 from my parents to show their sincerity...but? sigh
this year lol...i dont put much hope...presents r not on my mind now...
for the past 16 years i always get false hopes...now i know presents r not part of my birthdays anymore...cuz i know i wont be getting...not even a tissue paper
u might say im greedy but to think of it...maybe some ppl r just so used to getting that for them it's a normal thing...
wat would u think if not even ur parents show any sign that they know it's ur birthday
or wat would u think if u spent so much on a person for his/her birthday or special occasion only to get back nothing for ur own birthday...not even a wish?
i dont want what's wrapped inside a present...i want the heart that comes with it...
sadly...that's not my case
nonetheless..wanna thank sueling n weishuang for their present...n michelle for that cute top XD love it so much...n wanna thank a person for getting me Jay Chou's Huo Yuan Jia DVD/EP XD soon weee~ thxthx ^^
even though i only get to unwrap 1...lolx...