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i was supposed to be in bed...
but the usual thing happened again
*stares at ceiling* while my brain is screaming at me to sleep
but still i m wide awake...
sigh...
i think i better study bah
not much time le...less than 1 week to my finals
n i'm still going shopping tmr =X
btw, i am happy nowadays
i've never been this carefree since the beginning of the year
although it may not seem so here...
that's cuz i seldom blog about my happiness u see
but i m very glad i've escaped from the clutches of suffocation
the depressing responsibility to report my whereabouts and the suffocation of being enslaved
it's over! lol...who m i kidding...i should have freed myself months ago
dono why m i so stupid =X
anywayz...enough crapping...
i have a mock exam tmr at 8...
dont think i'll be sleeping ><"
study better hor? ^^
Friday, October 27, 2006
that refers to me...
don't know what's wrong with me nowadays ah...
when i drank coffee few days ago so i could study...i couldn't sleep at all after that...
24 hours never sleep de @@"
but then even though im wide awake im too tired to study =.="
i lie on the bed staring at the ceiling n my mind would be
'SLEEP LAH!!! why cannot sleep??!! faster sleep lah~!!!'
n then after that i didnt have the urge to study anymore
so naturally i didnt drink any coffee...the result?
gosh...i can sleep for the whole day!!!!
24 hours asleep...n only awake for 4 hours for bathe, food n tv =.=
never study also ah! T.T
seriously i have sleeping problems le lah
so lazy...how to go uni study liddat??
there's another prob...i'm beginning to feel lonely n depressed >.<"
nowadays i dont msn much le...nobody msn me =(
lol...not like last year...had so much fun catching up with ppl online
until...zzz nvm =D
i feel so...err...isolated?
msn nobody to chat with...then cant really go out yumchar too
n i dont have much friends to go out with...
since beginning of this year i seldom go out with friends
n i pretty much understand why
because of that i shut my friends out...sometimes?
n now wat's the consequence?
dai sei lah...now alone ady nobody wants to comfort me...
that's why ppl need friends u see...
friends r important part n parcel of one's life
they can comfort u n help u out when u're in trouble
u cant just shut them out when u've got someone special
u think that gf/bf is ur everything but...
wat if something wrong between u guys n u need help
by then u have no one...like me =(
aiyah i dont wanna go into that
the more i think about it the more i m furious
bahh...study better =)
1 more week to finals T.T
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
eee!! arrghhh~!!
i dont know what's wrong with me now
i just cant seem to get into study mood sia >.<
for 2 days i'm stuck in that same chemistry chapter...
2 days ah...havent even progress past that miserable 1 topic...
dumb leh...once i read i wanna fall asleep jor...
how m i gonna sit for my finals liddat =X
so sien...i think i need tonnes of nescafe =D
need some boost...
n good luck to all preparing for finals XD
Saturday, October 21, 2006
Today was my grandma's birthday...from my mom's side
i'm not particularly keen on going cuz im not close with my mom's side =X
but her b'day so must pay respect abit...
these few days i've been crying alot >.<"
everytime when my tears poured out i wanted to blog about it...
those raw emotions building up in my heart...
but i dont wanna leave my room =X my only sanctuary...sigh~
my parents are bias...i've been mentioning that quite alot last year...
they only care about my bro n not me...
i've blogged a few posts about that...about how they treated me...
n this year i thought i can escape that by minimizing the contact with them...
but no matter how i run...i still cant hide from that
u know at 1st i thought they didnt wanna pay for my tertiary education was because we were poor n stuff like that...
my mom said they had no money to pay for my education...
n several times i heard my dad n mom argueing about it when i was asleep...
that really hurts u know...everytime they mention about me my tears would fall down uncontrollably
but i only can keep it to myself...i've got no one to complain to...
n of course i cant say it to them
until today...
my aunts n relatives were like asking me 'why dont go overseas?'
n i said i've got no money...
so they said to my mom 'u got so many houses...sell off 1 to pay for her studies lah'
n boy...u know what she replied...
'aiyah...nonit to pay for her lah...those houses must keep for ys (my younger bro) next time...he's a guy...must let him go overseas'
WTF? i just stared at the floor...
n my relatives were all havoc
'AIYERR...重男轻女 (bias)'
'what lahh...u r a headmistress urself n u treat ur daughter liddat?'
n my mom was smiling n keeping quiet the whole time zzz
i just kept quiet...but inside...i really felt like crying
i almost couldnt hold it >.<" i think a tear or 2 escaped my eye...
luckily it was nearing the end...
n in the car i just couldnt hold it anymore...
imagine driving with blurry vision...
n i stepped on the accelerator like @@"
she had the nerve to defend for herself somemore...
she said 'u think i bias? ur handphone ler? ur clothes ler?'
i just had to say 'u didnt even pay 1 CENT for my hp or my clothes so stop lying'
that shut her up for good...sigh
even my bro knew they cared bout him more...
at least he's good >.<" he stood up for me...
sigh~
u know what? i really wanna run away from home...
i can't stand it anymore...
just anywhere will do...
Thursday, October 19, 2006
Dear bloggie,
I am so stressed out now >.<"!
well, i just got my forecast results...and err...i don't know which Uni to apply to!
umm...i am soo lucky that I can meet the minimum entry requirements for IMU...i got 85 XD
actually my teachers are good u know...i m really grateful that they give me such good forecast results...
although got 2 B's but >.<" still good enough...
must really work hard for finals le...cannot disappoint them...
Let's see...my friend was asking what are my Uni choices...maybe it would help me make decision if i listed it out...
1. IMU - medicine...I seriously dont know what's my main reason for taking up medicine...u know what was i thinking? If i didnt get into IMU, i won't apply for medicine at any other local private Uni...meaning Manipal, AIMST, UCSI all out >.<" I guess i wanna study in an environment I like and I at least approve of...at least my accomodation n transportation there are kinda taken care of? n it's not bad lah...for Malaysian Uni
2. NUS - biomedical science...haha...i wanted to apply for medicine there...but it's impossible for me to get in with my results...totally impossible...i dont even wanna bother trying...NUS is good though @@" ranked 19th in the world...n top 10 in Science courses...n the environment there...really a dream for me...but the down side is...there's only 1 intake a year - august =.=" gotta wait so long *swt*
3. Monash U - biomedical science...this was kinda my first choice last year...i was quite sure i wanted to do it here before i went to Taylor's...monash isnt bad...at least it's a foreign uni ranked top 100 in the world...but i dont wanna revolve my life around subang...i want a change of environment =P
*aiks...cant think of any other Uni i wanna go le >.<"*
backups - UTAR...errr...nothing more i can think of lol
arrghh...so farn~!! did i even consider other jobs unrelated to bioscience?
i kinda like computing stuffs...but then >.<" im sure i suck in it...
engineering? gahh... i hate physics...especially those electric / electronic / mechanical stuffs =.="
business? no way...i hate business / economics / finance / accountings...dont even wanna bother trying...
architecture? actually it was 1 of my childhood ambitions u know...i have a whole stack of house plans i drew on graph papers @@" but...dont want lah im not that creative
music? it's kinda an on n off thing...no good...
writing? actually...i kinda like writing stories n stuff...but my language not that good la >.<"
mathematics? i like doing maths...only the ones i know how to do =.=" those i dono i will just give up...bad sign lol
astronomy? this was my ambition for more than 10 years...but im too poor to study this lah =.=
law? actually...im kinda good in argueing lol...i scold ppl alot =X but then...dowan lah...i dont wanna get involved in malaysian politics or law stuffs...somemore must memorize alot ler
psychology? i suck in talking to ppl and comforting ppl...=.=
aiyoh....nothing else i can think of le >.<"
HELP? anybody?
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
Time really flies...it's already the month of october...
sigh~ i still can see myself venturing in college life at the beginning of the year...
at that moment...uni life is soo far away...
n now? @@" i really dont know what to do sia...
I got my academic report...
n surprisingly...very surprisingly...i got an A for english!!! @@"
i m very sure i got 80...need 81 only can get A de >.<" or 80.5 bah... i guess she must have added extra marks for me XD that's surprising sia...she's very strict de
Since i'm gonna face my finals soon
let's review my progress so far =D
English - ahh...kinda improved bah...beginning that time i didnt really understand the format n all...really changed a lot...from bottom of B to A XD hope i can get A for finals bah =X
Biology - drop ady T.T sobz...at the beginning i did really really well in all the quizzes n all...always 18 or 19/20 geh...then now ler >.<" almost didnt get A le lah...sigh~ it's because i didnt study for trials bah... *knock me head!!*
Chemistry - drop also =.=" i got A for the 1st test...n then B...and then weaker B...now almost C...gosh...n i thought chem was 1 of my strong subjects in the beginning >.<" ah well...get B for finals also happy enough le
Physics - this 1 improve le XD 1st report i got C...almost fail de C =.=" so happy my hard work paid off...but cuz i focus too much on this i get sucky results for bio n chem =.=...just hope i can do the same for trials?
Maths - aiyoh this ah...i cannot do anything lah...too lazy =X always also weak B geh...aih but nowadays i got do questions le...hope i can improve >.<" at least get a B T.T
i feel so inferior >.<" my results...average lah...n i think i'm ranked the 400+ out of 1000 bah...
my classmates who got 80+ aggregrate also ranked 80+ jor...
sigh...how m i gona apply for medicine? T.T
yeah well...although im eligible to apply for IMU n stuff...i dont think i can compete with other ppl...
their minimum entry requirement is 80% aggregrate...for which i got 79% for my trials T.T
forecast results should be can get 80% just nice bah...
but u see hor...80% is average...how m i gonna compete with those who get 90+?!
n most of the times get below 85 no hope ady T.T
sigh~ what m i gonna do ler?
study study >.<"
or sleep 1st =P
nitey~
p/s* my blog too sien...post pic from my primary classmates gathering ^^ all changed le leh...grow up ady XD sigh how i miss the primary days >.<"
Thursday, October 12, 2006
Dear bloggie,
I havent been blogging for days...
n my blog is deprived of interesting posts =.=
well...after trials, bombs of past year questions have been thrown at our face...
everyday also must do geh T.T very tiring
imagine 1 hour for each subject...thats like 4 hours at least...
sigh...no time for extra study also...
i'm gona die
n u know what? my forecast results sux!
well havent officially out lah...but im sure it will suck
how m i gonna apply for medicine?
die die die die...nvm nvm
today's topic is destress...
dont wanna talk bout this 1st...
enjoy this funny pic taken by my bro in law at a playground near his old house i think? ><
Me: You see my hair...long long oo!!
My bro: My hair short short...like this! XD
*p/s: looks how much saliva he drooled on his shirt =.=
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
eesh...error on page again...
i dont know how to use html codes
so it'll be the same boring blue font
sienz...
dont wanna blog le =(
Monday, October 02, 2006
ah well...getting back my trials paper...
i couldn't help but think that...i'm nearing the end of my college life...
1 more month left n i'm gona sit for my finals for SAM
what m i gonna do next??!!
where m i going to go?
seems irony that i m ambitious since young
n have planned my future well on what m i gonna do even when i m in primary school
but i m so clueless now @@"
gosh...i havent even apply for any Uni...
most of which are over deadlines...im left with lil choices T.T
sobz...i wanted to do medicine...but dont know whether m i qualified or not =.=
gah...i'll leave that after i get my forecast results
uhmm...so back to my trials results...
remember i studied like...quite hard for my physics?
err...not to consider 1 week hard lah...but then it's quite surprising for me
yeah well...i told myself if i hadnt get an A i would be really disappointed
n boy...was i disappointed when i get back my paper =(
but then...seems like he missed out a few marks XD
so i got an A after all...wee~!
quite happy lah i guess...really improved since the 1st part of Sem 1
my English however =(
well in the beginning she said it would be really tough
n getting an A1 in SPM doesnt mean anything...
she was right u know...i got a C for my 1st part of Sem 1
i was so disappointed...
english in secondary school being my best subject has suddenly dropped so low
but i improved i guess...for my midyear i scraped through...
following her instructions and all...i managed to get an A...by 1 tiny winy mark =.=
n before i sat for my trials she was like
'u have shown tremendous improvement'
'heheh...thx' =)
'can u get an A for me in trials?'
'erh...i try?'
'nono! u cannot try...u MUST'
'umm...okay?' >.<"
sigh...today when she walked in she looked at me with those disapponting look in her eyes...
n she said 'i'm quite disappointed at some of u...i expect u all to get an A yet u didnt get for me'
sobz...apparently even after i got an extra mark from her...she calculated wrong u see...
i still got 80...u know what? 80 is not enough to get an A
ARGHH~!!
need at least 80.1 to get A...*faint~* speechless jor
oh well... that's all i guess?
must start studying le >.<"