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why....when i think that every birthday is the worst it can possibly get...
the following one will be even worse?
why must it be this way?
m i that bad that evil that...i really shouldn't be in this world?
i really do not mind if nobody remembers or nobody cares or celebrate with me
im totally fine with that...i was without it for 19 years already
but why must people scold me?
it's bad enough that i hate myself
that i hate my birthday cuz i shouldnt even be born into this world
why must people make me feel even worse about myself?
scolding me because im feeling sad?
never even trying to understand how i feel?
i dont care wat bullshit ppl say bout appreciating ur birthdays
or it's good enough that ur parents didnt starve u to death
or at least u're still here
if u've never celebrated ur birthday for years
n the people closest to u dont even remember ur birthday
n people scold u because it's ur birthday
n hearing that they regret u were born into this world
then only u have the right to talk to me that way
otherwise just fuck off
i was reading my previous posts
i tried...i really tried to be happy
at the beginning i was always happy
i tried to stay optimistic
but somehow at the end of the day
i just couldnt pretend anymore
somehow...all the posts seem to indicate the same thing
it wont change will it?
i'm always alone
never otherwise
im beginning to hate the day
i really wish january 23 will not come
that this day will just disappear
i thought maybe it would change this year
but i guess it's still the same
somehow it's even worse
n it's just the beginning
maybe i should just disappear for the whole day
oh well...
twenty finally
i should grow up
can i disown my birthday?
from now on just...forget bout this day kay?
=)
Thursday, January 01, 2009
hiya!
how fast time passes >.<
still...wish all of u a wonderful year ahead
n may 2009 be a.....magical year 0.o
rightt...i doubt any of u reads my blog now haha
i'm just hoping 2009 will be a more exciting year...
if all goes well, i'm looking forward to have a blast xP
this year...i dont feel like going to countdowns lol
crowds r really not my thing >.<
n it's tiring to travel so far.......
n i always go for the fireworks only...
ahh well...not like i havent seen them before
i'm happy enough to stay home n listen to the fireworks lol
so...my new year resolutions!
uhh...i know i never really fulfilled all my resolutions the previous years but
i will try! >.<
right...
1. Exercise more. Without taekwondo i've been outta shape lately >.< (although 1st, i need to get a pair of socks LOL)
2. Fix my biological clock, as in...sleep earlier and wake up earlier. With classes in the mornings for most days, i cannot afford to sleep so late anymore.
3. Shake off the laziness, i cant keep skipping lectures!!! Must be a good girl n attend classes.
4. Be more thick skin n less self concious. Most of the things i dont dare to do because i'm shy. =S
5. Be less sensitive n not let my mind wander off so much.
6. Eat proper meals everyday. Cannot skip meals on the account of laziness. =S
kay...i guess that's it
i will try hard =]
ohh...1 more thing
someone else's resolution, so that person wont forget *tsk*
just borrowing space =P so the following is that person's writing =]
1. Be nicer to others around me, and try to control my temper.
2. Get rid of excess fat by exercising regularly.
3. Attend my classes and stop sms-ing during lectures. *shakes head*
4. Take care of my dietary habits and cut back on sweet foods/ drinks
lol......dont forget to keep up to it too ya =P