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This is part 2 of my journal...
well i've posted part one a couple of months ago...
i think it was about 'Loving yourself - All about me'
guess i'll continue...
Oo...this one... ><" this is abit long...but heck~ since i've got tonnes of time now~
-Relationships-
Do you have a girlfriend or a boyfriend?
-err...nop
Do you not have a boyfriend or a girlfriend, but wish that you did?
-well...i dont want to have one now...too hurt to have anybody else in my life...besides, it's unfair for the person cause i stil think about that one person ><" for now or maybe around 10 years...i dont think i will have one
Make a list of the qualities you want in a boyfriend or a girlfriend.
-caring, understanding, romantic, kind, helpful, humorous, outgoing...etc *but i'm being too greedy =P just a list lar...doesnt mean i wont get one without those qualities...still it depends on feelings*
Have you ever had a crush on someone who only liked you as a friend?
-ummm...yeah i guess...few years back...i can only be his closest friend where he trusts me n tells me everything...n yet i knew he never liked me
Has there ever been someone who had a crush on you but you only liked him or her as a friend?
-ahhh...i think so? sigh~ i dono why i dont like him...it's the opposite of the previous question...i really liked him as a friend...but only as a friend...nothing else ><>
What is the nicest and most loving thing your boyfriend or girlfriend has ever done for you?
-errrrrrr....i guess it's being there for me when i need someone...accompanying me online everyday till 6am...n went out to watch movies together XD really glad he was there that time...if not i dont know what i would do...
What is the nicest and most loving thing you have ever done for him or her?
-aikss...now that i really think of it...did i do anything nice? sigh...did i? i guess getting things for him and making cards isnt enough...putting effort n lying to my parents n sacrificing things just to see him? argh...looks like i've never done anything nice
What do you think is the meanest thing your boyfriend or girlfriend has ever done to you?
-haix...meanest thing? there r so many mean things...i guess the worst 1 was ermm...going out with his ex when i'm having my operation
What do you think is the meanest thing you have ever done to him or her?
-i guess i did some mean things too...i know i was stubborn...i know i always lose my temper...i guess it's that i keep scolding him n making him miserable n all? sigh~ how childish i was...
What makes you jealous?
-ermm...him caring bout other girl more than me
What makes you angry?
-i think it's the same as the answer above bah...or err...lying to me bout that...
What hurts your feelings?
-him? ohh what...err sigh~ knowing that he doesnt love me anymore?
What makes you happy?
-i get to be by his side n that he loves me too?
What makes you love him or her most?
-ahhh....i dont know...i dont even know why do i love someone or him...i just love him for him
Have you ever thought you were never going to fall in love again?
-lol...yea...i'm thinking that now...it hurts too much to fall into another relationship...n i dont think i will like any other person as much as err...him anymore
What made you change your mind?
-LOL...i still havent changed my mind...alright lah...i did think bout that last time before n he made me change my mind...n now he made me think bout that again and nobody's gona change my mind =D
Have you ever loved someone and pretended that you were just friends?
-err...ahh...not love la...like maybe got...but that was like ages ago
What were you afraid would happen if you told him or her the truth?
-that ermm...we would not be as close? that he would avoid me?
Do you ever wonder if a "friend" of yours is secretly in love with you?
-haha i thought that's what most ppl would want...well i always wonder if he treats me better than he treats other ppl...
What would you do if he or she told you that?
-ahh...i'll tell him that we would remain as friends? ><" although i know it's kinda hard to get back that closeness cuz now both of us would feel embarrassed
What is the best thing about being in a relationship?
-sigh~ that somebody is there for me...somebody who cares bout me...that i can be with n i can hug n cuddle when i'm sad or need someone...n knowing the fact that someone loves you
What is the best thing about not being in a relationship?
-err...no commitments bah? i think most guys r afraid of that...too tied up...maybe being single you can have freedom
*just what i think...nothing to do with anybody~
Friday, April 28, 2006
Why am I crying? why??
IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE OVER DAMN IT!
today...it's exactly 4 months...4 months since that day
it's already 4 months...
why am i still crying over it?
how did it start? my hand itchy...
went to click on something i shouldnt click...
made me saw something which i shouldnt see
u know what someone told me?
'still him mer? but i saw him just a few days ago he's okay wor...'
Of course he's okay...duhh??!!
in fact i assume he's happy
i'm hoping he is...
am i kidding myself? of course he is
i'm the one who's not okay...
why am i sad? i should be happy for him right?
who he's with now has got nothing to do with me
still...why does it hurt?
why m i still thinking bout it?
i really thought i have gotten over it...
but...
4 months...exactly...
haiz
Thursday, April 27, 2006
Haix...what affects a person's mood?
sometimes for no reason at all u're just...depressed...angry...frustrated...
I was okay just now...still smiling n talking...
but when i came back from fetching my bro from tuition...
it's like my mood changed suddenly~
n i'm getting more n more frustrated...
i think i was almost losing it in front of my friends on msn...
sigh~ wanna say sorry to those whom i have err...almost used harsh words?
nahh...dont think they realize but then i think i've typed abit too fast n too much ><
aih~ tmr going midvalley...
but then...i dont feel like going...
i dont really know all of them...just friends...
not those friends i go out with
haix
damn...i'm really getting hot now
lucky still got some vodka in the fridge =P
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
This is what happened today...
My friend, S and I were walking towards KTM station from college to go back home. I knew I was going to pass by Carrefour again, and I told her about that stranger.
So I said: "Err...there's this guy who looks a bit like my ex in carrefour."
"Oh...that guy arh?"
"Yeah...later after we walk in Carrefour from the bridge the first handphone booth on ur right. The one with the most obvious blonde hair."
After the long walk, we finally reached the pedestrian bridge linking to Carrefour. As we walked nearer and nearer to the handphone booth, I saw him. My heart skipped faster. But still, I nudged S who was walking right beside me. At that time we were almost beside the booth.
I whispered very softly, "Nerr...that one."
I knew he noticed me before since I walk there everyday, so in my heart I was thinking *walk faster, walk faster~ just walk pass him without looking at him*
I walked pass without looking at him, maybe just a glance.
After walking a distance I suddenly realize S was not beside me.
*Ehh? I thought...S ler?*
I turned behind...
*Gaspp~!! oh....my....god...*
S was still stuck beside the booth, walking at a snail's pace. She was walking in front, but her head was turned 90 degrees to the right, staring straight at his face!
At first he was busy attending to his customer to notice us. But she was walking so slow and staring at him hard, it would be impossible for him to not notice her.
"Pssttt!! S!! Why you walk so slow?"
Out of my horror, S said, "Which one? That one is it?" in front of him, staring straight at him!
I almost fainted on the spot.
He looked at her, then turned to stare at me.
"S arh!! Walk faster la, why so slow?"
My heart was beating like hell and I felt hot flushes on my cheeks.
As if only registering what I have been trying to say to her, she suddenly turned and looked back front and picked up her walking speed to catch up with me.
"Oh my god...why were you walking so slow just now and staring hard at him?"
"Aiks...I never realize. I walk very slow meh?"
"DUHH!! He noticed!"
"He was staring at you what. Then he smiling there somemore"
*faint* "Means?"
"I think he and his friends know. Him and his friend were staring at you and smilingat each other."
"Sweat..."
"Nevermind lar...I'm not walking here anymore also, not gonna see him anymore. But you gonna walk here everyday."
"... ..."
How am I going to face to embarrassment walking there anymore~
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
The day started off when i woke up from sleep
once i wake up i had this headache that i almost didnt wanna get out of bed...
when i board the train...i had this funny feeling...
like something bad was gonna happen
i dont usually sleep in the train...cuz im not used to sleeping in public...
n i'm supposed to study maths...
but i didnt know why i was soo moody n grumpy i just slept there ><
n whaddaya know? Stupid KTM got technical problems again..
i heard a few of them talking bout some track problems in Padang Jawa...
seems like they cant use the track....so they had to use the middle track...go far far after Padang Jawa n reverse back =.=
zzz...that took so freakin long..normally Padang Jawa is empty...
but when the doors opened soo many ppl rushed in..
after that is Shah Alam...the station with the most ppl boarding...
inside it was already packed like a sardine...n more ppl rushing in...
they dont even care n just push =.= zzz i can feel those ppl pushing against my leg ler...
up to an extend where the driver didnt open 1 door...n those ppl outside kept banging on the door for it to open =.=
oh it was PURE HELL getting out of the train...those ppl were packed...
like those atoms in solid...have a regular pattern n closely packed together till there r no more empty spaces...
when the door opened in Subang Jaya...as usual, those ppl just push in like mad =.=
well there's this malay guy who scolded 'bagi mereka keluar dulu!!' ><
n was stuck halfway there...i cant stand it n i said 'excuse me' n they all just looked at me =.=
zz...i had to stare at those ppl coming in till they stood back a lil...
zz this was the worst experience man!
after that my mood was worse...usually i walked with 1 friend
but today we just walked seperate ways...didnt even bother to wait for each other =.=
after that i had my maths test...
haix...dont even wanna talk bout it..
this is the 1st time i'm gonna fail my maths...
i know u're gonna say 'nolar...dont worry lar...im sure u did well'
noo~ i'm very sure of it...u know why?
i practically left half the paper blank =.=
55 mins for 4 questions with 4 or 5 subquestions with long long workings
10 mins left n i was only halfway through...
i sweat like hell man...after i pass up i really feel like quitting SAM edi...
not enough time + dono how to do...seriously = FAIL!
well after that i was outside the class smsing someone...n this class walked pass...
there's this guy who stared at my phone from farrr away...
until he was next to me he stood face to face in front of me n stared at me phone wide eyed >> like @@"
i stared at him back @@"
his stare was like from my face to my w900i to my face to my w900i again =.=
somehow gave me a feeling like he never seen anyone with a w900i...
i thought he was gonna walk away...suddenly he said
'WAAAHHH~!! nice phone!'
i was like ??!! 'harh??'
then he held his hand up n showed me his black w900i =.=
zzzz...i was like 'ohh...heheh =.='
my friends were like 'do u know him?'
NOO~?? obviously not...
sheesh...stayed back in library after that to study physics
yet nothing can get into my head...
i am soo gonna flunk my physics tomorrow...
sigh~
wish me luck *
Monday, April 24, 2006
I don't know how many times have i gone through this process...
By right i should be immuned by now...
I thought I was...I really thought I was over it
the past few days my mood is stable abit...
i dont think about him often n i dont feel sad that often...
n everytime i think of him my heart will hurt...it will...
but not as much as before...
it was until today...stupid me~
sigh~ i cried in the bathroom again ><"
i dont know how many times have i typed that sentence here...
haix...dont know why suddenly felt sad when i thought of those moments...
i wanted to cry...but something is like stuck in my throat...
the tears just flowed out yet i cant cry loudly...
the feeling sux...it just sux...
I think my eyes r playing tricks on me
today i saw that stranger again...the one in carrefour...
surprisingly he doesnt look as much alike as i saw him before
he looks...different...
even so there r still some resemblance...
maybe cuz the stare...the feeling i saw in his eyes...
gahh~ i'm crapping
n everywhere i turn i thought i see him...
sigh~ make me excited for nothing sia...
it's like those hallucinations u get in deserts...
u think of the person too much u'll start seeing him everywhere =.=
zzzzz~ what m i doing here?
go study lar~!! maths tmr ><"
Friday, April 21, 2006
I don't know how to start this...
let's see...i guess we always see a guy n a girl very very close to each other...
u always see them together everywhere...
they r always smsing each other n talking on the phone
so u think they r a couple...
or until u found out that they arent...
but how sure are u that one of them doesnt like each other?
it all started when both of them start to get close to each other...
n both of them would pour out their deepest secret...everu lil thing that they wouldnt even tell their best friend
even though they r not that close in the first place...
what is this kind of relationship called? close friends? intimate friends?
well...there are some ppl u can treat as ur close friend only...
u know u r very close to him/her...in fact should almost be a couple...
but u just dont develop that kind of feeling for him/her...
n yet u r still very close with him/her...
the other party however...usually develop a feeling for the other one...
*this is getting confusing*
lets say...Gurl develops feelings for Guy...
Guy treats Gurl as very very close friend...
he told her all his secrets...including stories bout another gurl that he likes...
he cant explain why...but he just feels close with her...
n yet he doesnt like her n have no intention of being together with her...
but...Gurl likes guy...she really likes the guy...
n she shares everything with him too...
but everytime when he tells her about another gurl...her heart hurts...
she can just keep quiet n console him...give advice to him...
imagine encouraging the guy u like to go for another gurl? sigh~
she likes him...n yet she cant tell him...
cuz this will spoil their wonderful relationship
in this situation...what is the gurl to do?
continue admiring him behind his back? continue supporting him...
as she can only be his close friend but never his lover?
this hurts a lot for the gurl...but she doesnt mind...
she just wants to be with him...she just wanna be someone important to him...
what if the guy finds out?
continue treating her as someone important? even though he knows it's gonna hurt her?
or slowly pull away from her...
i think he's gonna feel something too right?
i mean...if u're close with a person for a long long time n then suddenly...
one day it's gone...u're gonna feel u're missing something~
i've been in both...i think 4 years ago i was the one liking the guy...
we chat everytime when we came online till late late night...
n we shared everything with each other that we dont tell other ppl...
when we go out we were always with each other...if u were a passerby u would thought we were a couple
the sad thing is...he likes this other gurl...for a very long period...
i dont know what's their relation...cuz the gurl acts as if she's his gf...but they dont go out...just call n sms...
n he kept complaining to me that...
but i really didnt know how he feels about me then...
being a naive lil gurl...i thought he would at least have a lil feelings for me..
cuz we're really really close...just that thin line seperating us from being a couple
sigh~ although it hurts but i still gotta support n comfort him ><
this went on for 2 years...until i got addicted to ro n didnt contact with him much anymore =.=
i didnt know i'm gona be the other one a few years later...
i was close to this guy...shared everything with him...
n yet i dont have feelings for him...
i really understand that we're only gonna be close friends forever..
i also understand it hurts alot..but i just cant seem to lose this friend...
even so...both of them r with their gf's now XD
so happy for them ^^ although we're not as close anymore but i think like this is better bah~
well this happens to one of my friend...wish him luck~
i dont know what to do...i think this kind of things just let time decide ^^
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
Today is definately a weird weird day...
sooo many things happened...
well...not the big big thing but those small lil dumb things~
n i met...lemme count...4 perverts at least!!!!
in the morning i walked from the train station to college...
n err...something happened lah~ which i dont wanna say
*pifz* dowan choi me fine...grrr~
after that...nothing much lar..
then during my break we sat at the 'forest' (as labelled by Gopi =.=) to study...
n then...errr~ something happened again...
well lets just say the person i least expected to talk to but yet most wanted to talk to confronted me
not that kind of way =.= but at least it's cute XD
had my biology exam...which is...err okay? sigh~ i also dono how i did ><"
then we had a debate in the class...argumentative essay..
n we argued till i said something bout the cows wont feel comfortable =.=~!
damn funny sia...
after class i went to the library to study...
gosh it was raining sooo heavily that time...the sky was so dark!
studied chemistry ><" which im having the exam tmr~
pretty much alone lar...but i dont mind...guess i'm just used to it
well it was pretty boring until i saw something =.=
there's this couple...err...how do u say ah? acting very very intimately in the library =.=
they were sitting in front of this comp...which is high...n everybody can see them
then he started biting her ears =.= as in...u know what i mean lah~
well he couldnt resist n kept doing that...zzz~ i was like @@"
n they started to act more n more err..aggressive?
n she started biting his as well...this went on n on n on for like...soo long~
zzz till i dont wanna look at them anymore =.= get a room lar~
after that i walked to the ktm station...
it all started after i walked out of subang square...
i was waiting to cross the road by the side of the road...
n from far this car kept honing soo long...i was curious so i looked at the car lor
n this guy was smiling to me...like =D
zz =.= i faster cross the road~
right after i cross the road...there's this car from the junction turning out
2 guys were inside...n i was walking opposite them mar...
this guy at the passenger seat was like...sticking his head on the window n look at me =.=
zzzz~ his mouth was open n his hands were on the window as well...pervert
i was like...cursing them all the way...
n not long after that...this car was approaching...
the guy in the passenger's seat was already waving like mad to me...n that driver started to hon...
wtf is wrong with them???!!!
oh...n when i was in carrefour...i had to pass 3 guys who were promoting something...
they were like surrounding me n ask me to take a look at the stuff by calling me 'ahmoi' 1st...
i just ignored them...n this malay!! guy was like saying
'xiao jie ni zhen de hen piao liang ler'
ZZZZZZ~!!!!
f*** all of them lar...no life is it? like to disturb gurls like that...
sigh~ btw...
i just get to see his back today...
my heart was thumping soo hard when i was on the pedestrian bridge walking towards carrefour ><"
i was kinda scolding myself...what the hell is wrong with me ><
every step i take my heart is like thumping harder n harder...
but too bad he was facing his back on me...
i cant possibly turn back n look at him ><
i dont know why i wanna see him...
izit cuz i keep wanna tell myself that he doesnt look like the person i miss?
or do i treat him like a subsitute to that person?
sigh...seeing him is like...seeing...him~
sheeshh...i think too much
go study for exam tmr~ chaoz
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
咳~ 就是这个原因...我才把我的心事都写在这里
刚刚把心事告诉一个人
他就这样不怀好意的说我...把我最心疼的事开玩笑...
我看...他是不明白我...没有人明白
所以我宁可把全部都记在这儿...只有我一个人明白吧~
你相信世界上有长得和你一模一样的人吗?
这个我信...但我万万没想到会遇到长得和他很像很像的人...
我不懂从什么时候开始看到他...
两个月前吧...我每天大概傍晚时分都会从学院走到火车站
我习惯性地用天桥过马路...然后直接走进Carrefour...再从Carrefour走出来...
每天经过他工作的手机店他都会在那儿...
但我从不提起头...总是望着路想着心事...
偶尔会看路过的人...
我有留意过他...可是总没正面看过他...
从远远看到他...总觉得他好像我想念的那个人
但我心里每次想...一定不可能的啦...只是有一点点像...
直到那一天...4月13日...
那个眼神我至今都忘不了...
还记得...我正在天桥上往Carrefour走...
从远远...我看到有一双眼睛望着我...那个人正坐在天桥的楼梯上...
我好奇的望过去...
当我终于到楼梯时...看到的
是他的眼神...就好像我怀念的人望着我一样...
他给我的感觉...就像我想念的那种感觉...
当我们双眼接触时...那一秒...
世界就好像冻结在那一刻...
我似回到了从前...又再看到他那样...
他...真的很像很像那个他...
他的脸型...耳朵...鼻子...嘴巴...都很像
不同的...只是那个陌生人的眼睛很大...很亮...
他的头发染得很金...
就似可爱版的他...
那天以后...就没机会见到那个陌生人...
今天...我又用那条路走到火车站...
当我要走进时...不知我的心为何怦怦跳...
从远方看不到他...我的心还舒服点儿...
可是我一步一步靠近他的店时
却看到了他...
他望着我...我望着他
应该是我想太多吧...
*这只是给我一个人读...自个儿明白...
不信的话...就把这当成是我写的小说...
Monday, April 17, 2006
great...cause of my laziness...i dont get to sleep today...
dai sei!!
now only wanna start doing...
WHAT THE F***ING HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?!?!
zzz n i have test and maths project tmr WHICH i havent even started yet...
see lar~
Saturday, April 15, 2006
I havent got over the shock yet ><"!!
sobzz~ i sux in driving!!
well u see...i just got my driving license on thursday *finally*
i havent got the chance to drive yet...since today i was free so i went n test drive my mom's wira lor ><"
that car arh...@@" manual T.T....somemore it's like more than 10 years ><"
umm...at 1st it was ok...cuz i went rounding around my garden only...
there's not much cars so it was quite okay
until my mom asked me to go to the traffic congested part @@"
those shops with 1 way streets...n if someone gets stuck there it will cause like traffic jam far far away
guess what? =.=
eeeshh~ my engine died there ><" sobzz
i started to get panic when i couldnt get the car started
n the car behind me started to hon me @@"
n that made me more panic...i couldnt get the damn car started!!
somemore once i got it started i was so panic to go the engine died again =.=
faint...that went on n on for sooo long.....
sooooo embarassing...so many ppl looking ><"
eeshhhh..n i made soo many mistakes!
it's soo different from driving a small kancil ><"
i was soo used to driving kancil...
n this is the 1st time my engine died soo many times =.=
i havent had any big problems at all when i started learning =.=
n i really got use to the kancil during the exam
no panic...just smooth driving >"<
sigh~ eee!!!! T.T
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
失恋...
其实...我想很多人一定经历过吧~
每个失恋的人大概也在经历一样的过程...
一样的觉得心好像被割开一样...活得没意义了
但...那只是暂时的...
虽然基本上都是一样的失恋...
每个人还是会有着不同的心情...过着不同失恋的日子...想着不同的东西
也用不同的方式过这种生活...
好羡慕有些人...失恋后把精神专注在刺绣...读书...工作...食物上
一个月后就把所有的痛苦忘掉了...
但有些人好可怕哦~
点蜡烛一滴一滴的把蜡滴在手上...*她知道她是谁*
据说痛, 能把心里的痛苦给忘掉...是一种很痛快的感觉...
更恐怖的是...那些为情自杀的
我看很多人也曾经想过这个方式去解除痛苦吧
而我...我也有想过要伤害自己...还可是多得不可算数~
但我没有那个勇气...我到最后还是得回理智
每次都想~ '如果世界上没有人关心我...至少还有我自己...一定要为自己活下去!'
我把所有的痛苦都哭出来...
抱着我的枕头...放生大哭~
哭出所有悲伤...所有痛苦...所有寂寞...
然后把自己陶醉在自己的世界里...
音乐陪伴着我
还有把我的心情记下来...让我以后能回故当时的心情
就这样过了差不多4个月...
我还是脱离不了那黑暗的阴影
我的方式应该是让自己更加痛苦吧
每天听着那些有过我们的回忆的歌...
就算听了一百次...一千次...还是百听不厌
就好像第一次听的感觉...很怀念...
在钢琴上弹着忧伤的曲子...
每天手指自然的在琴键上弹着那熟悉的曲子
心里想的却是我们过去的点点滴滴
空闲时脑海中就是逃离不了他的影子
音乐和回忆就是让我渡过每一天的生命力
就是那些影子陪伴着我...偶尔哭一下
虽然它让我痛苦...
我还是会选这种方式
因为我心中...还有他
*今天早上在车上听到这首歌 - 工体北...顿时感到好开心...好像有一阵幸福感~
听这首歌让我想开了很多...至少它让我开心~
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
笨蛋!
为什么我还是那么的笨?!
4个月了...为什么我还放不下?
不知道为什么...我昨天在火车上尽然流了眼泪
茫茫人海中...我听着歌越听越入神
不知不觉泪却流下来了
还好我发现...把泪擦干
但接下来我还是很努力地忍着
泪水在眼里打滚
那种滋味很难受
在那人群中...有一双眼睛默默的望着我正忍着泪的眼睛
我一直都没发觉...直到我不知觉地看到他~
他看着我的眼神好像看透了我的心
似知道我在想着什么...思念着某个人
好羞耻...他一定是在想着我这个人到底怎么了...搞得自己那么的可悲
下了火车...在路旁等着车...
我还是那么固执...坚持继续听那些悲伤的歌
在车上...泪还是流下来...
还好没被人发现
可是当我自己一个人在冲凉房时...却忍不住把之前忍住的泪...
痛哭了一大场...
我把自己的哭声淹没在那流着的水
在冲凉房呆了好久...好久
我很笨! 我狠狠地骂了自己
事过了那么多月...为什么还牵挂着?
Saturday, April 08, 2006
Sleepwalking - a sleeping disorder where the sufferer engages in activities that are normally associated with wakefulness while asleep or in a sleeplike state.
Oo...interesting...sleeping disorder =.= does that mean i have mental problem? ><"
is that freaky? i guess it is for most ppl...
yea i sleepwalk...but i still dont get how it happens though...
in fact...i think it occured more often than i thought
even those serious n freaky ones
according to wikipedia...most cases occured when a person is woken up...sit up...look around...n immediately go back to sleep...
i guess that happens to me all the time @@"
i think i remember some of it when i stared around n went back to sleep immediately ><
at least that's not as bad...
hmm...i dont use alarm clocks...cuz alarms dont wake me...
i will just 'sleepwalk' over to the alarm clock n turn it off...n go back to sleep without the slightest idea =.=
alot of times i woke up late staring at the alarm clock wondering did i turn it off?
i was soo pissed cuz i cant wake up to an extend that i put the alarm clock outside my room...in the living room =.=
i guess if i was annoyed by the alarm sound i have to walk outside to shut it off...n it'll definately wake me...
guess what? i woke up 5 hours after the alarm n i was like...wat the? did i even wake up just now?
i asked my mom n she was like...'wat? u came out just now n turn it off wat...'
*faint* did i? i dont have the slightest idea of walking there n turning it off ><
but those r not as bad as some really horrible ones...i can remember 2...
the 1st 1...i went to a family holiday with my relatives from my dad's side in cherating...
i slept in the same room as my aunt n my 2 elder cousins...
my aunt slept on the extra bed next to where i sleep...
i thought i had a peaceful night... until the next morning...
my aunt was staring at me like @@"
i was like 'huh?'
she said 'u dont remember anything at all?'
'what thing? what happened?'
'......'
she said 'last night...u suddenly woke up in the middle of the night'
according to her...i sat up...walked til i was beside her n stared at her with empty eyes...
she was like @@" wat the??? freaked her out totally...
i was just staring at her ><" like a ghost
then i opened my mouth n say '我要睡觉' ( i wanna sleep) *in monotonous voice...like how a ghost might have said*
she said to me 'u wanna sleep here is it?'
'我要睡觉'
'u really wanna sleep here? let u sleep lar'
*stare*
n then i walked to the bathroom...opened the door...stared inside for a while...closed the door...n then i went back to sleep
my god...i was like *did i really do that??*
i dont remember a thing! that was when i knew i sleepwalk
a few years later...i think?
i went holiday again with my family...with a tour in somewhere...cant remember where...
my dad n my bro share a room n me n my mom took another room...it was opposite the hallway...
i had a good sleep...until...it happened ><"
i dont remember waking up...all i remember was i was walking towards the door...
it was like in scary movies when a person walks aimlessly in the dark...
i just remembered i was closer n closer to the door...
i thought i was dreaming...but i was awake...i didnt know what state was i in then...sleeping but awake?
i went to the door...i unlocked it...n then i opened it...
i still thought i was in the dream...but i was very clear of what i was doing
i just couldnt control my actions...like in a dream
n then i went out of the room...n closed the door
the moment i heard the door clicked...i was instantly awake...
i was like 'huh??! what am i doing out here?'
that time i was very wide awake...but i was stuck outside on the corridor ><
i kept pressing the doorbell n knock the door but my mom was asleep
i had no choice but to go to my dad's room to call my mom n ask her to open the door
well it was like 3 or 4 in the morning so my dad was quite err alarmed n cautious n he didnt wanna open his door at first...
they were like...'swtzzz'
goshh...it was horrible...after that i was afraid of going on holidays cuz i scared i will do something stupid again...
locking urself out in a corridor in the middle of the night isnt the safest idea...
it could get worse ><"
sometimes i knew what i was doing...but i thought i was dreaming n i just couldnt control it...
i would just do things like that...
n those r the ones ppl tell me... who knows what else have i done in my house in the middle of the night @@"
but lately i dont think i remember sleepwalking anymore...
those things happen years ago...
lets just hope that i grew out of it ><
Friday, April 07, 2006
zzz...u know what?
i thought i would at least be abit hardworking today...
having done my chemistry draft...i thought i would work on my ESL draft today...
n i even thought of skipping movies with my friends later on to stay back at the library to do work...
but then....
=.= why m i so careless?!
i forgot to transfer the files from my mom's pendrive to my own pendrive...
so i brought the whole stack of sources for nothing!!
what lar...i even brought my maths textbook in case i wanna do my maths homework later ><"
i have 2 hours of break today...
since i'm waiting for weishuang i thought i would get a head start on my ESL draft
sigh~ prepared so much n yet cannot do... T.T
i've been wondering...
am i having bad luck these few days?
i nearly slipped in the bathroom cuz the floor was wet...
n to prevent myself from slipping i used my other leg to stabilize myself by kicking the sharp edge of the floor =.=
i felt painnn...very pain...but i didnt look
i was halfway putting in my contact lenses...n my mom kept scolding me!!
said it was my fault lar this lar that lar...
it was only until later when i had on both my contact lenses that i realized the pool of blood on the floor =.=
i was like @@" where does all this blood come from? n i looked at my leg =.=
sigh~ there's a deep cut across my big toe...n i dont have the medicine at home ><"
i cant put plaster cant put anticeptic...i think it's beginning to get infected...
what else? oh yeah...i knocked my elbow twice...n i slammed my finger too...
aihz~ i think there's really something wrong with me...
there's one other thing as well...
something reminds me of me last few years...
where i'm being stubborn and having mood swings n simply lau gai ><"
it was a wonder how they can tolerate me....
i guess...i grew up now...
if it werent for him i wouldnt see myself in a different perspective
i suddenly realized how childish and bossy i was...
i guess i must thank him...
zz...craps...ignore it as usual~
Lazy
bugger...
see lar...i'm too lazy to do my work again
always put off till last minute...
want to hand in today n i only started doing it at 12am =.=
blardy hell~ what's wrong with me arh?
seriously i wanna quit SAM!!!
haiz...my chemistry report is due next week!
n yet i havent hand in my 2nd draft...my lecturer's already asking us to hand in the final report...
die lah~!
i focus too much on my ESL research i didnt really put attention on my chemistry n bio n physics assignments!
yeesh~
i did a bad bad job u know...
she commented soo much on my 1st draft
said my research wasnt indept...
of cuz lar! i only have to blame myself...
why? i only started doing it last minute!!
while other ppl took weeks to prepare
haiz~ loan ping arh loan ping...
what's wrong with u?
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
screwed up
haiz...Haixx~
I really ought to kill myself now...
i totally screwed up my issue analysis for ESL...
it's not that i think i did badly that kinda thing u know...
even my ESL teacher came to me n told me that I DID BADLY!!
my god...even said pity me in front of whole class...
i really dont know how to continue SAM
my name was 2nd on the list...so today's my turn lor
she didnt really brief us on anything...just told us wat to do
n when i got in...my god...she asked many many confusing questions!!!
it's not direct...very very tricky n i didnt know how to answer
so i just answered what i know lor...
n guess what...I FORGOT TO GIVE REFERENCES!!
damn it...when it was over she said 'pls remind others to provide references'
i was like 'fucking shit'
wahsehh!!!!! DAMN IT LAR~
my cue cards flew to Sri KL ler...the wind blew it away...zzzz so suey..
i didnt know it was that bad...
until she finished 3 students today n she came to talk to us
she was talking halfway n suddenly turned to me n said 'u missed out alot of points u know?'
i was like 'oh my god'
n she said 'u had ur chance...but u didnt do well'
n later during our extra class...
although she didnt really said it but she discussed with the class about it
about how badly i did!!
damn...fuck lar
i screw up the whole thing edi
n the worst thing is...this is 20% from the internal assesment
which is counted in the final assesment...
MEANS I LOST 20% FROM MY ESL
how in the hell am i gona get an A
HOW?!
CAN I JUST GO JUMP FROM THE TOP FLOOR NOW?
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
梦
其实一切都没变
她还是那么的孤单
她还是自己一个人
走着偏僻的路
路过的人只是擦肩而过
每一个只是生活上的一个过客
就像他
也是生活上的一个过客
他的存在是那么的短暂
虽然如此
他却在她生命中留下很深很深的疤痕
那短暂的幸福
足以给她一生的希望
但那希望却不是长久的
所以这一切犹如一场美梦
一场短暂而幸福的梦
但是梦始终还是虚伪的
过去的梦是挽不回的
她也该从梦中醒来了
Monday, April 03, 2006
I can drive XD
Weee~ I can drive already...
actually...i dont know y m i not excited now =.=
*yawnzz* i slept for 6 hours! came back at 3 liddat...then slept till now =.= *faint~*
anywayz...i dont think i get to drive also...
my dad wouldnt even let me touch his car...n my mom's car keep breaking down...
so no car to drive le ><"
n yea...that time my mom somemore scolded me 1 hour ++ cuz of this dumb thing...sigh~
anyway...i dont know why i'm not that nervous today compared to the day i sat for trials...
maybe cuz i err...paid? */e5*
malaysia's damn corrupted sia...really damn corrupted...
all my friends who insisted not to give failed for the 1st time...then they dont dare le...
well...i waited around 1 hour ++ for my on the road test...
luckily for me i met 3 of my friends there XD
when it was my turn...he asked me lots of stuffs...not the important 1...as in the 'sekolah apa moi?' =.=
n he asked me to U turn back on the way...didnt even have to finish the route...
zzz~ yea yea...just cuz u receive money that's y i pass so easily
my bukit almost failed though =P
at 1st i mati enjin the fella shouted at me 'HOI!!' then i faster start back =P
then when i got up the damn handbrakes not functioning properly...the place for use to press also broken half edi =.=
sshheesh...
but i pass le XD
can get my P license soon...^^
*yawnz* y m i so sleepy~
Driving test
it's raining!! + i have stomach acheeee !! arrgghhh~
how m i gona sit for my driving test with an aching stomach n a bad bad weather?
zzzz~ ZZZZ~!!!!
haiz...i think i'm gonna fail ler~
wish me luck oh~
Blog
I read something from another blog which i feel is true...at least for me...
seems that i'm not the only one having this problem
'i blog not for attention. i blog not because it makes me feel great. i blog because i want to tabulate how i feel. i want to remember how i felt about things and if i still feel the same way about them later on.'
寂寞
你说你寂寞...那我呢?
我也不是一样那么寂寞吗?
可是为什么我们却不能彼此安慰对方?
可能那是因为...
aisk~ i'm crapping again
just ignore it kay?
i dont know what have gotten into me...
since i got back last night i became soo lazy...
went to sleep after i came back n woke up at 12pm...
guess what? i read newspaper for 1 hour n went back to sleep again =.=
i guess i'm not productive with my family around ya know?
always had to wait till they r alseep only i can focus on doing my thing
but...i'm still so lazy now...why?
aih~
i've got to hand in my bio project tomorrow...
n i havent even started yet...*/e5*
what the hell is wrong with me?!
why in the hell cant i get on with life dammit!
now i really dont like going out anymore...
just wanna stick to my old faithful bolster~
everytime i go out...shadows of those memories from the places i've been will haunt me...
everytime i pass by those places we've been together i will be staring at it =.= remembering all those bits n pieces...zzz~
that's wat happened when i went to 1Utama on saturday...
i was there waiting for saki...
but she's bz with her cele...n i didnt want to rush them
so i walked alone lor...sigh~ n then i walked around aimlessly...
gsc...italliannies...movie magic...
haixx...n when they arrived i feel like such a lamp post man
dont know where to walk...
eeshh!! i really dont know what the hell is wrong with me these days
n dammit...why my playlist keeps playing jay's songs?!
there r so many songs there...why does it keep picking those songs the reminds me of.... gRR~
oh yea...i find that nowadays i dont trust guys anymore...
especially those who breaks the promises made to me
not the big big promises...even the small small ones...
eg ffk me or wat...or making empty promises which they think very fun to make izit?
promise me will do this...will come...
in the end? 'sorry i wont be able to make it...' 'aiyah i think i dowan lar...sorry arh'
if last year i would be absolutely fine with it...
but now? i'm totally disgusted
seriously why promising someone if u wont be able to keep that promise?
n if u were to make empty promises to me...just get the hell out of my life
sorry abit harsh...guess my mood isnt good now...
somemore the songs arent helping much~
nitez