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dear bloggie...
i'm sad =(
i started the day with much anticipation...
that's cuz today's thursday! when i finally get to see him again...
a tired tired day...i was nodding off during japanese lecture...
after that i went for the tutorial with my heart skipping faster than usual
when i opened the door n saw him there...
my heart melted...
he looked so cute!!
i couldnt stop thinking 'omg omg omg...so cute...very cute!!' in my head
today he was different
normally he would wear a short sleeve button shirt with long pants n sport shoes
but today....his dressing style was totally my type
as in...i like guys who dress like that...very cool
he was wearing a 3-quarter long sleeve shirt...not that loose...
so his broad shoulders n nice body kinda showed =X
n he pulled his sleeve till his elbow...very smart looking!
eee....he looked so young n cute n shuai~! *hearts <3*
plus today his hair was at the correct length...he looked so ハンサムよ
in the class...i couldnt help but notice the way he leant on the wall with his hands in his pocket
the way he walked across the class with his hands in the back pocket
so very....yeng...
looked much younger and cuter than usual
gosh...i have the hots for this type of guys *blush*
couldnt take my eyes off him =P
somemore the time when he leant across the table to face us
smiled, tilted his head n said 'ね'
omg! so cute......!!
i know i said this many many times already...
but i couldnt help it....
he just has this ability to can make me...hyper n happy
n suddenly all the tiredness in my body gone...
god knows where all the energy came from suddenly
i like myself best when im in that class with him
i felt so...pure n unpretentious n genuinely happy
i really enjoy myself =)
there was this part where he was asking one of the girls bout what sports she play
she said jogging...n he said...me too! =)
then the conversation kinda ended
suddenly out of the blue the girl said
'いっしょにいかがですか'
@@"...the whole class started laughing
n he was shocked initially...
this girl was asking him out!!
i was hoping...say cannot...cannot k? >.<"
'ええ、いいですね。いつですか'
SOB!!
we kept laughing all the way...
the conversation was quite cute...
but in the end he couldnt i was like...wee~
lolx although i know it's not real but...
seeing the girl so brave...really pui fok lolx...
he was super cute!
then there was this part where we were talking bout a japanese band...
they were saying the guys from the band r very handsome
then he said '私もハンサムですね'
LOL....
the class started *cough cough...*
so cute larh him...
his antics just make me smile =)
but today...i left the class with a broken heart =(
he was making conversations with us...
at some point of time they were talking about stuffs
n he said he didnt have tv at home
'ほんとですか'
'ほんとですよ。お金がありませんから'
'テレビがありません、おかねがありません'
i was enjoying the conversation up till now...thinking how cute he was talking japanese
how he was relating to us about his personal life
about his house...!! his house...
n then he said something that made my heart stop...
'でも、だいじょうぶですね。あいがありますから'
'noo...that couldnt be what he meant...i must have heard wrong...i dont believe it'
'nono...cannot be....he meant something else...'
even though i know that he's not single...but i was in denial mar =/
he didnt admit means still not confirmed?
i guess everyone didnt catch his sentence as all were whispering around
only im in shock staring at him with eyes wide open
he was smiling n saying 'あいですよ'
they still....har?
then he walked to the whiteboard...and wrote 愛
the moment he wrote down the 1st stroke of the kanji
my heart shattered into a million pieces...
i couldnt believe it...he admitted it! that was the last straw! T.T
i was so...sad all of the sudden....all the happiness just evaporated
in that moment the world stopped...time stopped
all i could feel or hear was my heart breaking
my friend who was asking me bout wat he meant had to repeat herself a few times
before i finally woke up from the shock
she still didnt get it
so i tried to explain...
mumbled nonsense for a few seconds before i finally got the courage to said
'he said he has love'
'har? wat u mean? u mean he doesnt need a tv because he has love?'
by that time the class was quiet...n all were listening in to our conversation =.="
'err...i guess so...' *steals a glance at him*
he was nodding n smiling!!! T.T
'that sounds so wrong...'
*more whispers*
=(
but i didnt care how wrong it sounded...
cuz one way or the other it shattered my heart =(
after that the whole time i was in a daze...
i no longer smiled...
instead the tiredness and emoness finally struggled free from the happy spell he cast upon me
my eyes were fixed on the floor...staring into void
couldnt bring myself to look at him
he looked so happy...so 幸福
n when he looked at me sometimes
i just held the gaze for 1 second before quickly looking down
in my heart i couldnt help but think 'omg so shuai'
then when reality settled in...'why look at me wor...u have love already =('
i really wanted to believe that he was looking at me
but i think too much obviously =.=
i was happy for a moment when he remembered my name!
he remembered most ppl's name...
as he was able to call them out by name
but when he asked me to perform the dialogue he never once said my name
just 'お願いします'
then that time this guy needed to start the conversation with my name
so he asked 'お名前は'
i was struggling for word when i heard my name...from him!
he does know! =)
oh well...that doesnt mean anything...does it?
today i was already in a depressing mood...
after the class i was even more depressed...
started showing signs of....unstableness?
i was at the biz school bus stop...
usually i'll take A1 back which'll take me around 5 mins...very near
but instead i had this sudden impulse to board the bus which goes the opposite direction
which means turning 1 big round through my uni before going back...20mins?
i dunno...i just felt...i dunno
sigh...
2 more weeks before the tutorial ends...i have only 2 more chances to see him
i shall appreciate it...lolx =)
im tired...
i shall end with a song lyric...
written by this cute talented guy 陈志豪 for someone to give it to someone
i like the song alot =)
some sentences i can really connect with see...
not all...mind u...
just some sentences that spoke my heart out
溜然你的美 落花在我心田
只要想到你 就没有了自己
自从遇见你 我就少根筋
只要想到你 就没有了自己
这意外来得太意外 还没作好准备
总会一个眼神就让我 失去节奏
从没想过 你会闯进我生活
打乱我心跳节奏 让我不由自主地失魂落魄从此没了tempo
要把你拥入怀中 享受幸福的以后
就算慢半拍 爱心甘情愿为你守
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
ughhh...
i cant sleep!
i tried...believe me i tried...
was twisting n turning around for 2 hours
dam frustrated to know that im racing against time to get my precious sleep
finally gave up...
what's the point...i have to be awake in less than a hour's time now
so by the time i can fall asleep i'd have to wake up already
that'd make me even grumpier
but i'm so...blur n tired n dizzy now!!
signs of auto-piloting r very imminent... =/
think i'd be auto-piloting all the way through tutorial later bah =(
lucky i only had 1 class today...
but i have to run alot of places today~
hope time'll pass in a daze today so i can faster come back to sleep...
anyway...since thursday's coming...
n that i can see him pretty soon... =D
i was thinking that last last thursday i didnt post about him...
well...wasn't in the mood...n my finger's hurt see...
but that day was sweet...
even though i cant remember that much after 2 weeks...
that day my finger's bandaged up like a sausage =(
very aesthetically unpleasing...
n then so suey just before the tutorial my eye started swelling n becoming redder by the minute
arr....so sad rite!
but i remember 1 thing though...
when i walked into the classroom he looked up n sneezed >.<"
n then he looked so miserable...like how i felt when i kept sneezing non stop
he was sick i think...poor him *sayangs head* LOL
but right after i sat down at my seat i just kept my head down most of the times...
my eye's hideous! it's red n swollen n scaryyy....
even though i would very much like to not waste time n see as much of him as i can
cuz i only get to see him only 1 hour in every 168hours week =(
i just couldnt let him see me with that...
so i kept my head down...
n when he made us laugh or wat...
sob...so sad the feeling...
i wanna look at him n laugh together with everyone...
but i just cant...
he must be thinking y m i so mean? =/
u know wat...
everytime when i want him to notice me he didnt
yet on that day i just wanna be invisible
he just didnt wanna ignore me like he did like the other times =.=
when he was to choose the 1st person to perform the dialouge...
the 1st person he chose was me...without a doubt
just...walked straight in front of me to hand me the paper without looking around thinking who to ask =.=
i was thinking 'no...oh no u dont...dont walk here...choose other ppl...shooo....nuuu~~'
my head was looking down somemore...trying to ignore him when he was walking towards me
but that clearly didnt work =.=
i remembered that day he called me out pretty often somemore...
i kept trying to avoid his glance...but eeshh...
my hideous eye...seen by everyone now...especially him =(
how would he think of me now? sobb...
dont know how many times have i embarrassed myself ady...
i really couldnt think of one class with him that's peaceful n nothing funny happened
eesh....
n i dont get to see him much ady =(
3 more classes left...
sigh...
i'll miss his class...
its....6:32 now
1 more hour...what to do ler?
T.T
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Dear bloggie...
im supposed to be in bed now....
whole day tomorrow starting from 9...
oh well...dont think i can sleep anyway
today...finally my finger is reborned!!
*what a weird word to use...=S*
lolx...at last the bandage for my finger is off....
i felt so....free~!!
for the past 2 weeks my poor finger's in that bandage...
n during that time my left hand felt so useless =.=
i cant do much with it...
plus im having real difficulties taking bath...
have to avoid water on it see... =X
really felt like...arrghh....very useless without that finger
but then...finally when i resumed full use of my finger today
i forgot how to use it =.="
zhar dou...
i've been quite used to it that i kinda forgot my past routines lolx...
well...training bach now...must be patient
although...i still feel wary of using it...
psychological problem? >.<"
about my finger...
i went to see the doctor again today =)
not that im happy to pay $50 for the nurse to undress my bandage...
n then for him to touch my finger for a few secs n that's it =.="
i was so happy to see my finger!
havent seen it for quite a while already LOL
my skin healed quite fast...was surprised to see no scar i think =D
but the sensation on my finger felt different...
i dunno...i suppose it's healed pretty much now
but when he kept touching my finger asking how does it feel
i was like 'errr.......'
no splinter pain! =D maybe i expect to feel pain...
cuz that day when it happened n i saw so many splinters inside
i was really worried that i wont ever get it out >.<"
the future for my finger looked so bleak...
n during the surgery it felt like...i'm going to have to do this for a long long time
that it wouldnt heal so fast...
then when i saw my poor finger today...not much pain
i was...happy!!!!
i was so grateful to the doctor then...
couldnt stop smiling =D
well...albeit the pain n suffer i had to go through
he did manage to extract most of it...plus he left no scar on my finger
not to mention that he's a nice n sweet person =P
ok im gonna stop now...or else u all r gonna start again =/
im just glad that my finger's healed now see...
the whole day i was playing with my finger...
not so much playing with...
more like...err...wanna confirm that there's really no more splinters inside
well...there were times when i felt sharp pain inside
i was really afraid that there are some leftovers inside
turns out that im not wrong =(
there was still some on my wound >.<"
i wonder why...
prolly it was too deep inside that day...n it didnt show
maybe it's been trying to...er...float out the past week LOL
i spent 20 mins plucking 1 out!!!
when i finally got it...yesss!!!
quite err...syok actually =P
u know that kind of feeling when u finally accomplished something?
the sense of achievement that i managed to heal the pain in my finger?
anyway...that's that i think...
quite sure there's no more inside...i hope? >.<"
just that my finger looks very thin...malnutrition i guess? lol
n swollen at the bottom...that anaesthetic shot still hurts!
its been bruising for 2 weeks already =(
but...im glad its over =)
the doc was like
'dont come back n see me again ah...'
'dont go n cut ur finger on 1 of those things again ok...'
'good luck'
lolx....wat larhhh...
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Dear bloggie,
the past 2 days were....hell...
its like i've been to hell n back again
i've experienced pain like never before...
ok...yesterday...i went to the specialist
i was hoping that he would know what to do...
unlike the 1st MO i got...totally clueless...
n i reckon it's because of the wrong way she treated me that i had to go for surgery
well...she literally crushed the fibres inside my finger my handling roughly
n simply pulling it n crushing it... =.=
so i went to see the hand specialist...
who suggested that we use magnifying glass to see properly...
finally~~!!! a doctor that at least knows what he's dealing with...
he had this magnifying glasses that he wears...to inspect the wound
n he used mainly a needle to extract those things out...
so he said
'i wont give u anaesthetic shot...no use lah...u cannot feel the pain...i cannot see where oso...'
i agreeeee....unlike the 1st doc...gimme shot ady dono wat to do *tsk tsk*
although i dint know how much pain i was putting myself in
but that's inevitable rite..
he needed me to tell where the pain is so he can find...
so off we went...
him poking my finger with a needle...until i screamed....
then he looked for it in that area...
it worked u know...although dam pain >.<"
i can tell exactly where the spot is...even how tiny the fibres are...
*poke poke* 'here?'
'nothing there'
*poke poke* 'here...?'
'errr...move left abit...nono down...yes yes...there abit...AHHHH~!!!!'
we were amazed...no matter how small the fibre is...
although he cant see...i can tell exactly where it was @@"
he managed to extract alot...
1 hour past n we were still at it...
god...the pain...i had to endure it for an hour...
imagine ppl poking with a needle...
that hurt enough already...
what more with a splinter inside...that sharp unbearable pain
the nurses were all like...@@" never see this kind of case before...
after an hour my finger was bleeding already...
he really couldnt see anything anymore...
his eyes also spinning ady =.=
but i still felt some inside...
so he said
'i think this is not effective enough...we need to do a surgery'
'......'
'cant see anything anymore...i need the microscope from the operation theatre...then we can see better...'
'......'
as much as i didnt want to...i had to take the damn splinters out...
so...i had to go for surgery...today
i woke up early in the morning to register...
$1k for the surgery!!! @@"
although the doc was quite good lah...
he kept making sure that the uni was paying for everything...
i dont like to go for surgeries alone u see...
after the 1st time i been through it alone...quite depressing =(
but this time...my friends surprised me!!!! =.=
told them not to come ady...
but they were so sweet~ thanx alot =)
anyway...i was having a problem before i went in the operation theatre
im under 21...need consent...
i was thinking bout it too...how come nobody asked me bout it...
right before i went in only they ask me to find...
so last min...how to find jek~! my uncle somemore flying....
wanted to ask my friend to sign...but think like cannot
but they let me in anyway...n see how
my doc very funny lolx...
i was at the OT reception waiting...all done up nicely...
then the nurses all very kancheong...'faster page dr....say we're ready'
'page dr...page him quick'
then he walked here casually...already dressed up...
'im already inside the OT...keep paging me for wat'
LOL
then he came to me n said...'no guardian to sign for u ah?'
'en... >.<"'
'ok lah i be ur uncle...sign for u...'
@@" (including the nurses)
'u dont mind rite? u also want those things removed hor? after we worked so hard yesterday...'
*nods nods*
lol...so nice of him
so i went in...i thought it would be like the day before...
but it was a full fledged surgery...
where i had to strap into the bed n lie there...with safety monitors etc...
then there's this thing where they cover my head n all that so i couldnt see...
@@" that time i had stomach pain...very pain in fact
i was thinking...oh god...not this time...i cannot deal with 2 pains at once >.<"
well....i had to go through it...
they had this huge microscope thingy focused on my finger like those on tv
where 2 ppl c...
well...he asked me whether i need anaesthetic anot...
i...really wanted not to feel the pain...but i need to tell him where r those damn things
so i said...its ok i can take it >.<
'brave girl...'
dono im brave or dumb now... T.T
if i thought that the pain i felt the day before was excrutiating enough...
boy was i in for a real torture...=/
the procedure was about the same...
just that time time i couldnt see...n i was strapped to the bed...
so he started picking n asking me where is the pain...
this time it hurt alot more...
i think the fibres left inside were super tiny...microscopic
he called this his 1st surgery removing microscopic foreign bodies...@@"
im his 1st case...though i think he did quite a good job...
this time i screamed in agony for almost the whole time
those damn things were sooo small they could hardly make it out through the microscope
need 2 ppl to observe n find somemore...
n some of them sooo deep
that the doc had to peel off the outer layer of my skin
n cut deep inside to dig it out...!!!
i think they were fascinated seeing it for the 1st time u know
could here them say...
'omg....so small...no colour somemore...how to see???'
'i saw 1 i saw 1!!!! so tiny even in the microscope!!'
after half an hour in agony n squirming in the bed
my cap was falling off...hair all over me...n sweating ady...
god...the pain....
i think some nurses couldnt bear seeing me in so much pain
they asked again whether i need anaesthetic anot...
if it's unbearable...
it is... >.<" but i still can!!!!!!!
'brave girl...she's a brave girl rite?'
heheh.....make me kembang =P
although i dono they said it just to make me feel better
or they really meant it? 0.o
after 1 hour of digging around in my skin...
i think most of it came out...just some super tiny 1 that really dono how to take out
god i can feel u know when those things were taken out
it's like a sharp needle lifted off my finger...
although i was determined to take everything out
he was like...'i think that's enough for today...u've been through enough torture...'
god yes....
being 100% concious in the surgery...aware of everything happening
the worse part is to feel the pain...every second of it
tormenting....really
i felt like i was in some war camp...where they caught me as a spy
then tortured me for information =/
after that i really felt like i overworked my body ady...especially my nerves n brain =.=
finally....it was all over...
i am so...glad
just wanted to lie down n sleep n rest then....
came out looking like some soh poh...=.=
hair dam messed up...sweaty...looking like i had the fright of my life...
at least it was over...
really really want to thank my doctor so so much....
if it weren't for him i think i would be still hurting from those splinters...
n he's a nice doctor! really nice...... =)
a very good n patient doctor as well...
really glad i got him...
alright...that's the story...
quite long hor? >.<"
but i wanna record down so i can read next time...
actually i shouldnt be using my finger now...
somemore typing alot =/
notti me....
but i'm relieved.....finally...
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Bloggie...
I missed last thursday's post...
that's cuz my hand was still hurting...
and is still...but i feel like blogging this out now...
u see...last tuesday something terrible happened...
*wince >.<"* i do not wish to recall it...
but...oh well
that night i had a meeting...n we were setting up banners n stuffs for an event the next day
so i was fixing this plastic rod thingy to hang the banner
n the end of it was chipped off...
i over exert the strength n it grazed across my finger...
it didnt hurt....i just screamed n ran to the toilet
when i closely examined...
i realized there was a trail of splinters.....
very very fine....transparent...n LOTS of it
1 whole row of splinters on my finger...
n i started panicking...
as with most splinters...it didnt hurt as much if i left it alone
but when i touched it...oh god...the pain
to cut the long story short...
i went to the hospital...cuz there was no way to take out 30+ minuscule splinters by myself
what more that i couldnt see some that were buried deep within my finger
i had to pay $80 for A&E!!! 80 bucks....geeezz...
i was there at around 830pm...
waited around 1 hour before i was attended to...
needless to say...the doctor couldnt see them...
but kept touching it...i kept yelping of cuz =.=
so she sent me off the do an xray of my fingers...
doubt that would work then...cuz it was super tiny
well...it didnt...but around 11+ pm i was sent to the public ward...
where lots of other patients were lying down in agony? =.=
well.....that was where i....oh god...
she said she would give me an injection from the bottom of my finger upwards...
n try to push the splinters out...... ?????
that time i was too tired of waiting n tired of those darn things stuck in my finger
that i just didnt give a damn...
she started using tweezers to pluck those splinters out...
ouch....not gentle at all =/
i was really in pain that time...then she had no choice but to give me that injection
so i asked....
'does it hurt?'
'yes...it hurts alot...but just bear with it...'
!!!!!!
seriously...it hurt like hell!!!
the needle was wayy thicker than normal needles
n she poked at the bottom of my index finger...at my palm
n push in upwards n inwards towards my finger.....
around 4cm of needle deep inside my finger...
like....just next to my bone?
urgh...n when she pushed the liquid in...
oh god...the 1st time i felt such sensation...
i can actually feel the liquid flowing out of the needle into my tissue
like...i really dono how to explain
its like...inside my finger i feel liquid filling up every area inside...
oh gosh...
1 time was bad enough....she took it out i was quite relieved
then she injected again....!!!
this time the other side...
i was....screaming in pain...ok not screaming...but making noise?
2 anaesthetic shots...into my finger....
that was...the most...painful....injection...ever...
n after that my finger swelled up like a balloon see...
she left me for a while for my finger to turn numb
n when she returned...she just touched abit....feeling the splinters inside
n cut abit of my skin out to take out...
then she said
'i think i'll just have to leave it alone to heal...'
!!!!!!
wth~! gave me 2 anaesthetic shots n just never do anything....
i can still FEEL those things inside ok...
i would rather i get everything done that night
since i was already in pain...might as well feel the rest of the pain while im at it
sigh...after that i got another injection...tetanus shot
on the same arm...
my arm felt totally...paralyzed that night =.=
sigh....got painkiller...n she bandaged my arm
right now its still bandaged...
but i doubt it's healing though...
cuz i can still feel the pain now n then
i really dont think splinters will just come out like that
from past experiences...it will just go in deeper....
oh god...
by the time i was done it was almost 1am in the morning =.=
n i had to walk back alone from the hospital to my place...
no bus see...n it's quite wasting to take taxi...
not that far...just that...dangerous?
but by that time i really dont give a damn anymore...sigh
tmr...i need to go back to the specialist...
either tmr or weds...i also dono when...
the fella who called me abit blur...
but if it's tmr...
i am....scared T.T
part of me wants it to be done quickly...
get it over with...
no matter what also get those darn things out...
but i really wonder how r they gona take it out
it's....transparent...n it's so fine u really gotta focus ur eye properly to see it
otherwise it just escapes from ur vision...
but i dont want to get another anaesthetic shot...
no....it hurts alot alot...
n my previous one hadnt even healed yet...
what with the blood clot underneath...still bruising
but i cant just live with this forever can i?
i still need to...go through it...
u know what i was thinking that night in the hospital alone...
when she gave me 2 shots which i have no one to hold on to
it felt like that day when i went for operation alone
facing the pain alone...with no one to turn to
i didnt feel as sad this time...
just....funny...?
i dont know...it would be nice if there are ppl who really cared...
whom i can cry to when i really feel pain
but some ppl just dont understand
they can just....be so insensitive n just joke about my finger and my pain
im really sorry for saying this...but just f*** off ok....
if u dont understand the pain i gone through...just shut up
just be in my shoes n u will understand how it feels
n then just have someone joke in ur face n see how that makes u feel
i dont get how some ppl r like that
just because u cannot see the injury....that it doesnt register to u as serious
u can just.....make fun of it...
if only u knew....
i wouldnt be so bad as to hope u get it some day then u'll understand
but i just hope u realize some day...
u know how it feels? to be going through operation alone
that was years ago then...
to feel the pain n then ppl think that its a joke that i injured myself
its a joke that i have to endure 3 injections a day...
to have ppl just slicing my skin n pulling it out
that its a joke that i have to go to a surgery clinic tmr...
yeah....just piss off n leave me alone if u wanna make fun of me ok
sorry i didnt mean to direct this to anyone...
especially when i keep using the word 'u'
but i just wanna let it out...
Monday, March 10, 2008
dear bloggie...
i seem to be reverting back to my old self again
where...
tears flood my eyes every night
sigh...
i get this feeling again...
that feeling that i dont like...
maybe my life is fated to be this way
i cant escape from it?
im fine......
its just that i need time to get use to it
its gonna be hard
but if i m still here now
means i didnt do that badly last time did i?
im just...sad
Sunday, March 09, 2008
Hello,
I was supposed to post this yesterday night...
when my hands are itching to type the emotions gushing out of me?
*sounds funny...sweat*
but blogger was down...so...had to postpone til now
therefore the post was based on last night yah~
yesterday, i had my programming mid-term exam...
the thing was...during recess week i paid more attention to statistics...
which resulted in me only started studying for programming like...the night before?
n that also not really study...watching animes most of the time =.="
sigh...cuz i had the feeling that...
with programming it's not about studying last minute u see...
although it's open book we need to like...understand?
so...i braved myself to the battlefield...
where i...fared miserably...~.~
very hard....!!! T.T
the question really wants us to think....
there were questions where i spent 30 mins thinking...
in the end when the solution suddenly popped up, it only took up 3 lines of code?
argh...dont want think bout it ady...
right after that...i was rushing my programming lab assignment
i have this every week see...
it was out the week before...n due like...today!
n i only started like...yesterday? =/
cannot say i lazy larh! =(
im more like....afraid to face it >.<"
everytime i open the website n read the assignment
i get panic attacks...like so
'oh god...why does this sound so difficult? how to do?!?! how?!?!?! i dono anything!!!!! T.T'
so i will just leave it aside first...until last min
that was why last night i didnt go out with my friends! T.T
n i was rushing the lab from at night til 5am in the morning =.=
n this morning i woke up at 7am n am awake since then...
n oh...anime! i started watching back Ragnarok the Animation recently... =D
i watched before a few years back...
it's bout the only anime that i liked...
i dont like other animes i dono why =/
maybe i can relate to RO that's y?
when i first started watching back few weeks back...
it feels so....nostalgic!!!!
seeing the cute jobs and those monsters and how they form parties to fight...
really brings back lots of memories...makes me wanna play again! =(
last night i finished the whole series...
n i started crying from the last episode...
which lasted the whole night...even in bed =/
i cried like how i cried for L >.<"
very sad larh the last part........!!!
so sad.....iruga died!! T.T
he was so cool n yeng!!!!
i knew how it was gonna end...but that still made me sad...
he died...sacrified himself to help his best friend...
why? cant believe he was gone...just like that
leaving judia behind...her name as his last word T.T
sob.... T.T
gosh...i got soft spots for cute guys who sacrificed themselves =/
i will miss iruga =(
this makes me wanna play back ro...although...i dont fancy playing the current version
i wanna go back to long long time ago when i first played...
when most things are innocent n no bots or politics or fights or issues etc...
just pure...fun =D
travel with party...fight monsters together...die together...train everyday...
lolx...
watching the anime felt just like that =)
sigh...
anyway...y m i still awake?
because today i have to stay up from 8am to 8pm to take temperatures
at every 2 hour interval! =(
for my singapore studies project...
dumb....very the dumb...........
such hassle....eesshhh...
i dont care ady...simply do only
my head is splitting open right now
not enough sleep 1 thing....
programming another thing....cracked my head beyond its limits
think until my brain cells die alot ady....=/
sigh....
what to do now lerh?
Thursday, March 06, 2008
Dear bloggie...
seems like every thursday i will update =/
hehe ^_^
well...i wanna keep it somewhere so i can read back mar...
today is...heheh...the day i see him again =)
funny u know...i was just telling my friend yesterday
'i dont like him ady larh...'
'eh? why not?'
'dont like ady...wanna change target jor...'
'u sure anot? i tot u crazy about him 1'
'nolah no more ady...very sure...'
=.="
but by the time i walked into the classroom seeing him there
my heart skipped a beat...
as much as i tried telling myself that i dont like him anymore
my heart just skipped faster everytime he came near me
n unconciously smiled whenever he smiled =/
there's a routine ya know...
thursday it'll start...n will last for a few days...
then around monday the next week it'll start to fade...
then by wednesday im convinced that i dont like him anymore
but come thursday....gosh... i cant resist
*sounds bit wrong >.<"*
i shall start about this morning...my 1st mid term!
ahh...dont like...so-so...dont care anymore
then soo happy my SS lecture cancelled...get to come back n sleep!
4pm i went for japanese lecture...
as usual....very cranky mood due to insufficient sleep
but today's lecture was funny! =D
we were learning about this adjective - すてき...meaning nice, wonderful....
then my lecturer was like...this is a very important word in ur life...
u must must remember this word....cuz it will help u find The One...
it can be a very useful opening phrase leading to other things...
then we were like =.="
why everytime also say about finding a life partner 1......
then she said...
maybe one day u suddenly see this man on the street...
then u feel that he's The One...so u go up to him n say
"すみません、そのhairstyleはすてきですね!"
"ああ、ありがとうございます。"
"じゃ、昼ごはんを食べましょう。"
"ええ、いいですね！"
n then u can get to know the guy n be with him...
LOL...wat larhhhh...
if life is that innocent... =.="
i think it would be more like...
"excuse me, ur hairstyle is nice!"
"....... errr...uh huh"
"come lets go have lunch together"
"err...do i know u? i think u got the wrong person...sorry...bye"
*runs away*
lolx...
n then there was this sentence on the lecture handout that says
he is handsome.
in my heart i was like...yes yes!!!!!
almost uttered out "はい、いいです。"
lucky i didnt make a fool of myself...
the whole lecture theater was like...
"errr...."
"uhhh....."
"yes?"
then she said..."nooo???? u dont think he is handsome?? i can hear the hesitation in ur voices"
=.="
nahh...i would like to think more like...
the girls r shy.....=D
heh...then when the lecture ended i was soo excited to go to tutorial...
finally...i get to see him after so long =/
actually nothing much happened...
just the usual...
him being cute n funny n all that... =P
im sure i already mentioned that dono how many times in the previous posts
I almost made a fool of myself AGAIN!
couldnt control my laughter...AGAIN
i dont know why i feel gigglish in front of him
every action he does can make me laugh
then i was trying to surpress a laugh...
n some funny gargle sound came out
he was beside me
oh god.....
sigh....normal ady =.=" keep embarrassing myself nia =(
anyway...today he's super cute again!
he arh...very funny 1...
i say 1st...i like to watch ppl arh...dont call me stalker
its in my nature to be...observant? =/
the whole hour i dont see him like...in a bad mood or wat b4
he always puts his whole attention on us
n when he rests or erm...stone rite
he will still have that cute boyish smile on his face! XD
well today he was showing us the conversation
n he acted as a small boy! omg! so cute~!
可愛いですね!!!!!
n oh....
i always stare at him... >.<"
ehh not that i can NOT stare at him rite...
everyone's supposed to be paying attention at him!
so...nothing wrong wat?
but then i dono...
i always stare at him when he's talking or doing stuffs
so that i can enjoy silently from the side?
but then sometimes he caught me staring at him
n that second when our eyes met...
god...i think my heart melted
its different how he stared back...
the cute boyish glint from his eyes all gone...
replaced by a kind of...serious...kind...understanding...mature look?
like in that split second he stared into my heart n shared my feelings... >.<"
OK i know im being abit...weird here
maybe i should just go write a romance novel or something LOL
i am just entertaining myself here ok!
so every thursday when u read the sequel to this him...
just treat it as a story...
haha...my life is boring!
so cant a girl entertain herself by dreaming?
oh...but those events are real!
just that...maybe i added some stuff to spice it up =P
heheh....till next week then ^_^
Tuesday, March 04, 2008
hello...
just felt like blogging...although i dont have anything to blog about
behold...the emoness looms above me again
i guess...i dont know
im not supposed to feel lonely
supposed to keep myself busy
by studying for my mid term tests
yet this few days i couldnt concentrate
i was doing quite a good job i guess? up til now...
i dont want to be emo n complain n whine bout stuffs
but this is the only place i can do so
so if u have any opinions on this just go away n stop reading ok?
i am not giving anyone any trouble...nobody's asking u to read
ok i dont know y m i getting so uptight >.<"
i guess im just tired...
another thing im tired...i dont wanna try anymore
maybe i think too much too
its tiring to keep guessing how other ppl r feeling
n to try to pretend n act around that
i just dont wanna give a damn anymore
can i just be me?
i doubt anyone would wanna come near me after that
sigh...
i dont know...really sick n tired of everything
i dont know why i mind so much too
but doesnt anyone think of me?
i guess not...
ppl prolly see me as....wat they see
but if anyone is observant enough...the difference is there
right in front of their eyes...very obvious
so is it any wonder why im feeling this way?
whenever it's that way...i'm always feeling that way
i know no one is to blame
but...
i just cant pretend that im happy anymore
really dont want to...i just dont wanna give a damn u know?
anyway...
i'm watching RO anime again! wee~
miss watching that..the only anime that i ever liked
sigh...the good ol' times
brings back memories lolx...
at least i can relate to the anime =)
n oh...today i flirted with a guy!
ok not really flirt....
well...it's been a while since i've been in love or even liked anyone
like a long long time ago...
normally if i see any lengchai i will look...
but if that guy notices me staring at him i would immediately look away
dont have the courage u see...
but today...i saw this cute tall guy...somewhat my type? the cool n yeng type lol
i looked abit but didnt really took notice
the next time i looked he was staring at me...Oo"
n then i did the unthinkable...well for me at least
i stared back! n maintained that eye contact while talking to my friends lol
n then we just looked at each other for like a while...
it continued on for quite some time...
until he finally passed my table n i looked down =/
but i could still see him staring from the corner of my eye though
not i bhb larh! its just that it's been a long while since anyone looked at me
im quite convinced that im unattractive see...
so its fun to enjoy the attention! =D
n to stare back =P
it's not that im lonely n that i need someone...
it isnt that way...though part of me thinks it is
the loneliness is...general....
i just...
i feel like im back at the time long ago
where i felt...unwanted
argh...i better stop here before i continue crapping any further
Saturday, March 01, 2008
Bloggie.......
I spent the whole recess week in Singapore...
oh well...stuck with my decision of not going back to M'sia in the end =/
although i was still in dilemma at the last min...
n then my mom called me to ask on saturday night...
think my bro spilled the beans that i was unhappy that nobody wanted me back home
ah well...im stubborn u see...
at least i stay here i can study for my tests...
plus i dont like travelling...
especially 5 hours on the bus...very nauseating >.<"
this recess week...i didnt study much =/
im me! but at least i tried abit... very good progress ady!!!
can't believe im turning into a mugger =X
mug = study... it's like a culture here u see....
dont mug = exams die... LOL
the whole week we only went to Sentosa...
quite fun... especially when i was being a matchmaker...LOL
the main characters of the trip was this 'couple' ahem...
the whole time we were trying to make them do things...
EH! we're helping u guys progress ok!
i guess i'll just post pics? heh.... 
i miss the water!! i look abit funny =/ she was asking me to pose but i dono how to pose mar >.<" so i did the 'dono how to pose' look lor...
Weeee....i look funny again!!
they even more funny =D thanks to my superb photography skills =P lolx..
the people we were trying to matchmake...looks from the pic they dont need any help do they? =P
all of us...