M E M O I R S ~

final year

2010-11-10T16:49:00.003+08:00

hello,
hmm....
lols kinda lost for words >.<"

anyways...time passes so fast~

im in my final year now....

n my final exams for my first semester coming soon...

and as usual...i haven't started studying so

um...lol?

i really wanted to blog about my life

im just...uninspired i guess =x

really nothing much happening in my life now

i was addicted to online gaming i admit

but i soon realized that it's doing me more harm than good

(at long last?)

but then without that...

there's really nothing else going on in my life now except studies which is...really...boring...really :(

gah...i better get back to studying and blog again when i feel more like it

2010-11-02T16:53:00.000+08:00

it's just you and me again bloggie

just you and me...

blergh

2010-05-26T20:57:00.002+08:00

urgh...been having quite a bad case of diarrhoea these few days
started with my mom's not cooked fried chicken :S
which resulted in my bro my dad n me having diarrhoea
n since i had the most...naturally i was the worst >.<

gahh...couldn't get out of bed the whole day
oh...n to top it up i had flu, fever, headache n cough
n my stomach was making lotsa noises :S
sigh...this sucks
oh...my dad bought super oily fried kuey teow for me for lunch =.="
n i was only feeling well enough to get out of bed occasionally
only to get giddy if i stand up long enough
n my mom was asking me to go to the night market
i was like...i dont think i'm well enough for that
n she said...'see lar! never exercise!! never exercise that's y sick'
...
wdf
'crazy ah food poisoning you ask me to exercise'
she responded by laughing at her own words =.=

oh and i could play aika online here at home! weee~
that's one part i havent explained
see...during those dark bleak times...
i turned to the only thing that could make me forget about him
being addicted to online game =x
i know it's not a wise move
but...at least playing it makes me stop thinking about him all day
when i came back i could hardly login...let alone play
once i login i would just be the only one moving there
chat not responding, guild list not loading, nobody moving...
even my pran doesn't want to follow me D:

and yesterday i just tried logging in since i saw my facebook was loading quite fast
to my surprise...i could play! :D
almost like normal...albeit with abit lag here and there
but i could heal well enough....
being itchy hand...n being away from aika for weeks
i missed my cleric...and healing ppl in zant hell lol
naturally i went with a random party...
i was complaining to my friend the whole time via whisper
really can vomit blood >.<
but oh well...i was happy enough to get to play! :D
could play again this afternoon but later it got abit lag
so...imma try again later at night when it's less lag :D

i've been sooo bored at home
sleeping the whole day...really
i wonder how come i still feel sleepy after sleeping like....14 hours a day x.x
can't wait to go shopping tomorrow!
and visit the hair salon! :D
i needs a new haircut
i are bored of my hair
lol
see what the boredom is doing to me
x)

tag

2010-05-25T22:45:00.004+08:00

bored...and pissed
and trying to get rid of my alternate craving for ben&jerry's and hot soup wdf
so uh...dont mind me x)

p/s: don't know why im quite obsessed with saying wdf nowadays...lols

WHAT WAS YOUR:
1. Last beverage: sky juice
2. Last phone call: sis
3. Last text message: one of the twins
4. Last song you listened to: emo jay song lol
5. Last time you cried: eeto...cause of that certain someone which...i dont want to recall

HAVE YOU EVER:
7. Been cheated on: yesss.....twice...it sucks
8. Kissed someone & regretted it: don't think so
9. Lost someone special: yes
10. Been depressed: the past 5 months
11. Been drunk and threw up: nope...i've been trying to get myself drunk tho

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLOURS:
12. purple
13. blue
14. pink

THIS YEAR HAVE YOU: (2010)
15. Made a new friend: yup
16. Fallen out of love: trying......
17. Laughed until you cried: when was the last time i truly laughed?
18. Met someone who changed you: well...i didn't meet anybody much this year...in fact...i disappeared from the world for the past...5 months lols
19. Found out who your true friends were: guess so...after that happened
20. Found out someone was talking about you: uh huh

21. Kissed anyone on your friend's list: ...
22. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life: don't know...many i guess
23. How many kids do you want to have: uh
24. Do you have any pets: nop...me wants a cute pommy or scottie tho :(
25. Do you want to change your name: idk :S
26. What did you do for your last birthday: LOL what a joke
27. What time did you wake up today: was in bed the whole day :S dont remember lol
28. What were you doing at midnight last night: trying not to puke all over my bed
29. Name something you CANNOT wait for: eehhhh....ice cream! :(
30. Last time you saw your Mother: just?

31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: not to be so effing stupid anymore
32. What are you listening to right now: nothing
33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: yes
34. What's getting on your nerves right now: lol...loads...unwise to list it here
35. Most visited webpage: email?
36. Whats your real name: there on my profile
37. Nicknames: not much
38. Relationship Status: single
39. Zodiac sign: aquarius
40. Male or female?: female
41. Elementary?: 3 different chinese schools
42. Middle School?: mgs
43. High school/college?: taylor's
44. Hair colour: brownish red...but i would say it's black now =.= can't really see
45. Long or short: long
46. Height: tall
47. Do you have a crush on someone?: nah-ah
48: What do you like about yourself?: oh...still alive after all those things
49. Piercings: 2 on each ear
50. Tattoos: don't like
51. Righty or lefty: right

FIRSTS :
52. First surgery: rather not talk about it thx
53. First piercing: ehh...very young...remember crying alot lol
54. First best friend: dont't remember her name
78. Lost glasses/contacts: lost my contacts inside my eye before LOL

83. Turned someone down: sigh...yes
84. Cried when someone died: yes
85. Fallen for a friend?: uh huh

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
86. Yourself: guess so
87. Miracles: not anymore
88. Love at first sight: i guess not
89. Heaven: hmm...
90. Santa Claus: no
91. Kiss on the first date: blergh :S
92. Angels: i would want to x)

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
94. Had more than 1 girlfriend/boyfriend at a time: no
95. Did you sing today?: um...yah the emo jay song
96. Ever cheated on somebody?: no...i hate being cheated on myself
97. If you could go back in time what will you do?: nothing actually...
98. If you could pick a day from last year and relive it, what would it be?: sigh...many?
99. Are you afraid of falling in love?: for now....yes

hi

2010-05-22T17:17:00.002+08:00

lols...hello?
uhh...well
i kinda forgotten about this blog until someone asked me if this is my blog =X
so...i guess uh...long time no see?

hmm...many many things have happened
really alot...n i've kinda stopped blogging
but i guess...since i have no one to rant to
i might start blogging again...
might =X
although...i doubt anyone actually reads my blog
oh well...i dont care anyways...just want some place to crap
and read back when im bored lol

um...i dont think i can post everything that's happened here
but no matter...
let bygones be bygones i guess?
i shall...move on with life

i was kinda stuck in a rut since january this year...
i didnt know how i got through that....dark period
really dont want to recall >.<
n i thought i was never going to get out
depression goes in a cycle see...
once you think you're better and wham! it hits you hard again
and then you will fall deeper than before :S
so for...5 months...gawd...i was at the bottom of the well
really really deep...n the more i tried to climb up the more i slipped back down
i know i was supposed to feel better but :S
i just...cant >.<
bahh...it's the same all over again
just that this time i didnt bother to blog it
i got kinda sick reading all those emo posts :S

well...until something happened
something that...sliced my heart open
and then crushed into a million pieces...
and threw into the sea to feed the sharks
that was...the worst night of my life
but i guess i needed that...
i needed to see the truth
otherwise i would be guessing and going crazy thinking about that
all the while comforting myself that i was being too sensitive
but no...my intuition was right after all
it was always right
so yep...i needed to face it
i needed to crash and burn in order for me to stand up again
so i guess...
i'm out of the rut now

although i cant deny that i'm still feeling sad now and then
and i still do...miss
but
im grown up now...i think?
i should grow up :S
and well...i still can't really face the world yet
me disappearing and such
but
i know i'll be fine soon :)

in the meantime...
im just gonna enjoy and have fun x)

old ways

2009-12-12T08:08:00.002+08:00

dear bloggie,
how pathetic my life has become
in just a day...the healthy lifestyle that i've been living has been reverted back to the old ways
i would at least think that it would take me a while to get used to this
no food...screwed up sleeping hours...
but surprisingly im coping quite well
very well in fact...im just too...tired to do anything
dont wanna do anything...
i'll just...disappear...
nobody reads my blog anymore anyways
that's good i think :S
i dont want anyone to read
i just...need a place to rant
as usual...
sigh...

原点

2009-12-10T22:42:00.001+08:00

绕了一大圈
最终好像又回到了原点
这又何苦呢

我还真笨
早知如此何必当初

hello

2009-12-03T05:56:00.003+08:00

hello,
this post is so long due...
i've been absent from this blog for half a year now >.<
n havent really been blogging this year...
i wonder who still reads my blog lol

well...i just remembered bout this blog few days ago
n i found myself enjoying reading my previous posts really...
n its such a shame im no longer blogging as often
no matter...i shall try to blog again lolz

anyway...so many things have happened really
i'm in london now! whee~!!
altho...it's only less than a month before i leave >.<
i'm beginning to miss this place...
time passes really really fast here
i still remember when i first came here
i missed home so much...that i really wanna leave
i guess i just wasnt used to the weather n all
n i was kinda alone as well...
but over time...i've grown to love this place
it's really a nice place (:
im really gonna miss it...sigh~

lol...still cant believe im in london...
i've always dreamt of travelling overseas when i was young
especially to europe...
UK sounds like such a fascinating place
but is a far far place...unreachable >.<
but im here now :)
n enjoying it...
it's so different from home
but...i still prefer home haha...
nevertheless it's still a nice place

when i have time i'll blog more bout it
now im busy doing my work :(

2009-04-07T04:21:00.003+08:00

hello!
i'm back...lolz

seriously...i lost the...feel to blog nowadays
busy...n stuffs
i rather spend my free time doing other stuffs...
will elaborate more on this when i have time
which i doubt it =X

i really only feel like blogging when im stress
really stress...
like...i have to study for another test tomorrow
n im stuck...seriously stuck
no mood to study =(
n...oh look!! the last post was before the 1st test...
tmr's the 2nd test...
*cries*

why ya?
im so lazy...
im pissed with myself for being so lazy
but im not doing anything!
not attending lectures n tutorials is already bad enough
i stilllllll dont wanna study last minute
wth's wrong with me! T.T
argh~!
study study study....!!!

missing

2009-02-17T02:13:00.002+08:00

hello,
hmm...looks like im kinda abandoning my blog nowadays
well...that's cause...
im lazy basically i guess =X
n umm....dont really feel like pouring out here
n there isnt much thing to pour out anyways

many things have happened that i didnt blog about
but too much to update...
will take verryyy long
so i guess i shall just leave it out
but then again....to really think properly
it's just...normal
like...nothing much

for now...
just the usual i guess
study.....study........studyyy......
gosh...i can feel it coming
u know when i have to stay awake at night to study
when i really dont feel like studying
n i should be studying instead of blogging
yeap...in fact that's what i should be doing now
have this test tomorrow...30%!
god im so dead...
okay i know i keep saying im dead everytime
but really! this module aint got no finals
just...continuous assessment
n this test matters ALOT
i only started studying like...few hours ago?
damn...i keep telling myself must study harder for this but
look what happened?

recess week is coming!!
omg! so fast!!!
im just starting to warm up to the modules
n it's like...half of the semester gone already
=(
im gonna die again this semester...bahh~

twenty

2009-01-23T02:48:00.002+08:00

why....when i think that every birthday is the worst it can possibly get...
the following one will be even worse?
why must it be this way?
m i that bad that evil that...i really shouldn't be in this world?
i really do not mind if nobody remembers or nobody cares or celebrate with me
im totally fine with that...i was without it for 19 years already
but why must people scold me?
it's bad enough that i hate myself
that i hate my birthday cuz i shouldnt even be born into this world
why must people make me feel even worse about myself?
scolding me because im feeling sad?
never even trying to understand how i feel?

i dont care wat bullshit ppl say bout appreciating ur birthdays
or it's good enough that ur parents didnt starve u to death
or at least u're still here
if u've never celebrated ur birthday for years
n the people closest to u dont even remember ur birthday
n people scold u because it's ur birthday
n hearing that they regret u were born into this world
then only u have the right to talk to me that way
otherwise just fuck off

i was reading my previous posts
i tried...i really tried to be happy
at the beginning i was always happy
i tried to stay optimistic
but somehow at the end of the day
i just couldnt pretend anymore
somehow...all the posts seem to indicate the same thing
it wont change will it?
i'm always alone
never otherwise

im beginning to hate the day
i really wish january 23 will not come
that this day will just disappear
i thought maybe it would change this year
but i guess it's still the same
somehow it's even worse
n it's just the beginning
maybe i should just disappear for the whole day
oh well...
twenty finally
i should grow up
can i disown my birthday?
from now on just...forget bout this day kay?
=)

Happy New Year~!!

2009-01-01T00:32:00.000+08:00

hiya!
how fast time passes >.<
still...wish all of u a wonderful year ahead
n may 2009 be a.....magical year 0.o
rightt...i doubt any of u reads my blog now haha
i'm just hoping 2009 will be a more exciting year...
if all goes well, i'm looking forward to have a blast xP

this year...i dont feel like going to countdowns lol
crowds r really not my thing >.<
n it's tiring to travel so far.......
n i always go for the fireworks only...
ahh well...not like i havent seen them before
i'm happy enough to stay home n listen to the fireworks lol

so...my new year resolutions!
uhh...i know i never really fulfilled all my resolutions the previous years but
i will try! >.<
right...
1. Exercise more. Without taekwondo i've been outta shape lately >.< (although 1st, i need to get a pair of socks LOL)
2. Fix my biological clock, as in...sleep earlier and wake up earlier. With classes in the mornings for most days, i cannot afford to sleep so late anymore.
3. Shake off the laziness, i cant keep skipping lectures!!! Must be a good girl n attend classes.
4. Be more thick skin n less self concious. Most of the things i dont dare to do because i'm shy. =S
5. Be less sensitive n not let my mind wander off so much.
6. Eat proper meals everyday. Cannot skip meals on the account of laziness. =S

kay...i guess that's it
i will try hard =]

ohh...1 more thing
someone else's resolution, so that person wont forget *tsk*
just borrowing space =P so the following is that person's writing =]
1. Be nicer to others around me, and try to control my temper.
2. Get rid of excess fat by exercising regularly.
3. Attend my classes and stop sms-ing during lectures. *shakes head*
4. Take care of my dietary habits and cut back on sweet foods/ drinks

lol......dont forget to keep up to it too ya =P

2008 reflections

2008-12-29T13:42:00.002+08:00

dear bloggie,
it's been a while....
i've been busy really...
going on trips n meeting friends n stuffs...
barely had enough rest at home
n i'm going back next week!!!
gaahhh...i still have lots of stuff i havent done yet >.<
neways....that's not the main topic today
it's kinda like a tradition to...uhh...reflect back on the past year
so...here it is~

2008...
well...
aiyy...how do i start =S
it's just another year
nothing much happened actually...
just....the usual
boring...
kay...this is not gonna work =.="
ohhhkayyy i'll try~

well...
the beginning of the year was quite hectic actually
in school, i decided to take computer science as my minor
with no prior programming experience, i was actually quite afraid to do it
n most, if not all of my friends were like 'r u crazy???' >.<
cuz most of them done it before n their opinion were all the same: crazy hard
still...i went ahead n not surprisingly, it was hard...really hard >.<
i was trying hard to catch up n....
believe me, after the 1st semester i really did study...hard
so umm....i did fairly well...ok better than my major in fact
made me really happy =3
also made me think....
i enjoy programming more than bio
is bio what i wanna do when i graduate?
but it's too late to change >.<
i also did japanese! had loads of fun in japanese classes
i was also quite worried taking another foreign language...
n japanese classes have crazy workloads
ironically, it's the 2 subjects that i feared most that pulled my cap up =X
in the 2nd part of the year...
same old same old....
studied...albeit not as much as the 1st half
but i guess its better now that im used to it

apart from studies...
my...grandma passed away the day after my birthday >.<
sigh....i cannot emphasize enough how bad i felt for having not done anything as a granddaughter
that really made me think....
n then my bro got married =3
happy for him that he can get married at last XD
n then....
i had some medical problems
still pending actually
fine...i know im in denial
i just....dont wanna face the truth
sigh.......

ahh...i played ro2 abit during my holidays
kay...more like alot >.<
but it was really really fun
n i got to know a few friends =3
but i couldnt play anymore when i went to uni
so...that's bout the end
doubt i will play anymore though....
the game got boring without any updates n most of the ppl i know left =(

what else?
ahh...i went for holidays!!!
i was hoping that i would get to go more holidays the year before
n boy...did i travel or wat >.<
went to redang in may XD
n road trip from kl to penang n back....
n then langkawi =D
the 1st time i drank so much @@
my face was sooo red...but i wasnt really drunk lol
really had fun in those places...
although...trips r tiring really >.<

as for other stuffs...
i umm...
something happened...quite unexpectedly
n 1 thing lead to the other n umm...
yeah....
quite surprising actually
but then again
i dont know >.<
u know how m i on this kinda stuff
reading back my previous posts
i really dont wanna trust anymore
im still....
right...i shall get back to this some other time

so...yah
that's bout it
boring year eh
unlike other years, i didnt really learn much
right...should i post this?
bahhh...since i already wrote so much~

hope....2009 will be better? lol

2008-12-14T11:37:00.002+08:00

hiya
it's been a long long time since i last updated =X
been really bz lately...barely had enough rest after my exams
exams! bahh...it's over now
no point moaning over it...
bottom line is i did really badly
so...it'll be a miracle if i can keep up my grades
ohh...n i think i will know my results tmr!
so fast T.T
supposed to be few days b4 xmas but...
there's this website to apply something n they will show ur cap before applying
so kinda like...umm...let u know how bad u did beforehand =(
i dont wanna check T.T
but i know the curiousity will get the better of me tmr =X
sigh~ hope i dont do toooo badly

after the exams my cousin n bro went to singapore
the day after =X no rest see...
brought them around...nothing special
just shop n eat n chor dai di n talk crap n lotsa pool lolx...
i reckon my skills r getting better now =P
almost everynight they will go play pool haha

after they went back the next day i had to prepare for a drive trip
no time to pack! =(
the trip was....tiring~
like last year, i kinda had to lead the whole convoy of...8 cars! =(
8!! imagine....very very stressful
there were a few probs like when the convoy broke up n they were all on their own
n some cars just thought they know the roads dam bloody well cuz they have gps n just left without us to have us chasing after them to bring them back to the correct way
anyway....in the end it all turned out okay i guess
1st time drove so far to penang, n 1st time that i didnt get lost in kl! =D

n now im home....
just wanna rest...dont wanna do anything
cuz from tmr onwards i'll be out, going to genting, n langkawi after that =.="
tired nyerrr~
oh well...think i'm used to being busy
this 2 days at home's making me abit lethargic
slept too much =X

so...that's that lol
dont really have the mood to blog nowadays =P
toodles~

2008-11-17T02:55:00.002+08:00

hi
lol...it's ironic ya know
the closer i get to finals, which means the more busy i get...
the more i blog =S
i'm bored =(
prolly cuz during study week i hardly have any human contact
for the whole week i dont go out...dont meet ppl dont talk
well except when i go tapao my dinner
where the only conversation i have everyday is
'tapao ah?'
'en...this 1...this 1...n this 1.'
'2.40'
pathetic eh =/
can go crazy ya know
so i need to find some place to rant =D

sigh.......
i dont want to study ady lar =(
i want to give up can? T.T
it's only the beginning of the study week
n i'm sooo unmotivated already
cant wait for exams to be over
so i can go out play!!!!!!
but then >.<"
still need to get through with exams 1st

kay....better get back to my stats
urgh...hate stats too =(

2008-11-16T03:42:00.004+08:00

heyo
it's been a while since i last posted
well, many many things happened since the last post
also i was quite busy the past few weeks
had tests n assignments n projects due
n lately something's been bothering me too

i only had a day or 2 to rest after my tests
have to start studying for finals =S
it's in...bout a week's time =(
time passes fast huh?
only starting to study now
just hope my results r not gonna look too ugly

ah...another thing.
my lappie died.
yup...died.
n im pissed...
u see...it's my graphics card.
the defective batch that nvidia manufactured
im quite sure of it...
hp just refuses to replace it for free
cuz my lappie's out of warranty
not only me...many many ppl r experiencing the same prob too
n they want me to pay rm800 for their problem!
wth. i mean...it's defective in the 1st place
n i have to pay to get it replaced
gahh...just google it n u will find lots of forums n articles bout it
i dont know wat to do now...
money abit tight for me nowadays
i seriously do not want to pay for their problem
n it's abit dumb to pay for the same replacement
which will die again sooner or later
money dont fall outta sky u know

ah well...no time to be pissed
really have to thank my friend for lending me his laptop
saved me alot....
was rushing my project n assignment
really can die without laptop lol
i feel bad >.<" but thanks again...
really really appreciate it =)
argh! i need to get back to studying.
not in such a good mood tonight
but that's better i guess
being pissed makes me study more
wish me luckkk...
urgh....hate molecular bio =(

unmotivated

2008-11-06T02:52:00.004+08:00

dear bloggie,
u know few weeks ago after my mid-terms
i was not quite used to life without studying every night
like something's missing...
but i still remained lazy throughout
thinking that the next round of tests is still far away
in a blink of an eye...
it's this friday!! T.T
n i havent started...great huh?
that's like....yeah tomorrow actually =.="

i've been trying to study since just now
but i just cant concentrate! T.T
just 2 sentences n i'll wander off already
HOW!

n then...there's this other thing bothering me
i know i shouldnt think about it so much
but...i cant help it
it's...affecting my concentration somehow
i really...dont know >.<

sigh........if i dont study
im so gona die T.T
but i just...cant

i have to... >.<" right?
just heard this line from a song
-just go get on with ur life, stop acting like u've given up-
ganbarimasu T.T

2008-11-03T14:12:00.003+08:00

dear bloggie,
it's been a long time since i felt this way...
but i guess i shouldnt feel this way in the 1st place
i really...dont...know
i told myself long long ago that i should just shut myself out
that...i will not let anyone affect me anymore
i guess i did well...
managed to stay this way for few years
but now...it's starting again
lol...im too naive i guess
keep thinking that someday...there'll be someone
but i know the consequences
in the end it'll just leave me...in despair
at least this time i...realized it early enough
so i can stop myself in time...
before i do anything stupid
or start feeling more than i should
i'll be fine i guess
just need time
after all...im always alone aint i

2008-10-30T21:39:00.000+08:00

実は、誰もいない...

cool lecturer

2008-10-28T18:55:00.003+08:00

hiyo
prolly i should blog less bout depressing stuff

well today...i went for my lectures
which i skipped for umm...countless of times already
but i went anyway today, didnt know how come such a good girl today lol

u see for normal lectures...
it's usually 45 mins...then 10 mins break...
then another 45 mins then the class ends
but for stats...we get longer breaks!
start around 4:10....we get a break at 4:45
n then it'll last til 5:15
30 mins!! lol
after that he'll teach another 15 mins n let us off at 5:30!
haha...fun right?
but then i usually skip cuz i always fall asleep during the lectures =X

then today...
after we had our break he started at around 5:10
n after he talked abit intro for 5 mins...
suddenly someone signed in on MSN on his laptop =D
n then he got stunned n his words hung midway in the air...
we were like LOL
n he said
'actually is my wife lah, she's in UK right now'
'but i think i have to wait for a while more...cannot answer her now'
but then he was like...so anxious to speak with her...
cant wait!! but was holding it in lol
so he was trying to start again...
when his wife requested to share files
n the class erupted with laughters again
his face was like =l...with a slight upward lift at the corners of his mouth
'i think i shall wait for a while more...even though i cannot tahan'
'let u all go off after a while'
'...'
'but i think...in fact i think i let u all go off now'
we looked at the clock...5:15!! @@"
n the whole class was laughing non stop
cheered n clapped damn enthusiastically LOL

cool huh? =D

helpless

2008-10-25T16:19:00.002+08:00

dear bloggie,
i dont know what should i do now
i really dont *sigh*
the visit to hospital yesterday was...
traumatizing for me?
guess i know the procedure n all...
went to see the doctor...
then was sent off for tests
i thought it couldnt get any worse before that
but...to my horror my situation is much worse
i almost cried when i found out that it wasnt wat it seemed on the surface
managed to regain my composure
n umm...had to do more tests
but the bill was getting too high that i told the doc i need to consider
at least let me finish my finals
then i'll decide
i feel bad for spending my parent's money
it's not a small amount u know
i...really dono wat to do now ><

getting sick of hospitals

2008-10-23T19:24:00.002+08:00

dear bloggie,
i dont know how to start this...
umm...
i realize i've been going to the hospital wayy too often
i mean...2 times in a year cuz of diff reasons
1 time includes countless visits to the hospital see...
it's like becoming my usual hang out spot
spent lotsa hours there few days a week for my finger
n tomorrow i have to go again
i dont want =(
well...i was actually planning to delay seeing a doctor
but then some uhh...unforseen events eventually lead me there
sigh...
i dont know wat to think
i dont wanna go through the same procedure again
i feel very...无奈
i need a hug =(

nightmare all over again

2008-10-14T17:08:00.002+08:00

dear bloggie,
do u know how it feels when u realize ur nightmare's starting all over again?
about 3 years ago it happened to me
but the me during that time was indulged in happiness, that i didnt took notice
until when i fell out of it only the truth slammed me hard
for months the thing's been haunting me
daring me to go check up n face the truth
yet i didnt dare to as im afraid i will receive bad news
i was so afraid i was gonna die
yet i didnt care as i didnt want to live anymore
so i accepted it...

but it was all over before the new year
i was so so relieved that i didnt have to go through all that again
the operation room was icy cold
n the period when i drift from conciousness to subconciousness made me didnt wanna wake up ever again
n the pain that hit me when i woke up
i dont wanna repeat it again

this morning i was prepared to go to class
really prepared...showered, changed, wore lens, everything prepared...
then i noticed it
suddenly the world came crashing down on me again
why? what does it mean when it's recurring?
i thought it was removed...forever out of my life
never again to appear
i would never have to face it again
not so soon anyway...
but it's there...solid n concrete
i didnt know what to think
m i gonna go through the same procedure again?
or m i gonna die this time?
i will be facing it alone again...alone
with no one beside me...
i...felt so awful that i just skipped class
i thought i could just sleep again n when i wake up it'll be gone
just like a dream...
but no...im kidding myself aint i
it's still here...
what should i do?

blue

2008-10-13T21:07:00.003+08:00

dear bloggie,
after 2 weeks of stress, i feel so...aimless now =/
i mean...i suddenly can't remember what have i been doing before the mid-terms
although i dont want the dusk til dawn mugging anymore, feels like something's missing
i dont know what to do now in fact...
oh nooesss...i'm becoming a mugger aint i? =(

life is becoming so....dull?

u know few days ago i found out something...
though i thought i was long long over him
n im sure i've let go now
knowing that he has a new someone stirred something...bitter in my heart
*dont give me that look*
long over him....really
just...i dont know

anyway...im bored!
miss my nieces so much~!
see how cuteee~!! X3

tag

2008-10-12T04:57:00.006+08:00

dear bloggie,
i saw something which made me sad.
then i suddenly had the mood to do this!
stole this from mich's blog.
here goes...

Time: 4:58am
Name: Christine
Sisters: 1
Brothers: 2
Shoe size: 8 *yup i have big foot*
Height: 170cm
Where do you live: currently SG
Favorite drinks: bacardi apple? =D n umm...hot chocolate XD
Favorite breakfast: yam rice from the stall near my house *although i dont eat the yam =X*
Have you ever been on a plane: yep
Swam in the ocean: yep...lurve the ocean ^^
Fallen asleep in school: hah! that's what i did in school everyday during sec school =X
Broken someone’s heart: i guess =(
Fell off your chair: lol...when i was young i like to swing chairs n yep...fell off a couple of times =X
Sat by the phone all night waiting for someone to call: uh huh...the feeling sucks.
Saved e-mails: important ones i guess?
What is your room like: messy =S
What’s right beside you: uhh...cabinet?
What is the last thing you ate: dim sum

Ever had
Chicken pox: nop =S
Sore throat: uh huh...when i do get it it's really bad =(
Stitches: i guess? once =X
Broken nose: nah...
Do you believe in love at first sight: i...guess? although i never experienced it
Like picnics: never tried...wouldnt mind though
Who was the last person you danced with: uhh...well...my friends?
Last made you smile: gosh...cant remember. im too sad now =( friend i guess
You last yelled at: i dont think i yelled for quite a while...does typing in CAPS on msn count? if yes then the same person who made me smile =X

Today did you
Talk to someone you like: no? i dont know if i even like anyone now =.=
Kissed anyone: my...bolster? X3
Get sick: luckily...no
Talked to an ex: i guess i dont keep in touch with them
Miss someone: yes. very. in fact is the one who made me sad =(
Best feeling in the world: being with someone u love?
Do you sleep with stuffed animals: not here...my poring is at home lol
What’s under your bed: uhh...my luggage?
What time is it now: 5.15am

Randoms
Is there a person who is on your mind right now?
sigh...the person who made me sad?
Do you have any siblings?
i just answered 1 sis n 2 bros
Do you want children?
yup...babies r shooo cute!
Do you smile often?
depends actually...when im happy i guess? but i think it's not that often =X
Do you like your hand-writing?
not really...quite ugly =(
Are your toenails painted?
nah...hardly ever
Whose bed other than yours would you rather sleep in?
well...seldom sleep in other people's bed. my parents'?
What colour shirt are you wearing?
black.
What were you doing at 7:00pm yesterday?
uhh...eating dinner?
I can’t wait till…
i go to london!! =P
When did you cry last?
a while ago? =X
Are you a friendly person?
i m shy so i guess not? but if i know the person well then i guess...
Do you have any pets?
uhh...parents dont allow. although we did have a hamster for a while lol
Where is the person you have feelings for right now?
dont have feelings for anyone. although...sigh
Did the last person you held hands with mean anything to you now?
uhh...nop. it didnt mean anything to him at that time
Do you sleep with the TV on?
no tv here =S
What are you doing right now?
doing this
Have you ever crawled through a window?
i dont think so...
Can you handle the truth?
hah! i'm trying to handle the truth now
Are you closer to your mother or father?
uhh...not close to either. but now, mom i guess
Who was the last person you cried in front of?
i dont think...i ever...really cried in front of anyone.
How many people can you say you’ve really loved?
besides the usual, only one.
Do you eat healthy?
nop! hahah...skipping breakfasts n lunches n sometimes dinner...no good. dont learn.
Do you still have pictures of you & your ex?
although i would really like to have it now, unfortunately we didnt take any
Have you ever cried because of something someone said to you?
words that hurt...yes
How often do you go to church?
i dont go =X
If you’re having a bad day, who are you most likely to go to?
no one? prolly nudge michelle to rant lol
Are you loud or quiet most of the time?
quiet...although with friends i can be rather loud
Are you confident?
ahhh....depends, most of the time no.

5 things I was doing 10 years ago
gosh...that's like when i was 9???
1. going to primary school?
2. crying alot
3. hating piano lessons
4. trying to make new friends cuz i was in a new school?
5. doing lots of questions my mom forced on me =X

5 snacks I enjoy
1. chocolates!!!!! <3
2. fried seaweed
3. sweets
4. chips
5. cookies

5 of my bad habits
1. bad sleeping hours
2. skipping meals
3. too lazy
4. stubborn
5. trusting people too easily?

5 places I have lived in
lived...as in?
1. klang
2. kepong
3. singapore
that's all =S

5 jobs I’ve had
uhhhhh.....i didnt really work much
1. promoter =.=
2. events crew

that's...the end!
im still sad =(
i shall go sleep...

New Look

2008-10-12T04:03:00.000+08:00

X3
mah new skin...
i <3 it... =P
hope u like it too =)

unmotivated

2008-10-09T22:24:00.002+08:00

sigh...
one last night to study before my test tomorrow
yet...i dont feel the motivation anymore
now i'm trying hard...believe me...really trying HARD
but it just wouldnt go in!
cannot concentrate at all =(
i really wanna give up n just sleep
sigh..............

surprise!

2008-10-08T20:27:00.002+08:00

dear bloggie,
i'm sooo lucky =D
i guess from my expression the outcome of the interview is quite predictable? lol
umm...no actually im not going to edinburgh, which is my 1st choice
but at least...
well...lemme start from the beginning yea =3

i was quite nervous for the interview today...
only having slept when dawn broke this morning...
n that i kept waking up every 2 hours cuz i dreamt that i was late =X
when i got there...i talked to a few ppl who was before me
only to find out that...they annouced the result during the interview @@"
the girl before me...she came out looking quite...stunned =/
n said that they offered her a swedish university which wasnt one of her choices
so i was thinking....shit
they were asking me bout my 2nd n 3rd choice...
well...my 2nd choice was actually a swedish uni...3rd choice king's college london
then my coordinator said...'u put king's college as 3rd choice? yao mou gao chorr ah?'
*her exact words...mind u...lol*
cuz king's college was a prestigious uni with very competitive allocation
so...i swapped both...
n so i was thinking...since king's college is more competitive than edinburgh
all the more i wouldnt get it right? =(
by then i really gave up hope
n i was thinking they prolly would offer me some weird uni
or maybe i wouldnt get at all
at that point of time i just refused to think ahead...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

so i walked in...feeling quite...
i also dunno how i was feeling that time
normal...i guess?
the 1st question they asked me was
'so, how do u think u performed during the group interview?'
'uhh...well, i think i did quite badly'
'n y is that so?'
'because i wasnt prepared well enough or research enough about edinburgh'
'u're right. so, unfortunately we weren't able to offer u edinburgh'
'...oh-kayy....'
*sigh.....oh well...what i expected aint it?*
but it was only like minutes into the interview n they hampered my hopes already
how m i gonna continue =(
at that point of time i really didnt want to think bout the outcome
just taking it as it comes...
surprisingly...i was quite relaxed
albeit sad...to find that im not going to go to edinburgh afterall

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

'now, tell us about ur 2nd n 3rd choices'
so i told them about swapping the choices
n kinda explained i know it's quite hard to get king's college if i didnt put it as 1st choice
n i put the swedish uni cuz i wanted a chance at least
but then she told me to change cuz it's kinda ridiculous to put such a good uni as 3rd choice
and then...
'well, now we're deciding between u n another person. so u have a 50-50 chance of getting king's college. it's either u or him, tell us why we should choose u over him?'
*omg....i should just give up right? T.T*
so i crapped the usual stuff bout being an ambassador n promote nus n stuff
'did u ask around bout which answer we would like to hear'
'uhh...?'
'no lahh i think she just picked up the good answers from the group interview..hahah'
=X
then they asked a few more questions
n i answered quite...okay i guess?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

this time round they were quite...relaxed n fun
even made some....hard-to-believe comment bout something 0.o
i thought it's only among us students
didnt know the dean n staff jokes bout that too
my eyes were like >>> O.O
although i wanna nod 'yes yes!! LOL'
but quite inappropriate hahah...
many times i was answering then they gave comment
n they will start chatting among themselves n laughing
then i also 'errrr.....heheh'
so it was more like a...chatting session =X

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

'okay so...we're willing to support ur application to king's college london'
O.O
*OMG?! really?!*
'r u happy now?'
'oh...thanks!'
and so that was the end of it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i still couldnt believe im going to go to london...
omg! quite...unbelievable
cuz....i always think i wouldnt be able to get
it's all just a dream
n now...it's becoming reality!
well...i still dont understand why though
more ppl apply for king's college than edinburgh
1 of the most competitive uni
im sure they dont have enough places to give away
my friends all couldnt believe it though =S
how come i can get a better uni than my 1st choice
oh well.........
dont need to care so much
as long as i get to go XD
weeee~!!
still cannot imagine that at this time next year i'll be in london
OMG!
must change my mindset
i'm going! XD
ahh...but damn expensive though...

oh heck...shant worry bout that now
for now....I need to STUDY!
gosh...spent so long blogging

last chance

2008-10-08T03:44:00.005+08:00

dear bloggie,
i shouldn't be up so late
but the past few days i havent been sleeping earlier than 5am =X
for the test this coming friday, i just found out it's 40% of the total weightage
40%!!!!
i mean....it's too heavy for an assessment! T.T
only 10% difference compared to finals...
means this will really affect my final grade
goshh....i m so dead
usually i dont do well in my tests...at least i still have time to redeem myself during the finals
but not this time...
i've just started studying....!!!
*cries* T.T

btw, i have another sep interview tomorrow.
uhh...today actually
im scared. really scared >.<
considering that i screwed the last one...
i was thinking they would've scraped me off the list
it's my one last chance later...
if i screw this up too...i would definately not get
i mean...i know my chances of getting are very low now
but i have to at least fight for it =X
i dont know if i wouldnt wanna open my mouth again later =.=
but i guess i better be prepared
thing bout interviews are...
i can speak well if im really prepared n confident
but for this...
i am not confident see...
i know there r so many better ppl out there...y would they choose me over them?
plus...im not prepared at all...
makes it even worse. =(
so i'll definately screw this again...sigh...
oh well...if i dont care about the outcome
i wouldnt be that nervous i guess

but i guess...i better go read up more
i really really want to go >.<
wish me luck!

true friend test

2008-10-07T20:45:00.002+08:00

influenced by michelle n siew lee =X
too bored studying so....
if u're free...just take for fun XD

How well do you know me?
http://www.truefriendtest.com/friendtest/2003502

Scoreboard:

Create your own Friend Test here

never-ending tests

2008-10-05T21:10:00.002+08:00

dear bloggie,
u know i was kinda relieved after the 2 tests on friday
finally...no more stress everynight that i wouldnt be able to finish studying in time
well...good times doesnt last long =X
i have another test this friday
which, well...as always... i skipped more than half of the lectures...
okay...more like 3 quarter of the lectures =X
n i dont understand anything...!!
what's worse is that it's genetics~!
argh....hate genetics...
so so hard to understand...so many new things to learn =(
i was actually planning to rest on friday only n start studying on saturday
cuz weekends r the only time im really free...
but then i slacked off til now =X
n i dont think i have much time left...
what with the normal classes n assignments n projects i have to do T.T
sigh...n now i dont have the mood to study
feel so sleepy the whole day...
i just yawn everytime i stare at my notes

about the tests on friday...
i screwed my japanese this time...
u know for japanese 1 i still had some confidence that i would manage to score well for the module
but not anymore for japanese 2 =(
everything's suddenly so hard now...
for jap 1 it's like...i can understand n master it if i just read the books n practice
but now....no matter how much i read it's still confusing!
well...think im giving up now
no point putting so much effort when i dont think i can score well
might as well S/U it =X
as for stats....surprisingly, the test was easy
kay...bit too easy to believe
oh nooo...that doesnt make things easier for me
it's too easy, it became tricky!
must read the question few times to ensure there's no hidden meanings or wat sort behind =X
but heck! it's over now...
have to concentrate on genetics =(
urgh...hate the pure reading

my post nowadays kinda boring...
u know quite a few ppl's been asking me
'so, does he still teach u japanese now? how come i dont see him mentioned in ur posts anymore'
sadly, he left the uni...i dont know to where
nobody knows n im not so desperate as to ask other lecturers where he went =.="
oh well...not like i reeaaalllyy liked him or what...
just thinks that he's cute =)
n now ppl r saying that i change heart so fast =X
LOL...
cuz my msn personal message is 'don't look at me this way as im afraid i will fall for u'
uhh.....well.....
just some...random...cute...guy...
nothing special =P

my life's boring!
need some entertainment~!
bahh...shall concentrate on studying now
=(

tests

2008-10-01T17:43:00.006+08:00

hello,
im in the middle of tests this week =(
very hectic.
i have 3 tests this week, 2 of which i only attended 2 out of 10 lectures.
have absolutely no clue about the module at all.
i am so dead.
plus i have a assignment due...today! n a presentation on friday.
sigh~

i had 1 test yesterday...
i did study during the recess week for the test
yet there's just too much to study!
too many freakin' enzymes til im confused...
the more i study the more i forget...
information overload =(
well...they announced the answers right after the test
not surprising, i did quite badly *sigh*
quite sad...i dont like the feeling that i do badly even though i studied for it
i mean...i learnt when i came to nus that
it doesnt mean that u will do well if u study hard
but still....=(

now 2 tests n presentation on friday...
argh....i'm just only starting to study~
hahahah....i should just give up right
dont need to waste time cuz i know i wont do well
stats! hate stats =(
n japanese! think no hope lol...

these few days im addicted to songs!
absolutely <3 jay's new album
im so gona get it when it's out...
sad that all the songs were leaked online =(
although i know it's wrong but...
i cant wait to hear the songs when it's just right in front of me
im still gona buy the album! =)
n ohh...<3 my new ringtone =P">
OST from hot shot...
the song's quite cool....
n the 1st time that ringtone rang...someone asked me for it! lol XD

kay i think im blabbing some nonsense...
cant believe today's a holiday n im not making full use of it!
havent even started studying yet.....
gahh....just like that the day's gona end soon =(
shall...go...try...studying...

alone

2008-09-27T03:51:00.002+08:00

again...
how come it's always the same...?
i'll always be the one helping n comforting others when they r down or sad
yet when im down...somehow they dont seem to care
im not asking them to return the favour
at least try to understand that i have feelings too
why is it that nobody ever cares when i cry?

messed up

2008-09-26T02:40:00.003+08:00

sigh...
hi btw...
not much posts nowadays cuz i dont feel like blogging =X
it's my...mid semester break now...
supposed to be studying...many mid terms coming up
im way behind...some modules until now i have no clue of what's going on =/
yet i dont feel like it...
sighhh...
oh...i came back early from malaysia for an interview today
which i totally screwed...
dont say i still got chance
cuz it was a group interview with 15 ppl fighting for 3 spots
of which all of them did brilliantly
n i basically just didnt feel like opening my mouth
n when i was asked questions i stuttered n blabbed some nonsense
my...worst interview ever
i'm pretty sure i would be rejected
as they said
'u cannot answer my question...im not gonna choose u'
god...so direct
i can only laugh at my stupidity
i just...blew away a perfectly good chance
the thing is...i didnt do my best
i can talk...i can perform much better
it's just that i didnt feel like talking today
just didnt feel like opening my mouth...
well...i have only myself to blame
sigh....

guess i should go study now
although i really want my bed n my bolster =(
my mood is currently like this
the 1st song...
i love this soundtrack alot <3
really...great song...reaches deep into ur soul? lol
anyways...enjoy =3
i miss ro2 =(

~_~

2008-09-02T22:35:00.003+08:00

Dear bloggie,
sigh.....
i would say....what a day~
u know sometimes u wanna try ur best, yet ur best is not enough
today i had this molecular bio CA...
n yep i knew i would screw this
but to know that i did badly kinda hit me hard...
cuz i know that all those mistakes are careless mistakes
that if i can focus n concentrate i would be able to avoid those mistakes
when my friend explained to me
only then i thought...wth? why didnt i think of that?

actually...couldnt say that i wasnt trying my best
as i only slept close to dawn last night...i didnt have enough sleep
i wanted to skip the 1st lecture n go straight for the CA
i really didnt know what got into me n made me wake up ~_~
normally i would just convince myself to sleep through
yet this was the only time i regretted i didnt convince myself
as soon as i was ready to go...stomach ache struck me =X
not only that...my nose allergy started to kick in
i dont know what's wrong with it nowadays
sneezing non-stop is a norm to be
but these days it got so bad at times that i couldnt even breathe in
i would feel dam itchy n painful...
my eyes would be watery that i couldnt focus
n my head spinning >.<
so for the 1st lecture i was suffering there...
wishing i was in bed...really bad
used up 2 packets of tissue in an hour =X

but i managed to hold on til the CA
yet i guess there's no point as i couldnt concentrate n think properly
just simply answer the ques
so it comes as no surprise that i failed
still i was disappointed in myself >.<
cant believe whole night of studying n yet it was all useless
why didnt i think properly?
guess it's over now

hopefully i learnt my lesson n start studying now
no more slacking around =X

Neglect

2008-09-01T22:32:00.003+08:00

Why do I always have the mood to blog when the time is not suitable?
while during those times when I complained i'm bored i wouldnt think of blogging =.="
I have been very slack this semester...
guess the stress hasnt kicked in yet...
so i kinda neglected my studies...
until the consequences came knocking on my door =(

this afternoon i had my jap studies tutorial...
n i just realized i had discussion questions to prepare the morning i woke up
which was like...1 hour before the tutorial...
to think that i didnt attend last week's lecture...
dam...panic~
i thought that was bad enough...

until just now when i logged in to ivle i got an annoucement
regarding my CA tmr~!
i was like (pardon my french) 'wat the fxxx'
great...just great..........
it's one of the toughest module this sem...
n from the 1st lecture til now i didnt understand a thing
trust me...not a single thing
the lecturer was too fast...n she explained in sentences too complicated to understand
ohh...i did pay attention alright...i tried my best
but most of the times i couldnt catch her words
even if i could i couldnt understand them
just 2 hours of staring at her wide eyed @@
while not understanding a thing...
the best i did was copied what she said
but i dont even understand what i write...goshhh
n now...out of the blue i discovered i had CA tmr!
i m so not prepared for it...not to mention that i havent tried studying once
i am...soo.....screwed
imagine my shock....damn....
actually....it's my careless mistake u know
i knew there was one coming...just didnt realize it was tmr
see~! consequence of not focusing enough
SIGH~!
long night ahead... T_T
i know i'll screw it...
all i can do now is try my best...
wish me luck =(

Routine

2008-08-31T17:11:00.003+08:00

Dear bloggie,
nowadays i dont really have the mood to blog =/
guess it's because nothing much's going on in my life...
just the usual everyday...
wake up - classes - back in room - sleep
boring life eh? feel like a social pariah LOL
sometimes i really dont get myself u know
at times i want to be alone with my thoughts,
yet other times i cant stand being so lonely in my room n i wanna go out n have fun~
oh well...
anyway...im sad =(

好久没用华语了
嗯，真的好难过哦
一切的一切都结束了
就，模范棒棒堂
真的不敢相信，底迪就这样毕业了
再也看不到他们了
想起以前我第一次看到这节目时
就深深地被那群活泼的少年给吸引了
他们的青春活力可爱帅气认真努力全都被我看在眼里
这节目是唯一让我感觉到他们真实的一面
就这样他们陪着我也快两年了
两年回到房间的习惯
每天一个人回到房间里都会有他们陪着我
看着他们的搞笑我就不会觉得孤单一个人
反而开心的跟着他们疯狂大笑
至少我无趣的生活里我不觉得孤单
而是他们逗我开心
慢慢的我仿佛对每个底迪都很亲近
但现在却没有了要不见了
再也看不到那一群了
我以后的每一个晚上怎么过？
好想念他们没有了他们节目怎么会好看呢
自从得知了这个消息最后那几集
我哭得好惨
他们最后的努力好感动
感动到我落泪了
尤其是他们依依不舍不禁流下男人泪的时候
我跟着他们崩溃了
不敢想象那一刹那世界上有多少粉丝正哭着
连续哭了五天都快没眼泪了
但我还得接受事实
虽然真的很不舍得他们
还是祝福他们

laziness

2008-08-21T18:29:00.003+08:00

Dear bloggie,

i m....gahh...i dont know how to describe how m i feeling now

the best word that i can think of is lazy. =X

i dont feel like staying in my room, i'll feel bored...

but i dont feel like going out of my room, i wanna be alone...

yet at the same time i dont wanna be alone =X

then i'm forcing myself to study for a quiz tomorrow

but every few mins or so i'll be bored n cant study

argh~!!!

what to do? T.T

everytime i stare at the notes n try to read, i...

i do fine when i understand, but whenever i come across something new

i'll think it's too hard n just give up~

sigh.......how am i going to survive this semester?

i want to relax...i prolly relax too much but i dont care!

i wanna play ro2 T.T

too bad i cant play here sigh~

this pic is cuter than the 1 i took XD

Sophomore

2008-08-19T22:17:00.002+08:00

Hiyo ^_^
btw, hiyo means hello in a cute way...or it could mean hi! yo! LOL
well, classes have started...week 2 now
can't believe im in year 2 now, no longer a freshie!
im a sophomore now, so there'll be no excuses for bad results etc =X
u know i thought i was kinda excited to go back to studying
after the long long boring holiday...
yet im feeling rather lazy at the moment.
i prefer last sem more, cuz i have endless assignments n labs n homework so im forced to study
this sem is more like...lectures only...with the exception of japanese =X
i dont have the motivation to study =(
at times i'll just sit down, flip the notes n yawn...*yawnnn*
plus i dont like my timetable this sem.
tuesdays n fridays i have 3 lectures back to back, 6 hours straight of torture.
furthermore it's 3 science cores! *sheesh*
i wonder how they arrange the timetable.
like today, by the time i finish dinner i just wanna lie down on my bed n sleep~
think im going to sleep LOL =X
shall leave the rest of the post til some other day then...
too sleepy to type *yawn*
good night~

Holiday

2008-08-09T22:04:00.009+08:00

Dear bloggie,
It’s been a long time…3 months since I last updated =/
ah well…I cant say I’ve been busy
just that I have other things that kept me occupied.
I'm now at Sg after 3 months of long holiday. Long indeed.
Sadly, my holiday wasn't fruitful - mainly slacking around doing nothing.
So, this post will be about my holiday.
Boy, u're really gonna shake ur heads after u read what i've done =X

So…the last post was written during my final exam.
was over long ago though, and the results were out.
Surprisingly, I was happy with my results.
Cant say that I put lotsa hardwork in it…
But there were those period of sleepless nights n serious mugging
Didn’t expect I would do this well though XD
I’m really not intending to brag or show off what im gonna say but…
As this is my personal blog…if ya don’t like what ya read, leave.
*gosh…picked up some nastiness from ppl*
I remembered this little…exchange session with the seniors during my first few weeks in uni
They asked us about what we wanna achieve in nus for the next couple of years…
What legacy we’d like to leave behind….
As I was only so glad I got into a good uni…I wasn’t planning to shine or what
When others said of getting into the dean’s list…
I figured that would be a pretty normal answer, so I just went along with everyone else
But at that time, I would have never thought I would ever achieve it
Me being so lucky just to get into the uni, what more compete with loads of other geniuses there
Yet I did it. Couldn’t believe I could do it.
What with the crazy subjects I took last semester >.<
I know it’s not much but for me it’s a pretty amazing achievement.
I know I wouldn’t be able to repeat this feat again, so I shall bask in the happiness for a while here. =)

There’s that with my study life. As for my holidays, uhhh…..not much =/
I went to Redang shortly after arriving back in M’sia with my uni friends…
It was an enjoyable trip =)
I love the beach. I love the sea. And I love that place.
Of course the company’s fun too ^_^
I missed that place so much, ever since I first stepped foot there
We snorkelled, swam, played banana boat! n just walked along the beach
I think I spend 2 nights there just lying on the hammock watching the moon n the stars while enjoying the breeze
One of those nights I actually stayed till morning to watch the sunrise!
It was pretty. =) a long long wait thought =/
Sigh…I miss that place. I would love to go back again if I have the chance XD
Photos later ya, I still havent got my hands on them =X

Apart from that, met up with my old secondary schoolmates XD
kinda sad that others didnt have time to meet me though.
3 months - abit....uhh....sad that the whole 3 months i didnt meet them =X
Funny it's always us 3 or 4 of the same ppl hanging out =P

lets see, we went movie, shopping, yumchar, and also to the Eye on Malaysia.
Since we all never been there before.
kinda sad right =X malaysians n yet took us so long to go =P
it was okay. no that nice actually =X
i think i enjoyed the part where we drove around kl n had supper by the roadside after that more XD
it was good fun ^^ must hang out more when i get back.

Oh, as usual, went out with my cousin.
This time it was different. She's come to like drinking, alot =P
Our shopping sessions at 1U always continued with a drink at Mardi Gras =.="
*tsk tsk*
Notice anything different with my hair? =P

Right, one last thing left to crap. So what’s kept me occupied this whole holiday?
Until I didn’t have time to update the blog, and didn’t even bother to sign in on msn.
Think I didn’t check my phone much too, means the unanswered calls n smses.
Quote from my cousin: “like u’ve disappeared or died or something.” =/
Okay I admit. So I’m addicted to online games again, namely RO2
I know it’d done me harm in the past, but it wasn’t all bad.
And I don’t have anything to do now, so why not? =P
I was reluctant at first, but when I started playing, god I couldn’t stop. >.<”
It was fun. really =)
The graphics was nice, new things to try, new monsters to hit, cute characters too ^^
I was mainly lvling during the holidays, grinding on the same mob over n over again =X
But most of all i get to meet new friends.
Sadly, I cannot play here in Sg anymore =(
i was planning to semi-quit for studies, maybe just login during weekends to say hi to ppl i know
But ever since i came here i couldnt log in. prolly my network blocks or something
oh well, maybe it's for the best =/
I know that if i still play abit, I wont have all my attention on studies.
n I understand the consequences of that.
the thing is, i really miss those ppl i play with =(

now i cant even say bye to them...sigh~
guess i'll wait til i go back to M'sia then.

So, there. That's about it. Shaking heads now?
3 months holiday n that was what i did.
Well, i was planning to do special term. But due to some technical difficulties I couldnt take the module *pif*
By then it was kinda late to find a part-time job.
So yep, pretty much glued in front of my laptop the whole holidays.
Gonna start classes next week.
Sigh~ gonna be another torturing 4 months T.T

Taggy

2008-05-05T06:59:00.003+08:00

Too bored...just finish revisioning my Japanese for later =(
came across this in Michelle's blog LOL...

8 things I am passionate about:(in no particular order)
1. my bolster =D
2. chocolate
3. sleep
4. music
5. peter pan =P
6. lollipop =D
7. shopping!!
8. beach

8 things I say too often:
1. har?
2. wat the hell??
3. wat the...
4. wahlau...
5. shit...
6. ~jek...
7. hmm...
8. err....

8 books I’ve read recently: *=.=" u dont wanna know...*
1. Minna no Nihongo textbooks
2. Statistics textbook
3. Biology textbook
4. Microbiology textbook
5. Learn to Program Java
6. The Biophysical Environment of Singapore
7. Perfect Strangers *finally!!! a storybook!*
8. Atlantis

8 songs I could listen to over and over again: *i'm afraid mostly chinese*
1. Lollipop - 哪里怕
2. Justin - 命硬
3. Peter Pan - 流星下的愿
4. Lollipop - 梦想号
5. 刘明峰 - 依恋
6. DBSK - Purple Line
7. Fahrenheit - 心里有数
8. Jay Chou - 夜曲

8 things I learned for the past year:
1. Learnt not to trust people easily and that people are not what they seemed to be
2. Not to be dependent on anyone
3. Hardworking *i have to =.=" for survival in this uni*
4. Also learnt that I can endure pain alot =/
5. Control my emoness and overcome it LOL
6. Learnt to enjoy and appreciate life
7. Learnt how to manipulate my biological clock to my liking =P
8. Read people's mind better

8 Ppl I love to tag :
err...cannot find 8 larh...
same as michelle I guess...
anyone who has a blog n are reading this right now =D

back

2008-04-30T21:33:00.010+08:00

Hello...
i've been missing for quite a while...
got lots of things to say...just no time to post...
i shall start from few days back then =D

----------------------------------------------------

On friday i went back to M'sia mar...so i was preparing to board the bus...

was handing over my luggage to put at the compartment when the guy said

'1 Utama ya...'

'hai hai' << Japanese

??? 'apa?'

@@" 'ohh...ya ya'

OMG! how can i...! see larh...too much japanese till confused ady =.="

-----------------------------------------------------

When i was back in M'sia i didnt study at all!! not a bit...

really too tired...n was in no mood to study...

most of the time was trying to set back my biological clock to normal timing...

but it didnt work =(

Sunday was my bro's wedding dinner...

the night b4 that i was hunting for dress around klang area...

SO hard to find ok! especially given the time constrain

i walked finish the whole of jusco n klang parade...

then i was like....ok shit...im out of places to find now...no more ady...HOW?

in the end i went back to some shops to look again lor...

got 2 dresses for the price of 1...not bad looking too...quite happy =D

oh yeah...before the dinner...

my cousin dragged me to lowyat plaza which was behind the dinner venue...

i was wearing a dress!! luckily she had extra jacket...

but i still looked funny with a oversized sweater n a shiny skirt =.="

thought she wanted to buy webcam geh...

mana tau is to meet her bf! cheh....

in the end oso never buy the webcam...tsk tsk

see them hug here hug there i felt so out of place =/

anyway...the wedding dinner was okay bah...

the place was nice...food was ok...

a very small dinner...just a few tables...

but it's the 1st time i see my bro so happy lolx =D

he was smiling the whole time!

although he always smile normally...

this time can feel that he was really happy =)

hope he'll be happy forever bah...

n im waiting for more nieces n nephews!! XD

here's him n my dai sou...

me n phoebe! she's so grown up already!!! no longer the baby i like to play with =(

we were trying to squeeze 3 ppl in the pic...

them lah...want me to hold the camera...in the end turn out so weird =/

camwhoring in the toilet xP

----------------------------------------------------

My exams!! gosh...so far it's been...bad! =(

i came back on Monday...was super tired...

n i had 2 papers the next day...

my CS paper was....gahhh~ super hard!

as usual no time to complete the paper...

n so many interruptions with the lecturer kept changing the questions...at least 4-5 times!

somemore that was the 1st time i really had no time

i was still writing when he said

'stop writing...anyone found doing so will be deemed as cheated'

@@"

but i was only left with a few sentences!! =(

then while he wasnt looking i scribbled a few sentences hastily...

really very hastily...couldnt even read my writing

n my indentation n braces all wrong!

aiyah...heck...i already screwed that question anyway =(

the next paper was SS...

seriously...sigh...really screwed this 1 too

i tried doing a few past year papers...the questions were very standard

can see for 4 years straight the questions were almost exactly the same

n this year....identical too!

well...the problem is...

i dont even know the answers to the past year questions

how does it even help jek? =(

the questions were hard...answers not in the book nor the notes...

n nobody knows the answers...

so...even if i tried doing i wouldnt know if im correct or not

same with this year too...think i screwed quite alot...

essay also dont know how to write T.T

sigh...................

then today i sat for my biodiversity paper...

omg! i m so lucky!

shall go to that later....

the paper was quite hard...

n the plants questions were....impossible!

the 1st question itself...the answers all specific species name!

all never see before 1!!! even open book also how to find wor!

then i skipped to the next 1...

same! this time the species even more weird...

n the following few questions all asked us to choose 1 species...

wahlau....the name all so weird n never see before...

all also simply choose de larh! =(

no time to find...n some dont think book got also /pif

i dont like that plant lecturer! like trying to make us fail liddat... =(

it was quite okay for the animals part...

then microbiology part...gahh...same thing again =.="

there was 1 question...

What disease does the bacterium Helicobacter Pyori cause in humans?

i was thinking...

shit...book where got jek...dont think i read it!!

ehh...wait wait...i remember he mentioned in lecture

'now the species that i like alot...Helicobacter Pyori...it is the common cause for xxx in humans'

!!!!!!! how come i can remember the sentence he said but just that part i forgot! T.T

think hard!!!

sigh....forgot ady larh....simply choose 1 then =(

so i chose the name which suits it most...n then moved on...

then 5 minutes before time...i was checking the book for the plants species...

i was flipping the very thick biology textbook when i saw a picture of an ulcer...

i almost wanted to continue flipping when i saw...

Helicobacter pyori...common cause for peptic ulcer disease...

@@"

OMG! SO LUCKY...

i didnt know that book has it....i didnt have the microbiology textbook see...

wahh...at least i saved myself from losing 1 mark =/

but overall...the essays quite bad...

animals essay i wrote too much...which resulted in me not having sufficient time for others...

then microbio essay i dono how to answer also...so simply crap

so...yeah...so far i screwed all the papers

doubt it would be any better for the remaining 2...

at least i get to rest for a few days 1st....

i dont wanna study tonight! i wanna relaxxxxx =(

sleepless

2008-04-25T05:17:00.002+08:00

i knew this would happen again...
chehhh...
i dont like larh~!!
every night i tried to sleep
n it would be fine...i would be yawning n feeling very sleepy n tired
but as the second ticked away...
i would be more n more awake
then after few hours i would be soooo frust that i gave up
arghh...somemore that resulted in me having gastric this morning

yesterday morning i had class mar...
i was seriously contemplating not to go already cuz i feel so tired
but then i really dont wanna feel guilty after that
so i went...
oh god....
by 9am i was the only 1 in the programming lab...
i was thinking...shit...cannot be me alone wat........
then 9.05am he came in n saw me
'hello'
normally we dont say hello back cuz alot ppl there mar...
but then now only me alone takkan lah i so rude...
'err...hi'
'only u alone?'
*looks around* 'errrr...i think so'
then he looked so....sad n disappointed!
'i think we wait for more ppl...i'll be back in 10 mins time'
'ohh...ok'
by then i was sooo nervous...cuz sooo awkward wat
u know how weird would it be i was really aloneee
if it's my previous lecturer i wouldnt mind so much
but im scared of this lecturer >.<"
he's.....abit weird =X
10 mins later...
*pops his head in*
'still only u alone?'
'errr....i think so'
by then he jus looked down for like...sooo long
looking so...disappointed...
=X very hard to read his thoughts...
he's 1 of the hardest person to read that i encountered b4 =/
'u think more ppl will come?'
'i dono?'
that time i think he really wanted to cancel the lecture ady...
i wouldnt mind...it was sooo awkward!!!!
'ok...' *looks down n thinks hard again*
after quite some time...
'i think we wait somemore'
*storms off the lab*
@@" he's weird!!
i was seriously scared by then...super awkward!!!!
after 5 mins i saw a familiar face!!!!
a guy from my lecture group walked in...
gosh i swore i almost jumped up n hugged him!!!! =/
i was sooo relieved i think i looked at him quite a few times
really wanted to say 'OMG! luckily u came! u know how awkward it was jus now?'
but then even though i was very happy then i was still shy =X
then he turned n asked me if there's a lecture today...
i was like
'YESSS!!!!!! luckily u came!!!! if not it would be me n him alone!!!!'
'har?'
'er....nothing lah...he's just waiting for more ppl...heh'
i tell u har...i dono wats wrong with those ppl
after 30 mins only they slowly come in 1...
somemore after 1 hour still ppl showed up =.="
in the end there were 7 of us i think....
good enough arh~ better than me alone only rite! =(

but then...after 1 hour or so i started to feel gastric pains in my stomach T.T
i think cuz for the past week i wasnt awake during that time
so my gastrointestinal system abit screwed up =/
really very pain >.<" until i couldnt concentrate
somemore i was planning to go a few places to settle some stuffs
but after the lecture i really couldnt so i headed back
on the way to buy porridge in pgp rite...
gosh... another embarrassing thing happened again
i was walking down the stairs from the 2nd floor of the new canteen...
the stairs r very...er...in a very strategic place....
facing all the chairs n tables...
ppl just look up can see ady...
so i was walking down...
then suddenly i fell down!!!! T.T
i slipped a few stairs down...god i can feel all those eyes on me =/
so xia sui larh! n i still have to stay around to tapao food =.="
still hurts...sigh...dono y so suey

after that i went straight to sleep le bah
n now i cant sleep!
5 hours + more to my bus ride
SO LONG!!!
do wat jek...
i dont have the mood to study =(

losing track of day and time...

2008-04-24T02:36:00.002+08:00

Bloggie....
as the title above =(
cuz my biological clock is so screwed up
n very not synchronized with the Earth
i really am losing track of the day n time
everytime i wake up i must think really hard wat day is it =.="
i m quite afraid that i will forget that it's friday
then miss my bus back home =X
*wont happen wont happen*
today is....err...wednesday!
eh? nono...after 12 ady...it's thursday rite?
SEE!! T.T
ok means tomorrow im going back to M'sia...
tomorrow tomorrow...must remind myself....
but tomorrow is more than 24 hours away!
eeshhh...im so blur!

actually cannot blame me also mar =(
cuz i havent yet spend thursday...
i have a cs lecture tmr! as in later today! =/
u must be thinking...wth? so late into study week n so near finals still got lecture?!?!?!
well...it's a make-up lecture as my lecturer was err...absent for the last few lectures...
actually...it's me who's suey =/
cuz we have 3 lectures for cs
n i'm quite free to go for 2 of the 3 lectures
sometimes if im busy rushing assignment on tuesday i will go for the friday 1
but u see...every lecture i go he sure wont be there 1 =.="
dam suey i tell u =.=
i dono y pin pin he chose those days to not appear
make me wait for 2 hours + everytime...
so i missed quite a few lectures...n he didnt have make-up lectures for some
that's y i have to go tomorrow...
somemore i dont understand the last few lectures at all!! it's so hard! =(
actually quite funny...
yesterday morning i was flipping through cs notes...
then the last few lectures i read n read i still dont understand T.T
i was thinking...die lor liddat....
then when i was about to shut down my laptop to go to sleep
i sunpin check my email...
0.o...i got an email from the lecturer saying there's a make-up lecture
so i was like...wah! such a coincidence...
oh...forgot to mention...he sent the email at 5.54am =.=" wat was he doing awake then?
then i decided to go already since it's my last chance to understand =/
then i read....

Dear CS1101 students,
.....make-up lecture
time : 9am
venue : ***
Thanks
---xxx.

?????
which day wor???? never mention 1 =.="
*sweat*
then i was thinking...cannot be today rite? as in yesterday
cannot be that he inform at 6am then the lecture at 9am wat
liddat too late ady...who would check their emails so early
except ppl like me larh =X
then erm...i emailed him lor...n he sent another email informing the day...

sigh...now how wor...
i can stay awake until it's time to go for the lecture
but i'll be a zombie during the lecture larh! =(
dont think i can concentrate....
i wanted to sleep...
n i did slept for abit just now...
was so sick of studying everyday n not feeling well =/
but only for like half an hour =.="
then i suddenly woke up...very wide awake in fact...
but im still sick of studying...
sick of cs ady larh~!!~!~~!!!
i dont understand at all!!!!
encapsulation...polymorphism...interface?!?!?!?!
shen me dong dong mar =(

sigh...think i shall go n take a bath now
hopefully i'll feel refreshed enough to start studying again =(

私は勉強したくないです

2008-04-22T03:11:00.002+08:00

i dont want to study!
barely few days into studying week n im giving up already
it's gotta do with the subject im studying also...
programming methodology
=(
it's like....maths!
cannot study 1 arh =.="
how to study jek....
for me it's more to applications n stuff...
as in...if i understand the concept
then done!
at least bio or wat it's more reading n understanding
but there r lots of stuffs to read n slowly understand n memorize...
cs is just...dead =/
i really dono wat to study.....
n the questions in the exams r not plain simple
not testing on our knowledge of java
more like testing on how fast our brain can twist =(
i dont want to study le larh....
the more i flip the pages of the book the more frustrated i m
i'll be thinking 'i already understand this lor...wat to study jek'
not that im boasting or wat
it's just...for this subject
really more to...applying the knowledge mar
knowing the formula doesnt mean that i can answer the questions =.="
got a feeling i'll screw this 1 too =X

n the lecturer cheat us 1!
for our midterm...in 1 hour n 30 mins we had to solve 4 ques
but we didnt have enough time...
so he asked us what's the main prob of that test
for most ppl it's the time constrain mar
so he was like...
'oh ok lor...then i know what's the prob ady'
'for finals 2 hours...i'll just remain with 4 ques so u have enough time to do'
but then..............
i just saw the format...6 questions!!!
worse rite........
can die
i dont want to study arrrrrhhhhhhh
i wanna give up =(

nocturnal

2008-04-21T05:50:00.002+08:00

dear bloggie....
u know i expected my sleeping habits to be screwed up
but then it's getting worse =(
i thought i could sleep before dawn breaks
n then wake up well before dusk
but it seems like...im having lots of trouble sleeping
yesterday after sooo many hours of studying
i was tired n couldnt concentrate anymore...
so i tried sleeping....but to no avail =/
was tossing n turning for few hours before i gave up
i was tired...couldnt study anymore...
but i was so frustrated that i couldnt sleep
so i switched on my comp again...
that time i didnt know wat to do
that i had a sudden impulse to play o2jam...
but then i just found out that o2jam malaysia closed down T.T
i really really really wanted to play then
so i installed o2mania LOL...
took quite a while for me to figure out how to use n all
but by morning i was able to make it work n i had a few songs...
even though i was super tired by then
i kept playing =.="
well...this game doesnt need much concentration mar =.=
my eyes wasnt focusing also...
=D finally got game to play...
soo sien to be studying everyday =(

that's y by now i'm still awake
n i really dont bother with trying to go to bed
as i know i wouldnt be able to fall asleep =.="
so might as well wait til few hours later bah
i think...must be the coffee =X
whenever exam period nears i will be consuming lots of coffee...
can finish a whole packet within few weeks in this period >.<"
what with 2-3 cups a night...
think that might result in me not able to sleep as well =.="

arrghh...wat to do now =(
i dont feel like studying anymore....
my brain too saturated already...
i dont think i can input anymore stuff from biodiversity
how how?
o2mania =D

study break

2008-04-19T03:10:00.002+08:00

it's the beginning of the study break
time passes so fast hor? =(
in the blink of an eye it's the end of another sem...

i cannot run away from studying anymore T.T
i dont like study break...
it's the worst time of the sem
my sleeping time will be screwed...
i'll be sleeping during the day
n active during the night =/
my eating habits will be screwed too
n i'll be at my desk the whole time...
i'll be very very stress............
arrghh...
weird enough my immune system will be exceptionally strong during this period
n then signs of sickness will show during the exam period
n finally after the last paper i will collapse =/

i dont have enough time to study! =(
dont like larhhh......
lucky it started raining just now...
at least lifted up my mood abit =/
else it'd be so hot n sticky
n i'd be bathing around 2-3 times during the night alone to freshen up =X
im tired tired tired....
now just started on biodiversity
alot...alot...alot to study....
everything including bacteria, plants, animals
all the kingdoms n the phylums n the characteristics n differences
worst of all...the species name!!
i hate it...so difficult to remember.....
how to remember jek? =(
it's crazy to study all...luckily it's open book
else i wouldnt be able to memorize all those

sidetrack abit...
today hor...someone messaged me on msn...
someone unexpected...whom i didnt contact for the past 1 year
whom i thought we're strangers now
quite a complicated story >.<"
i really didnt know how to reply...
n he was quite...brave to...broach on that subject that resulted in us being like this
n i was surprised at my reaction
i've grown up! more mature than last time =D
even michelle said so ok =P
i dont know...he hasnt been on my mind for quite a long time already
i really dono wat to do =.="

i should get back to studying =(
dont like!
sob!!

to sleep or not to sleep?

2008-04-17T03:03:00.004+08:00

dear bloggie,
as the title suggests...should i sleep or not?
quite long story...
im rushing my microbiology lab report now...
been doing for the past 5 hours ady =(
plus or minus 2 hours of resting n snacking =/
seems like i cannot finish by tonight lerh...
it's not due tomorrow or wat...
but i wanna finish it fast so i can start on my cs lab assignment
then i can start studying for my finals earlier =X
oh...another thing is
i wanna give myself a reason to go to science tomorrow...
if i finish this report then i would have to hand in tomorrow
then i can err...sunpin go check my stats test result >.<"
i dont wanna go all the way to science just to check mar =(
although im abit nervous now
tomoro i dont have any classes there see...

but im just halfway done..........
n then i gotta edit again to cut off 4 pages...
which i doubt i can do it =/
if i sleep now hor...i know i wouldnt be able to sleep so easily
but then if i dont sleep now...i wont have enough sleep to wake up tmr! =(
if i wanna continue then i think it'll at least take till morning bah?
how? =(

anyway....
recently im crazy bout this guy....
like thousands other fans of his =/
this guy is...peter pan LOL
潘裕文 =)
im quite slow actually...
that 超级星光大道 is already 3rd season now
n he was from the 1st season... =X
n before this i didnt like that show >.<"
havent notice him bah =P
until i saw him singing...omg my heart melted
when he sing i'll be soo touched even my hair will stand on its end...really!!
he's just soooo sweet n gentle...
at 1st i didnt think he was handsome or cute...
probably his personality bah
i dono...there's this something i feel whenever i see him on the shows or wat
i cant describe it...but every little movement of his attracted me to him
like how he laughs...how he shrugs his shoulders...
the way the shirt hung on him...
those small little details >.<"
i seldom feel that way about guys... =P
normally i wouldnt notice so much about celebrities
just...like them cuz they're cute LOL
this is different =D

see....cute rite? ^_^

random

2008-04-16T01:42:00.003+08:00

Dear bloggie,

seems like i've been reporting here daily

well...i dont have much human contact nowadays =/

somemore nobody chats with me on msn...

so...no choice have to crap here lor >.<"

for today i had my microbiology test...

sigh...wasted...i didnt prepare some materials for the open book test

which resulted in me not able to answer 1 of the questions

dont care lah...since it's over ady

actually i dono y i dont really care...

1st time i didnt really mind that i did quite badly for a test

for tomorrow...i have japanese oral interview...

i dont care larh~ just simply talk like how i did during the tutorials can ady

wahh...seriously i really dont care ady >.<"

with finals this close...OMG...

later i dont care bout finals how =/

im quite busy for my last week lerh...

microbio test...oral test...

i have a 10 page lab report due this friday...

n a cs lab assignment due this sunday...

what a week =X the last week's supposed to be for us to relax

the calm before the storm mar...

so busy...where got time to study jek~!

i havent started studying for my finals arh~~~

anyway...my bro's wedding dinner's coming soon...
in fact it is exactly 2 days before my finals
somemore...im starting my finals with 2 papers in a day
whoopeee... -im so dead-
i am going back =/
i like weddings mar! somemore it's my bro!
if i miss this then there wouldnt be another wedding le larh =(
so im going back 2 days before the wedding...
n coming back here on the day before my finals
wish me luck~
n then i know that im going back to enjoy
hopefully i would have done some studying prior to that =/
the wedding dinner's going to be held at some nice place...
but then...there's a problem =X
i dont have a nice dress for the dinner!!! =(
aiyerr....n now no time to go shopping for dresses le larh!
i tell u hor....very frust 1 lerh
everytime i chance upon a nice dress while im shopping
i would love it so much...n i would be very tempted to buy
then i would think think...i buy this for wat jek >.<" no use arh as there wouldnt be any appropriate occassion to wear
then i would just reluctantly let it go!!!!
arrrghh....
so everytime during times like these i would regrettttt~~
y didnt i bought the dress last time jek~! T.T
then i wouldnt have any problems now!!
there was this nice black piece in sub...70% off
very nice cutting...n it fitted me perfectly...
that time i wanted to buy but i couldnt think of a reason to buy
so i just let it go....!!
until now im still regretting T.T
then after that there was this casual dress in 1U
very cheap....should have bought it larh~

seriously...i wonder how come i didnt buy it...

i was in dilemma for weeks...n when i finally decided to buy

sold out ady =.=

the closest thing i have to it now is this =(

SEE...now where m i gonna get a dinner dress in time? =(

lunatic

2008-04-15T03:10:00.004+08:00

same old same old...
i dont know why the more panicky i m
as in the more urgent the situation is n i cannot afford to take time off
the more i feel like slacking off =.=
gahh...used to it
i have microbiology test tmr!
n i can say that i m never present for lectures
for the last 2 lectures...
the 1st 1 i was physically there but mentally somewhere else
i kinda forgot wat was i thinking then...
but then i remembered the lecture was sooo boring til i didnt absorb any word
then the 2nd lecture i was busy rushing my cs lab in my room =/
so yup....im doomed later~

the past few hours i tried to study...
but then arh...my mind was somewhere else again =.="
see...i've been thinking bout the 3 months holiday after my finals =P
*tsk tsk...havent even prepare for finals already thinking bout holidays...*
cuz rite...my finals ending in the beginning of may...
n then i have holiday til august...
long long long summer holiday 0.o

before this i was thinking...i wanna stay here n work n earn money
but then...if i weigh the pros n cons rite
i'll be alone here...>.<" n then staying alone in pgp without anyone is scary........
somemore with the living expenses here...n the accomodation fees
i hardly earn alot =.="
then i thought of going back...
but what m i to do for 3 months at home jek...
i'll be alone also =.="
my bro studying n tuition...so most of the time wont be home to entertain me
*not like he'll entertain me when he's home oso jek =/*
dad working...actually not like it's gonna make any diff whether he's home or not =X
mom either working or studying...either way also only will be home during weekends
means i have no car!
n the nearest train station is 1 hour walk away...
this means i m trapped at home with nothing to do......
i'll be contented by just sleeping the 1st few weeks...
after that i'll be super bored...n will go crazy...really
i wanted to work too...but then without transport...dont think i can =.=

therefore...i've come to a solution =D
i've decided to take special term during the holidays...
that is...i can study certain modules that they offer bah...
cuz hor...nx year i have a 6mc module!! T.T
normal credit is 4mc standard bah...that workload already enough to kill me
n then nx year both sem i have 3 cores...plus japanese n cs...
so...i really dont wanna torture myself >.<"
since they're offering the 6mc module during special term
i might as well take it...
that way i can concentrate on the module more bah...
oh...forgot to mention...it's a 6 hour long lab...
so with my 7 hour japanese module...i can hardly squeeze in my normal sem
it'll be 8am to 8pm everyday *faint*
yup...kinda decided
then im thinking of taking up another gem module...
since i'll be quite free besides the 2 horrible 10am-6pm lab days
might as well make my money worth n clear up as many modules as i can 1st?
the only thing is they'll only offer it if the enrolment is more than 50
let's hope it is yah >.<"
else i really cannot think of anything to do during the holidays
not to mention that the workload in normal sem will torture me nx year

see...kill 2 birds with 1 stone mar...
right? =/
at least i can spend half of the holiday home to rest
n by the time i start to feel bored i would be back here studying ady
omg larh...i cant believe i sacrificed my holidays to study
not like i have any choice do i?

study study study =(

2008-04-12T20:41:00.002+08:00

bloggie....!!
im lazy =(
i ought to study now....
yes larh study again...all the posts seem to be neverending with the word study
i have microbiology test on tuesday mar!! =(

i tell u hor...im surprised by myself @@"
lolx...got reason 1 ok...
well...i dont like libraries...
erm...not dont like libraries larh...
i do like the books collection in the library
n i do go to the library every week to borrow storybooks to read
but that's about it...
i go in...look for storybooks...borrow them n leave...
i just cannot study in the library...
a nono for me...
i tried studying in taylor's library n in imu...
after 5 mins i just couldnt take it =/
well...that's prolly cuz i cannot pay attention in the library
im a....errr.....a very observant person =X
*i know u would think more like a stalker*
but i like to watch ppl...n i've grown to be quite good in reading ppl
so...if im at public places i couldnt help but to watch ppl see
any noise or distraction or movement i would lift my head up n see
that's no good u know...kinda make me cannot concentrate studying in the library
plus...it's too quiet that any sudden or discreet noise would be distracting
as in the ruffling of pages...the whispering etc etc...
so i can only study when im alone with nothing to distract me *nods head*

but then...that's not today's point...
my point is...i went to the library 2 days in a row to study!!! @@"
sooooo not me *tsk tsk /e5*
yesterday night after dinner n bath i suddenly felt the determination to go to the library LOL
oklah not purely to study... >.<"
cuz of the microbio test...it's open book n i dont have a textbook
not worth buying 1 anyway cuz we only need some parts of it
so i needed the book!! it's a reserve book so i can only loan for 2 hours =(
therefore i decided to go to the library....guai lerh? =P
so at 8pm i left for the library...
but i came back quite early last night =.="
was hoping to stay til library closes
but i left half of my microbio notes in my room swt...
n i couldnt study or mark the chapters without the notes =(
so i left...with the book!
it was an overnight loan lolx...
although quite happy i can get the book all to myself for the whole night to study
i couldnt bear sacrificing my saturday morning to go to the library =(
but i had no choice...i had to return the book at 9am this morning... T.T

n so my decision surprised me again @@"
soooo not me again *tsk tsk*
i could wake up so early in the morning on a saturday just to go to the library!!!
really....prolly knocked my head on something before or wat =.=
it was still quite early when i reached the library
that time the photostate service was still closed...
so i had to study there 1st...alone...
quite eerie lerh... >.<"
there were rows n rows of tall book shelves...
it was quite dark n quite narrow...
n i kept hearing sounds...
u never know what lurks around the corner do u? =/

as the book loan was for 2 hours...
i was quite tired by 11am when i had to return the book
i tried studying in the library...but cannot larh =(
so i came back...n i slept...
then when i woke up few hours ago...
no mood to study le larh!!
how~!
like all the determination suddenly gone
eeeeshhhh........
must try to motivate myself again =/

last moment spent with him =(

2008-04-10T19:51:00.003+08:00

Dear bloggie,
i'm sad! T.T
today was my last last last tutorial with him =(
there's no more class next week...dono why!
other tutorials n lectures still on...its just this tutorial that's ending this week
somemore it's the least among all tutorials u know! =(

anyway...since it's the last tutorial
i appreciated every single moment spent with him...
LOL sounds abit funny...
nolah wat i meant was...i couldnt stop staring at him >.<"
of cuz when nobody's noticing larh =/
cuz it's the last last time that i can look at him at such a close distance already =(
i was thinking...i must appreciate every second
so cannot take my eyes off him LOL
when the class started he was giving back our quizzes...
that time he was standing right in front of me looking for my paper...
n then i wanted to stare up...but i was shy >.<"
but then i was hoping that he wouldnt find my paper
so i can enjoy him standing in front of me longer LOL
he was so cutee...the serious expression when finding for my paper
then when he found it n looked up n smiled...eeeeeee so cute...

i really couldnt stop looking at him n observing him u know...
that time class havent started...
he was talking to other students at the other end of the class
i wasnt really listening in to their conversation...more like looking at him
i forgot what really happened...
but what i remember was seeing him talking so seriously
then suddenly he broke into a laugh
n unconciously i started smiling widely as well...
really...unconciously...
by the time i woke out of that dream i was like
'EH? OMG how come im smiling so widely...i must look like some soh poh =/'
seeing him smile made me smile too =)

well...today's tutorial was fine i supposed...
he didnt ignore me like he did a few weeks back =P
that time most ppl already performed around 2 or 3 times bah...
time was almost up n there was this last conversation
that time i just felt...pick meee!!!
haha...i dunno...prolly just want him to notice me 1 last time bah =(
so i kept wishing...pick me ok? watashi ne?
then my wish came true =)

then when the class ended...i didnt want to leave =(
normally i would just pack my bag n leave
but i just sat there...waiting for him to say something =/
he said that today was the last tutorial already...
n then...i dunno...
i didnt really pay attention to what he said
that time i was sitting down still...n he was sitting directly opposite me at the desk
all the time while he was talking i kept staring at him
n then i realized he was looking my way too
not directly at me i suppose =(
more like he's focusing his sight behind me or wat =.="
there's no one behind me though...i was hoping he was looking at me! XD
hehe...he did look at me in the end
n i stared back at him...something passed between us...
more like im sending a telepathic message 'sayoonara =('
n he smiled =)
sigh...i so wanted to give him a goodbye hug then =/

sigh...so sad.......i hope he'll be in japanese 2 next sem =(
i know it's quite impossible but i dont wanna be separated from him!
ok lah not like we're ever together or wat =.=
i still wanna see him mar =(
he makes my day! n his class is the only 1 i look forward to every week see...
sigh...
in another tutorial class we had to hand in an assignment...
n inside there was this part where we had to write a message to the tutor
too bad he's not my tutor for that tutorial
if he was...i prolly would write something like
初めて会ったから、ずっと好きです。
LOL...that would be a love letter le hor? then i would fail this module =/
nah...more like i wanna say...
*pardon my japanese...with my limited vocab n grammar...this is all i could manage*
先生、今日までお世話になりました。先生はとてもおもしろいです。そして、親切です。チューとリアのクラスはいつも楽しかったです。私は先生のクラスがとても好きです。先生はいい先生ですよ。私は先生から多く習いました。だから、どうもありがとうございました。
=(
if i had more ability...i would say...
i will miss u T.T
u must be happy k?

ひとりで

2008-04-09T21:44:00.004+08:00

Dear bloggie,
seems like i am posting quite often these few days eh?
although im very busy...i dunno
just felt like typing out
prolly cuz i have no one to talk to these days
so...i can just crap here huh?

u know i always dont like to be alone...
that seems quite er contradictory cuz i always will hide when im emo
sometimes i do wanna be alone with my thoughts
that is normal for ppl...
in fact i think i quite gotten used to it le bah
what with everyday tapao back to my room n ownself eat =/
but i never went out by myself n shop before...
until now...

what i meant was...going out to shopping malls n walk alone
that is still fine
the worst part is when lunch or dinner time comes n u have no choice but to eat alone
it's already bad enough having to tapao up to my room everyday
but to eat outside without anyone >.<"
i dont like that...cuz in m'sia i had the experience twice
n both times ppl come up to me n ask
'wah? u eating alone arh? no friends? y so kerlian 1?'
so if can i try to avoid that...
but today i had no choice see...
after my tutorial in the morning i went to novena square to buy bus tickets to m'sia
while i was there i thought...since im already out
why not just shop by myself...no harm wat? >.<"
so i shopped there...until lunch time bah
my stomach was growling with hunger that time
i didnt want to eat alone >.<" almost decided to hold my hunger
until i saw kfc n i was like...wat the heck...just go in n eat lah!

and so it happened...
it was not that bad actually...
prolly cuz it was still early n not much ppl there
so i wont feel so self concious of me eating alone there >.<"
but as time passed i got used to the feeling bah...
more like i accepted the fact that life onwards will be like this?
lolx...
so as i already decided to spend the day shopping alone
i went to bugis! lol...very random i know
but i wanted to shop for dress for my bro's wedding mar...
n then i had to buy present for someone *tsk tsk /e5* LOL
then i shopped around bugis junction lor...
bugis street too...just that only a few shops open =(
so sad...i really wanted to spend money then LOL
actually shopping alone has its own pros bah...
i can go into any shop i want without feeling guilty that other ppl might feel bored
n i can take as long as i want to browse...
so yeah...bought myself a little something
quite exp actually...but im due for some treat =P

i didnt get to shop much...wanted to go to orchard after that
but i was very tired n sleepy by then =/
i didnt get to buy my dress too!! so hard to find =(
so i went back...quite early still that time
i thought i could escape unnoticed でも、どうして?
確率はとても小さいですよ
like history repeating itself n this time im the one ね
oh well...
anyway...it is quite alright going out alone sometimes
might do that again when i have the time lolx =P

never-ending lab assignments

2008-04-08T21:29:00.004+08:00

im very tired...very very tired...
for now i just wanna lie down n rest
but i have lots n lots n lots of things to do =(
havent had much of a rest since...i dono how long ago =.=
n i forsee that i'm not gonna get a good day's rest anytime soon
seeing that finals is just round the corner =/

today was a long long day...
it was a continuation from yesterday i guess
i had stats test in the morning which was...
urghh...i dont wanna talk about it =X
then i didnt get to go back for my refreshing bath n coffee
cuz i had practice for my japanese skit...
then tutorial and tutorial...
lastly a meeting which i have no idea what was my purpose there
n then i got back here around 10 =(
sigh....
even though i was super tired n i really wanted to sleep then...
i had to get started on my programming lab assignment

cheat ppl de lor! =(
at 1st i thought that the last lab was the last assignment ady...
then i was sooo relieved...
relieved that i wont feel so stressed every sunday when the lab is due
then suddenly they say got 4 more labs!!!!
Eyer.....n then it came unexpectedly...
by the time i found out i was having PE the next day
it was only until yesterday that i had time to start doing
n it's due tomorrow =.=
so i sat down n started typing...
after 2 hours or so i finished 1 part =.="
such a slow programmer *tsk tsk*
then when i got on the the next part i got stuck!
i couldnt calculate a very simple math algorithm
which resulted in me very stressed...very frustrated...n pulling my hair
i just couldnt get what was wrong...but then i just didnt get how they calculated something
at the end of 4 hours i almost cried T.T
really damn frust....n very angry with myself for not understanding in
so alas i had no choice but to email my tutor n ask for help =/

after that i pretty much couldnt do anything as i was stuck
so i went to sleep...but i didnt really slept =.=
more like waking up every hour waiting for time to past
hoping that morning will come n then i can check my email for my tutor's reply
with that i drifted between conciousness n dreamland every few hours or so
very stressed ah...
by the time i woke up n checked my mail...
>.<"
my tutor had to relay the email to my lecturer @@"
meaning i have to wait somemore...n this time prolly even longer
as i was wondering how in the hell im gona complete my assignment
i saw that 1 word in the email to the lecturer n i realized my mistake *sweat*
such a careless mistake...couldnt believe i'm so dumb =(
i was too hasty that i didnt fully understand the instructions...
now ah...i've seen my email passed around between the lecturers n tutors...
so embarassing! =.="
they must be thinking how come such a simple problem oso i cannot figure out =(
then like that lor...since then i've been sitting in front of my comp coding
6 hours straight of drjava n command prompt =/
finally done~
arrrrrghhh....should feel relieved n that sense of achievement
but with such a careless mistake...im still mad at myself =(
sigh...this cycle will prolly repeat tomorrow when i receive my next lab assignment T.T

random

2008-04-07T04:04:00.002+08:00

dear bloggie,
i....
>.<"
i have nothing much to say actually...
just that...
dono why recently he kept appearing in my thoughts
sometimes in my dreams
which...i have no idea why
it's not the him i kept talking about on thursdays =/
it's the him whose feelings i had for i thought i had forgotten

there was one night long ago when i couldnt sleep
that period of time i was having many sleepless nights
so i resort to listening to slow songs to put me to sleep
which incidentally meant many of jay's songs from his november's chopin
the album which brought back lots of memories
unknowingly as the songs played on n on
i couldnt kept my mind off him...
n tears started forming in my eyes
that night i missed him...so much
as though i was brought back to that period of time when i couldnt forget about him
subsequently the nights after that i had dreams about him
sweet ones in fact...

and now...i feel sad...
i dono why...
im quite sure im over him...
long long ago in fact...
i felt nothing anymore
the feeling's gone...disappeared to a corner of my heart
just that...maybe it just suddenly surfaced for no reason
lolx...i've been too lonely nowadays maybe
it's been quite a while since i've had anyone close to talk to
oh well...

!!!
it's 4am...n i have a test at 10am
great...i will be so...dead tmr =/
good night~

programming PE

2008-04-05T23:00:00.002+08:00

Dear bloggie,
Today was a busy and tiring day... =(
but nonetheless satisfying...

this whole day was about cs >.<"
computer science mind u...how i wish it was counter strike =.=
morning i had practical exam for cs....
oh god...i had shivers the night before
that's because i havent done any preparation prior to the PE
i was so busy i only started looking through my notes the night before
then when i was staring at it hopelessly...
wishing that it would at least increase my knowledge n skills by abit
it was to no avail
i ended up feeling even more hopeless than before i started revising
my lecturer's right u know....to prepare for this it's not a 1 day thing where u can study
it's about practice n thinking n skills...
the practice on past year papers didnt help either =.=
a 2 hour n 30 mins paper with 2 questions of increasing difficulty
q1 we're supposed to do within 1 hour...i ended up spending 3 hours working on it!!!
q2 no need to say...i dont even know how to start
i kept gaping at the question hopelessly...
by the end of 4 hours i was still stuck at where i left when i started...
with that...i concluded that i am going to fare badly during the PE today =.=
i had no hopes that i will pass u know...
more like mentally preparing myself that i wont be able to do anything then
n just hope that i wont get a 0 =/

but....but....
omg i'm so lucky today! XD
although i won't say that i m confident i did well
i would say that it's not as bad as i expected... =)
i walked in the programming lab with diminished hopes...
when i sat down n read the 1st question...
it was actually quite straightforward...
but my mind's sooo set on the question being hard
that my brain n the question r not on the same wavelength =.=
like...my brain kept thinking it's hard when my eyes r telling me it's not?
ok...crappy example i know =/
but the sad thing was both questions today were on object-oriented programming
esh..my worst part...
i dont get the concept quite well u see....n then i only did it once
n that's somemore my tutor practically gave us the skeleton code
i was progressing for the 1st ques...until the last part
n i realize i ran out of time n i ought to start on the 2nd ques...
kept giving myself extra 5 more mins hoping i would solve it in time
but...sigh...gave up at last...
then i moved on to question 2 thinking it was a killer ques that i wouldnt be able to write more than 10 lines of code =.=
u know the sliding puzzle with pictures that we play during childhood
we had to shuffle the puzzle n let the user play...
well...it was more complicated than the 1st 1...
but i was more comfortable doing it @@"
prolly too much training from sudoku n magic squares n mastermind
when i finished the ques i was so happy i kept testing my program
n grinning that it worked!
where i neglected that i was losing time...with the clock ticking away...
then i moved back to question 1...
i would have gotten it...if i had more time =(
although i kept telling myself that i did my best already...
the perfectionist in me...ok more like kiasuness in me...wanted to make the code perfect =/
i left question 1 there hanging =(
then it was all over...

i was glad actually...glad that i managed to at least squeeze out some codes
n that it's not as hard as i thought =)
that i understood n could start writing...
oh well...it's over now...im so relieved~
after that i had cs lecture from 2 to 5 =.="
when it was done i was soooo tired that i had heavy headaches
practically fell asleep as soon as i hug my bolster =P
n i just woke up!
what a saturday....
n to think that i have stats ca on monday
which i ought to go study now....
it's not over u know....it's a busy busy week ahead...
i must be strong! =(

一厢情愿

2008-04-03T21:38:00.003+08:00

dear bloggie,
it's thursday again...time for that weekly update of that certain someone =D
actually...i dont know why i chosen that title...
just felt like putting it there for no reason?
or is it indicating something?

today i'm a good girl u know...went for all the classes LOL
well...i've been skipping most of the stats lecture nowadays u see =X
although im dead tired...i still went
this resulted in me nodding off by 12pm at SS lecture
n subsequently almost fell asleep during japanese lecture
too tired larh =(
dont know why...nowadays my body not strong enough
dont have the energy i used to have a few months back
where i can survive with only 3 hours of sleep at night
n still feel energetic n can pay attention for the whole day the next day...

i shall skip the boring bits....fast forward to the tutorial eh?
so i walked through the door n see him by the table...again
but this time my heart didnt skip a beat LOL
i was sitting there wondering...what is it about him that attracts me?
he's not that handsome...just okay looking by normal standard
very normal...if he were walking on the street i prolly wouldnt look at him
nah...i had the whole class to think about it
n as the class progressed...i slowly liked him again!
actually...in time scale...that was about..5 mins?
in 5 mins time i found back the feeling again LOL
he's just cute =)
his personality n cheerfulness n energy more like?
today...i was sitting there thinking...will he call me out to perform?
as usual lah...whenever he chooses ppl my heart will be beating
got a feeling he noticed me today ya know?
n i was not wrong! =)
the 1st person he chose was me...again!
ok lah~ that doesnt mean anything i know =.=
just let me assume to make me happy lor? lol
he was holding this invitation card...
i was looking down that time...then i suddenly felt a shadow over me...
then i looked up straight into his eyes... O.o so sweet~
*not that romantic actually...exaggerating tsk tsk...shhh~ dont spoil*
then he handed it over to me n started the conversation
i didnt know what to say...cuz the conversation was not in the book
so i just asked whatever i thought of...
it was about him inviting me for his birthday party the next day
i was SO BLUR i kept screwing up...
he kept asking me...can go?
then i saw the schedule on the board wrongly...so i said...err.....errr....dont think so...
then with full of disappointment on his face he said...har? cannot? whyyy?? =(
this time im not exaggerating =P
really...1 second ago he was smiling n excited n his face full of hope
then after i said that there was this smiley on his face =(
see...that's the thing i like about him...so cute~!
but arh....the conversation proceeded until a point where he said his party has got no food
n we need to prepare...this girl said her cooking skills r bad
well...mine is not...that bad...actually...?
but i really dont know how to continue the conversation except following suit...
i mean...if i said i know then wat? =.="
he was like.....'a re???' quite shocked look on his face...
like quite disappointed that i cannot cook?
then straight away 'ok sayounara' *waves*
-_-"
lol...i was thinking...he would like a girl who cooks well huh?
i think too much....

erm...so then....like that lor...
was quite sad after that actually >.<"
he didnt call me out after that...while the girl beside me got called 3 times =(
like...noticed me at the start of the class...
then totally ignored me for the rest of the class...
can stand in front of me n look around without looking at me =.="
but i was determined not to let that spoil my chance!
i have only 2 more classes to see him =(
so sad rite? T.T
i was pretty er....moody after the class actually
not because of him lah...prolly just tired...
very very tired....somemore when i think of the 2 tests coming up
really can faint~
oh yah...i got back my japanese mid term paper today...
by right i should be happy....
was quite shock when i got my paper
cuz i was quite worried before that seeing my neighbours all just passed =/
i didnt do too badly in fact
but i just didnt feel happy for it...
just...ohh~ i see....

i dono...finals coming pretty soon
less than a month ~.~
n i dont think im prepared for it...
before that...
i have programming practical exam this saturday~ god help me......
20%...n i'm quite sure i'll panic like hell
with all those ppl around me typing away like mad...
which will result in me not thinking straight
that means actually can do at home 1 also cannot do already
means i'll flunk it...
which means i'll die
n then i wont have the mood to study for stats CA this coming monday
after all the lectures i skipped...n i havent studied much for it
n that i dont understand...very blur
which will result in me throwing away 25% for stats...
shiet...

ok i shall not be negative...
although i m so tired i can go sleep right now
i must jia you~ ganbatte ne? =(

broken heart

2008-03-27T19:49:00.004+08:00

dear bloggie...
i'm sad =(

i started the day with much anticipation...
that's cuz today's thursday! when i finally get to see him again...
a tired tired day...i was nodding off during japanese lecture...
after that i went for the tutorial with my heart skipping faster than usual
when i opened the door n saw him there...
my heart melted...
he looked so cute!!
i couldnt stop thinking 'omg omg omg...so cute...very cute!!' in my head
today he was different
normally he would wear a short sleeve button shirt with long pants n sport shoes
but today....his dressing style was totally my type
as in...i like guys who dress like that...very cool
he was wearing a 3-quarter long sleeve shirt...not that loose...
so his broad shoulders n nice body kinda showed =X
n he pulled his sleeve till his elbow...very smart looking!
eee....he looked so young n cute n shuai~! *hearts <3*
plus today his hair was at the correct length...he looked so ハンサムよ
in the class...i couldnt help but notice the way he leant on the wall with his hands in his pocket
the way he walked across the class with his hands in the back pocket
so very....yeng...
looked much younger and cuter than usual
gosh...i have the hots for this type of guys *blush*
couldnt take my eyes off him =P
somemore the time when he leant across the table to face us
smiled, tilted his head n said 'ね'
omg! so cute......!!
i know i said this many many times already...
but i couldnt help it....
he just has this ability to can make me...hyper n happy
n suddenly all the tiredness in my body gone...
god knows where all the energy came from suddenly
i like myself best when im in that class with him
i felt so...pure n unpretentious n genuinely happy
i really enjoy myself =)

there was this part where he was asking one of the girls bout what sports she play
she said jogging...n he said...me too! =)
then the conversation kinda ended
suddenly out of the blue the girl said
'いっしょにいかがですか'
@@"...the whole class started laughing
n he was shocked initially...
this girl was asking him out!!
i was hoping...say cannot...cannot k? >.<"
'ええ、いいですね。いつですか'
SOB!!
we kept laughing all the way...
the conversation was quite cute...
but in the end he couldnt i was like...wee~
lolx although i know it's not real but...
seeing the girl so brave...really pui fok lolx...
he was super cute!
then there was this part where we were talking bout a japanese band...
they were saying the guys from the band r very handsome
then he said '私もハンサムですね'
LOL....
the class started *cough cough...*
so cute larh him...
his antics just make me smile =)

but today...i left the class with a broken heart =(
he was making conversations with us...
at some point of time they were talking about stuffs
n he said he didnt have tv at home
'ほんとですか'
'ほんとですよ。お金がありませんから'
'テレビがありません、おかねがありません'
i was enjoying the conversation up till now...thinking how cute he was talking japanese
how he was relating to us about his personal life
about his house...!! his house...
n then he said something that made my heart stop...
'でも、だいじょうぶですね。あいがありますから'
'noo...that couldnt be what he meant...i must have heard wrong...i dont believe it'
'nono...cannot be....he meant something else...'
even though i know that he's not single...but i was in denial mar =/
he didnt admit means still not confirmed?
i guess everyone didnt catch his sentence as all were whispering around
only im in shock staring at him with eyes wide open
he was smiling n saying 'あいですよ'
they still....har?
then he walked to the whiteboard...and wrote 愛
the moment he wrote down the 1st stroke of the kanji
my heart shattered into a million pieces...
i couldnt believe it...he admitted it! that was the last straw! T.T
i was so...sad all of the sudden....all the happiness just evaporated
in that moment the world stopped...time stopped
all i could feel or hear was my heart breaking
my friend who was asking me bout wat he meant had to repeat herself a few times
before i finally woke up from the shock
she still didnt get it
so i tried to explain...
mumbled nonsense for a few seconds before i finally got the courage to said
'he said he has love'
'har? wat u mean? u mean he doesnt need a tv because he has love?'
by that time the class was quiet...n all were listening in to our conversation =.="
'err...i guess so...' *steals a glance at him*
he was nodding n smiling!!! T.T
'that sounds so wrong...'
*more whispers*
=(
but i didnt care how wrong it sounded...
cuz one way or the other it shattered my heart =(

after that the whole time i was in a daze...
i no longer smiled...
instead the tiredness and emoness finally struggled free from the happy spell he cast upon me
my eyes were fixed on the floor...staring into void
couldnt bring myself to look at him
he looked so happy...so 幸福
n when he looked at me sometimes
i just held the gaze for 1 second before quickly looking down
in my heart i couldnt help but think 'omg so shuai'
then when reality settled in...'why look at me wor...u have love already =('
i really wanted to believe that he was looking at me
but i think too much obviously =.=
i was happy for a moment when he remembered my name!
he remembered most ppl's name...
as he was able to call them out by name
but when he asked me to perform the dialogue he never once said my name
just 'お願いします'
then that time this guy needed to start the conversation with my name
so he asked 'お名前は'
i was struggling for word when i heard my name...from him!
he does know! =)
oh well...that doesnt mean anything...does it?

today i was already in a depressing mood...
after the class i was even more depressed...
started showing signs of....unstableness?
i was at the biz school bus stop...
usually i'll take A1 back which'll take me around 5 mins...very near
but instead i had this sudden impulse to board the bus which goes the opposite direction
which means turning 1 big round through my uni before going back...20mins?
i dunno...i just felt...i dunno
sigh...
2 more weeks before the tutorial ends...i have only 2 more chances to see him
i shall appreciate it...lolx =)

im tired...
i shall end with a song lyric...
written by this cute talented guy 陈志豪 for someone to give it to someone
i like the song alot =)
some sentences i can really connect with see...
not all...mind u...
just some sentences that spoke my heart out

溜然你的美　落花在我心田
只要想到你　就没有了自己
自从遇见你　我就少根筋
只要想到你　就没有了自己
这意外来得太意外　还没作好准备
总会一个眼神就让我　失去节奏
从没想过　你会闯进我生活
打乱我心跳节奏　让我不由自主地失魂落魄从此没了tempo
要把你拥入怀中　享受幸福的以后
就算慢半拍　爱心甘情愿为你守

sleep deprived

2008-03-26T06:06:00.003+08:00

ughhh...
i cant sleep!
i tried...believe me i tried...
was twisting n turning around for 2 hours
dam frustrated to know that im racing against time to get my precious sleep
finally gave up...
what's the point...i have to be awake in less than a hour's time now
so by the time i can fall asleep i'd have to wake up already
that'd make me even grumpier

but i'm so...blur n tired n dizzy now!!
signs of auto-piloting r very imminent... =/
think i'd be auto-piloting all the way through tutorial later bah =(
lucky i only had 1 class today...
but i have to run alot of places today~
hope time'll pass in a daze today so i can faster come back to sleep...

anyway...since thursday's coming...
n that i can see him pretty soon... =D
i was thinking that last last thursday i didnt post about him...
well...wasn't in the mood...n my finger's hurt see...
but that day was sweet...
even though i cant remember that much after 2 weeks...
that day my finger's bandaged up like a sausage =(
very aesthetically unpleasing...
n then so suey just before the tutorial my eye started swelling n becoming redder by the minute
arr....so sad rite!
but i remember 1 thing though...
when i walked into the classroom he looked up n sneezed >.<"
n then he looked so miserable...like how i felt when i kept sneezing non stop
he was sick i think...poor him *sayangs head* LOL
but right after i sat down at my seat i just kept my head down most of the times...
my eye's hideous! it's red n swollen n scaryyy....
even though i would very much like to not waste time n see as much of him as i can
cuz i only get to see him only 1 hour in every 168hours week =(
i just couldnt let him see me with that...
so i kept my head down...
n when he made us laugh or wat...
sob...so sad the feeling...
i wanna look at him n laugh together with everyone...
but i just cant...
he must be thinking y m i so mean? =/
u know wat...
everytime when i want him to notice me he didnt
yet on that day i just wanna be invisible
he just didnt wanna ignore me like he did like the other times =.=
when he was to choose the 1st person to perform the dialouge...
the 1st person he chose was me...without a doubt
just...walked straight in front of me to hand me the paper without looking around thinking who to ask =.=
i was thinking 'no...oh no u dont...dont walk here...choose other ppl...shooo....nuuu~~'
my head was looking down somemore...trying to ignore him when he was walking towards me
but that clearly didnt work =.=
i remembered that day he called me out pretty often somemore...
i kept trying to avoid his glance...but eeshh...
my hideous eye...seen by everyone now...especially him =(
how would he think of me now? sobb...
dont know how many times have i embarrassed myself ady...
i really couldnt think of one class with him that's peaceful n nothing funny happened
eesh....
n i dont get to see him much ady =(
3 more classes left...
sigh...
i'll miss his class...

its....6:32 now
1 more hour...what to do ler?
T.T

functional again

2008-03-25T02:30:00.004+08:00

Dear bloggie...
im supposed to be in bed now....
whole day tomorrow starting from 9...
oh well...dont think i can sleep anyway

today...finally my finger is reborned!!
*what a weird word to use...=S*
lolx...at last the bandage for my finger is off....
i felt so....free~!!
for the past 2 weeks my poor finger's in that bandage...
n during that time my left hand felt so useless =.=
i cant do much with it...
plus im having real difficulties taking bath...
have to avoid water on it see... =X
really felt like...arrghh....very useless without that finger
but then...finally when i resumed full use of my finger today
i forgot how to use it =.="
zhar dou...
i've been quite used to it that i kinda forgot my past routines lolx...
well...training bach now...must be patient
although...i still feel wary of using it...
psychological problem? >.<"

about my finger...
i went to see the doctor again today =)
not that im happy to pay $50 for the nurse to undress my bandage...
n then for him to touch my finger for a few secs n that's it =.="
i was so happy to see my finger!
havent seen it for quite a while already LOL
my skin healed quite fast...was surprised to see no scar i think =D
but the sensation on my finger felt different...
i dunno...i suppose it's healed pretty much now
but when he kept touching my finger asking how does it feel
i was like 'errr.......'
no splinter pain! =D maybe i expect to feel pain...
cuz that day when it happened n i saw so many splinters inside
i was really worried that i wont ever get it out >.<"
the future for my finger looked so bleak...
n during the surgery it felt like...i'm going to have to do this for a long long time
that it wouldnt heal so fast...
then when i saw my poor finger today...not much pain
i was...happy!!!!
i was so grateful to the doctor then...
couldnt stop smiling =D
well...albeit the pain n suffer i had to go through
he did manage to extract most of it...plus he left no scar on my finger
not to mention that he's a nice n sweet person =P
ok im gonna stop now...or else u all r gonna start again =/
im just glad that my finger's healed now see...

the whole day i was playing with my finger...
not so much playing with...
more like...err...wanna confirm that there's really no more splinters inside
well...there were times when i felt sharp pain inside
i was really afraid that there are some leftovers inside
turns out that im not wrong =(
there was still some on my wound >.<"
i wonder why...
prolly it was too deep inside that day...n it didnt show
maybe it's been trying to...er...float out the past week LOL
i spent 20 mins plucking 1 out!!!
when i finally got it...yesss!!!
quite err...syok actually =P
u know that kind of feeling when u finally accomplished something?
the sense of achievement that i managed to heal the pain in my finger?
anyway...that's that i think...
quite sure there's no more inside...i hope? >.<"
just that my finger looks very thin...malnutrition i guess? lol
n swollen at the bottom...that anaesthetic shot still hurts!
its been bruising for 2 weeks already =(

but...im glad its over =)
the doc was like
'dont come back n see me again ah...'
'dont go n cut ur finger on 1 of those things again ok...'
'good luck'
lolx....wat larhhh...

2 days of torture

2008-03-18T21:03:00.003+08:00

Dear bloggie,
the past 2 days were....hell...
its like i've been to hell n back again
i've experienced pain like never before...

ok...yesterday...i went to the specialist
i was hoping that he would know what to do...
unlike the 1st MO i got...totally clueless...
n i reckon it's because of the wrong way she treated me that i had to go for surgery
well...she literally crushed the fibres inside my finger my handling roughly
n simply pulling it n crushing it... =.=
so i went to see the hand specialist...
who suggested that we use magnifying glass to see properly...
finally~~!!! a doctor that at least knows what he's dealing with...
he had this magnifying glasses that he wears...to inspect the wound
n he used mainly a needle to extract those things out...
so he said
'i wont give u anaesthetic shot...no use lah...u cannot feel the pain...i cannot see where oso...'
i agreeeee....unlike the 1st doc...gimme shot ady dono wat to do *tsk tsk*
although i dint know how much pain i was putting myself in
but that's inevitable rite..
he needed me to tell where the pain is so he can find...
so off we went...
him poking my finger with a needle...until i screamed....
then he looked for it in that area...
it worked u know...although dam pain >.<"
i can tell exactly where the spot is...even how tiny the fibres are...
*poke poke* 'here?'
'nothing there'
*poke poke* 'here...?'
'errr...move left abit...nono down...yes yes...there abit...AHHHH~!!!!'
we were amazed...no matter how small the fibre is...
although he cant see...i can tell exactly where it was @@"
he managed to extract alot...
1 hour past n we were still at it...
god...the pain...i had to endure it for an hour...
imagine ppl poking with a needle...
that hurt enough already...
what more with a splinter inside...that sharp unbearable pain
the nurses were all like...@@" never see this kind of case before...
after an hour my finger was bleeding already...
he really couldnt see anything anymore...
his eyes also spinning ady =.=
but i still felt some inside...
so he said
'i think this is not effective enough...we need to do a surgery'
'......'
'cant see anything anymore...i need the microscope from the operation theatre...then we can see better...'
'......'
as much as i didnt want to...i had to take the damn splinters out...
so...i had to go for surgery...today

i woke up early in the morning to register...
$1k for the surgery!!! @@"
although the doc was quite good lah...
he kept making sure that the uni was paying for everything...
i dont like to go for surgeries alone u see...
after the 1st time i been through it alone...quite depressing =(
but this time...my friends surprised me!!!! =.=
told them not to come ady...
but they were so sweet~ thanx alot =)
anyway...i was having a problem before i went in the operation theatre
im under 21...need consent...
i was thinking bout it too...how come nobody asked me bout it...
right before i went in only they ask me to find...
so last min...how to find jek~! my uncle somemore flying....
wanted to ask my friend to sign...but think like cannot
but they let me in anyway...n see how
my doc very funny lolx...
i was at the OT reception waiting...all done up nicely...
then the nurses all very kancheong...'faster page dr....say we're ready'
'page dr...page him quick'
then he walked here casually...already dressed up...
'im already inside the OT...keep paging me for wat'
LOL
then he came to me n said...'no guardian to sign for u ah?'
'en... >.<"'
'ok lah i be ur uncle...sign for u...'
@@" (including the nurses)
'u dont mind rite? u also want those things removed hor? after we worked so hard yesterday...'
*nods nods*
lol...so nice of him
so i went in...i thought it would be like the day before...
but it was a full fledged surgery...
where i had to strap into the bed n lie there...with safety monitors etc...
then there's this thing where they cover my head n all that so i couldnt see...
@@" that time i had stomach pain...very pain in fact
i was thinking...oh god...not this time...i cannot deal with 2 pains at once >.<"
well....i had to go through it...
they had this huge microscope thingy focused on my finger like those on tv
where 2 ppl c...
well...he asked me whether i need anaesthetic anot...
i...really wanted not to feel the pain...but i need to tell him where r those damn things
so i said...its ok i can take it >.<
'brave girl...'
dono im brave or dumb now... T.T
if i thought that the pain i felt the day before was excrutiating enough...
boy was i in for a real torture...=/
the procedure was about the same...
just that time time i couldnt see...n i was strapped to the bed...
so he started picking n asking me where is the pain...
this time it hurt alot more...
i think the fibres left inside were super tiny...microscopic
he called this his 1st surgery removing microscopic foreign bodies...@@"
im his 1st case...though i think he did quite a good job...
this time i screamed in agony for almost the whole time
those damn things were sooo small they could hardly make it out through the microscope
need 2 ppl to observe n find somemore...
n some of them sooo deep
that the doc had to peel off the outer layer of my skin
n cut deep inside to dig it out...!!!
i think they were fascinated seeing it for the 1st time u know
could here them say...
'omg....so small...no colour somemore...how to see???'
'i saw 1 i saw 1!!!! so tiny even in the microscope!!'
after half an hour in agony n squirming in the bed
my cap was falling off...hair all over me...n sweating ady...
god...the pain....
i think some nurses couldnt bear seeing me in so much pain
they asked again whether i need anaesthetic anot...
if it's unbearable...
it is... >.<" but i still can!!!!!!!
'brave girl...she's a brave girl rite?'
heheh.....make me kembang =P
although i dono they said it just to make me feel better
or they really meant it? 0.o
after 1 hour of digging around in my skin...
i think most of it came out...just some super tiny 1 that really dono how to take out
god i can feel u know when those things were taken out
it's like a sharp needle lifted off my finger...
although i was determined to take everything out
he was like...'i think that's enough for today...u've been through enough torture...'
god yes....
being 100% concious in the surgery...aware of everything happening
the worse part is to feel the pain...every second of it
tormenting....really
i felt like i was in some war camp...where they caught me as a spy
then tortured me for information =/
after that i really felt like i overworked my body ady...especially my nerves n brain =.=
finally....it was all over...
i am so...glad
just wanted to lie down n sleep n rest then....
came out looking like some soh poh...=.=
hair dam messed up...sweaty...looking like i had the fright of my life...
at least it was over...

really really want to thank my doctor so so much....
if it weren't for him i think i would be still hurting from those splinters...
n he's a nice doctor! really nice...... =)
a very good n patient doctor as well...
really glad i got him...

alright...that's the story...
quite long hor? >.<"
but i wanna record down so i can read next time...
actually i shouldnt be using my finger now...
somemore typing alot =/
notti me....
but i'm relieved.....finally...

painful...painful experience

2008-03-16T21:48:00.003+08:00

Bloggie...
I missed last thursday's post...
that's cuz my hand was still hurting...
and is still...but i feel like blogging this out now...

u see...last tuesday something terrible happened...
*wince >.<"* i do not wish to recall it...
but...oh well
that night i had a meeting...n we were setting up banners n stuffs for an event the next day
so i was fixing this plastic rod thingy to hang the banner
n the end of it was chipped off...
i over exert the strength n it grazed across my finger...
it didnt hurt....i just screamed n ran to the toilet
when i closely examined...
i realized there was a trail of splinters.....
very very fine....transparent...n LOTS of it
1 whole row of splinters on my finger...
n i started panicking...
as with most splinters...it didnt hurt as much if i left it alone
but when i touched it...oh god...the pain

to cut the long story short...
i went to the hospital...cuz there was no way to take out 30+ minuscule splinters by myself
what more that i couldnt see some that were buried deep within my finger
i had to pay $80 for A&E!!! 80 bucks....geeezz...
i was there at around 830pm...
waited around 1 hour before i was attended to...
needless to say...the doctor couldnt see them...
but kept touching it...i kept yelping of cuz =.=
so she sent me off the do an xray of my fingers...
doubt that would work then...cuz it was super tiny
well...it didnt...but around 11+ pm i was sent to the public ward...
where lots of other patients were lying down in agony? =.=
well.....that was where i....oh god...
she said she would give me an injection from the bottom of my finger upwards...
n try to push the splinters out...... ?????
that time i was too tired of waiting n tired of those darn things stuck in my finger
that i just didnt give a damn...
she started using tweezers to pluck those splinters out...
ouch....not gentle at all =/
i was really in pain that time...then she had no choice but to give me that injection
so i asked....
'does it hurt?'
'yes...it hurts alot...but just bear with it...'
!!!!!!
seriously...it hurt like hell!!!
the needle was wayy thicker than normal needles
n she poked at the bottom of my index finger...at my palm
n push in upwards n inwards towards my finger.....
around 4cm of needle deep inside my finger...
like....just next to my bone?
urgh...n when she pushed the liquid in...
oh god...the 1st time i felt such sensation...
i can actually feel the liquid flowing out of the needle into my tissue
like...i really dono how to explain
its like...inside my finger i feel liquid filling up every area inside...
oh gosh...
1 time was bad enough....she took it out i was quite relieved
then she injected again....!!!
this time the other side...
i was....screaming in pain...ok not screaming...but making noise?
2 anaesthetic shots...into my finger....
that was...the most...painful....injection...ever...
n after that my finger swelled up like a balloon see...
she left me for a while for my finger to turn numb
n when she returned...she just touched abit....feeling the splinters inside
n cut abit of my skin out to take out...
then she said
'i think i'll just have to leave it alone to heal...'
!!!!!!
wth~! gave me 2 anaesthetic shots n just never do anything....
i can still FEEL those things inside ok...
i would rather i get everything done that night
since i was already in pain...might as well feel the rest of the pain while im at it

sigh...after that i got another injection...tetanus shot
on the same arm...
my arm felt totally...paralyzed that night =.=
sigh....got painkiller...n she bandaged my arm
right now its still bandaged...
but i doubt it's healing though...
cuz i can still feel the pain now n then
i really dont think splinters will just come out like that
from past experiences...it will just go in deeper....
oh god...
by the time i was done it was almost 1am in the morning =.=
n i had to walk back alone from the hospital to my place...
no bus see...n it's quite wasting to take taxi...
not that far...just that...dangerous?
but by that time i really dont give a damn anymore...sigh

tmr...i need to go back to the specialist...
either tmr or weds...i also dono when...
the fella who called me abit blur...
but if it's tmr...
i am....scared T.T
part of me wants it to be done quickly...
get it over with...
no matter what also get those darn things out...
but i really wonder how r they gona take it out
it's....transparent...n it's so fine u really gotta focus ur eye properly to see it
otherwise it just escapes from ur vision...
but i dont want to get another anaesthetic shot...
no....it hurts alot alot...
n my previous one hadnt even healed yet...
what with the blood clot underneath...still bruising
but i cant just live with this forever can i?
i still need to...go through it...

u know what i was thinking that night in the hospital alone...
when she gave me 2 shots which i have no one to hold on to
it felt like that day when i went for operation alone
facing the pain alone...with no one to turn to
i didnt feel as sad this time...
just....funny...?
i dont know...it would be nice if there are ppl who really cared...
whom i can cry to when i really feel pain
but some ppl just dont understand
they can just....be so insensitive n just joke about my finger and my pain
im really sorry for saying this...but just f*** off ok....
if u dont understand the pain i gone through...just shut up
just be in my shoes n u will understand how it feels
n then just have someone joke in ur face n see how that makes u feel
i dont get how some ppl r like that
just because u cannot see the injury....that it doesnt register to u as serious
u can just.....make fun of it...
if only u knew....
i wouldnt be so bad as to hope u get it some day then u'll understand
but i just hope u realize some day...

u know how it feels? to be going through operation alone
that was years ago then...
to feel the pain n then ppl think that its a joke that i injured myself
its a joke that i have to endure 3 injections a day...
to have ppl just slicing my skin n pulling it out
that its a joke that i have to go to a surgery clinic tmr...
yeah....just piss off n leave me alone if u wanna make fun of me ok

sorry i didnt mean to direct this to anyone...
especially when i keep using the word 'u'
but i just wanna let it out...

past

2008-03-10T22:33:00.003+08:00

dear bloggie...
i seem to be reverting back to my old self again
where...
tears flood my eyes every night
sigh...
i get this feeling again...
that feeling that i dont like...
maybe my life is fated to be this way
i cant escape from it?
im fine......
its just that i need time to get use to it
its gonna be hard
but if i m still here now
means i didnt do that badly last time did i?
im just...sad

of programming and anime

2008-03-09T14:15:00.002+08:00

Hello,
I was supposed to post this yesterday night...
when my hands are itching to type the emotions gushing out of me?
*sounds funny...sweat*
but blogger was down...so...had to postpone til now
therefore the post was based on last night yah~

yesterday, i had my programming mid-term exam...
the thing was...during recess week i paid more attention to statistics...
which resulted in me only started studying for programming like...the night before?
n that also not really study...watching animes most of the time =.="
sigh...cuz i had the feeling that...
with programming it's not about studying last minute u see...
although it's open book we need to like...understand?
so...i braved myself to the battlefield...
where i...fared miserably...~.~
very hard....!!! T.T
the question really wants us to think....
there were questions where i spent 30 mins thinking...
in the end when the solution suddenly popped up, it only took up 3 lines of code?
argh...dont want think bout it ady...

right after that...i was rushing my programming lab assignment
i have this every week see...
it was out the week before...n due like...today!
n i only started like...yesterday? =/
cannot say i lazy larh! =(
im more like....afraid to face it >.<"
everytime i open the website n read the assignment
i get panic attacks...like so
'oh god...why does this sound so difficult? how to do?!?! how?!?!?! i dono anything!!!!! T.T'
so i will just leave it aside first...until last min
that was why last night i didnt go out with my friends! T.T
n i was rushing the lab from at night til 5am in the morning =.=
n this morning i woke up at 7am n am awake since then...

n oh...anime! i started watching back Ragnarok the Animation recently... =D
i watched before a few years back...
it's bout the only anime that i liked...
i dont like other animes i dono why =/
maybe i can relate to RO that's y?
when i first started watching back few weeks back...
it feels so....nostalgic!!!!
seeing the cute jobs and those monsters and how they form parties to fight...
really brings back lots of memories...makes me wanna play again! =(
last night i finished the whole series...
n i started crying from the last episode...
which lasted the whole night...even in bed =/
i cried like how i cried for L >.<"
very sad larh the last part........!!!
so sad.....iruga died!! T.T
he was so cool n yeng!!!!
i knew how it was gonna end...but that still made me sad...
he died...sacrified himself to help his best friend...
why? cant believe he was gone...just like that
leaving judia behind...her name as his last word T.T
sob.... T.T
gosh...i got soft spots for cute guys who sacrificed themselves =/
i will miss iruga =(
this makes me wanna play back ro...although...i dont fancy playing the current version
i wanna go back to long long time ago when i first played...
when most things are innocent n no bots or politics or fights or issues etc...
just pure...fun =D
travel with party...fight monsters together...die together...train everyday...
lolx...
watching the anime felt just like that =)
sigh...

anyway...y m i still awake?
because today i have to stay up from 8am to 8pm to take temperatures
at every 2 hour interval! =(
for my singapore studies project...
dumb....very the dumb...........
such hassle....eesshhh...
i dont care ady...simply do only
my head is splitting open right now
not enough sleep 1 thing....
programming another thing....cracked my head beyond its limits
think until my brain cells die alot ady....=/
sigh....
what to do now lerh?

^_^

2008-03-06T19:56:00.003+08:00

Dear bloggie...
seems like every thursday i will update =/
hehe ^_^
well...i wanna keep it somewhere so i can read back mar...

today is...heheh...the day i see him again =)
funny u know...i was just telling my friend yesterday
'i dont like him ady larh...'
'eh? why not?'
'dont like ady...wanna change target jor...'
'u sure anot? i tot u crazy about him 1'
'nolah no more ady...very sure...'
=.="
but by the time i walked into the classroom seeing him there
my heart skipped a beat...
as much as i tried telling myself that i dont like him anymore
my heart just skipped faster everytime he came near me
n unconciously smiled whenever he smiled =/
there's a routine ya know...
thursday it'll start...n will last for a few days...
then around monday the next week it'll start to fade...
then by wednesday im convinced that i dont like him anymore
but come thursday....gosh... i cant resist
*sounds bit wrong >.<"*

i shall start about this morning...my 1st mid term!
ahh...dont like...so-so...dont care anymore
then soo happy my SS lecture cancelled...get to come back n sleep!
4pm i went for japanese lecture...
as usual....very cranky mood due to insufficient sleep
but today's lecture was funny! =D
we were learning about this adjective - すてき...meaning nice, wonderful....
then my lecturer was like...this is a very important word in ur life...
u must must remember this word....cuz it will help u find The One...
it can be a very useful opening phrase leading to other things...
then we were like =.="
why everytime also say about finding a life partner 1......
then she said...
maybe one day u suddenly see this man on the street...
then u feel that he's The One...so u go up to him n say
"すみません、そのhairstyleはすてきですね!"
"ああ、ありがとうございます。"
"じゃ、昼ごはんを食べましょう。"
"ええ、いいですね！"
n then u can get to know the guy n be with him...
LOL...wat larhhhh...
if life is that innocent... =.="
i think it would be more like...
"excuse me, ur hairstyle is nice!"
"....... errr...uh huh"
"come lets go have lunch together"
"err...do i know u? i think u got the wrong person...sorry...bye"
*runs away*
lolx...
n then there was this sentence on the lecture handout that says
he is handsome.
in my heart i was like...yes yes!!!!!
almost uttered out "はい、いいです。"
lucky i didnt make a fool of myself...
the whole lecture theater was like...
"errr...."
"uhhh....."
"yes?"
then she said..."nooo???? u dont think he is handsome?? i can hear the hesitation in ur voices"
=.="
nahh...i would like to think more like...
the girls r shy.....=D
heh...then when the lecture ended i was soo excited to go to tutorial...

finally...i get to see him after so long =/
actually nothing much happened...
just the usual...
him being cute n funny n all that... =P
im sure i already mentioned that dono how many times in the previous posts
I almost made a fool of myself AGAIN!
couldnt control my laughter...AGAIN
i dont know why i feel gigglish in front of him
every action he does can make me laugh
then i was trying to surpress a laugh...
n some funny gargle sound came out
he was beside me
oh god.....
sigh....normal ady =.=" keep embarrassing myself nia =(
anyway...today he's super cute again!
he arh...very funny 1...
i say 1st...i like to watch ppl arh...dont call me stalker
its in my nature to be...observant? =/
the whole hour i dont see him like...in a bad mood or wat b4
he always puts his whole attention on us
n when he rests or erm...stone rite
he will still have that cute boyish smile on his face! XD
well today he was showing us the conversation
n he acted as a small boy! omg! so cute~!
可愛いですね!!!!!
n oh....
i always stare at him... >.<"
ehh not that i can NOT stare at him rite...
everyone's supposed to be paying attention at him!
so...nothing wrong wat?
but then i dono...
i always stare at him when he's talking or doing stuffs
so that i can enjoy silently from the side?
but then sometimes he caught me staring at him
n that second when our eyes met...
god...i think my heart melted
its different how he stared back...
the cute boyish glint from his eyes all gone...
replaced by a kind of...serious...kind...understanding...mature look?
like in that split second he stared into my heart n shared my feelings... >.<"

OK i know im being abit...weird here
maybe i should just go write a romance novel or something LOL
i am just entertaining myself here ok!
so every thursday when u read the sequel to this him...
just treat it as a story...
haha...my life is boring!
so cant a girl entertain herself by dreaming?
oh...but those events are real!
just that...maybe i added some stuff to spice it up =P
heheh....till next week then ^_^

random

2008-03-04T00:31:00.002+08:00

hello...
just felt like blogging...although i dont have anything to blog about

behold...the emoness looms above me again
i guess...i dont know
im not supposed to feel lonely
supposed to keep myself busy
by studying for my mid term tests
yet this few days i couldnt concentrate
i was doing quite a good job i guess? up til now...
i dont want to be emo n complain n whine bout stuffs
but this is the only place i can do so
so if u have any opinions on this just go away n stop reading ok?
i am not giving anyone any trouble...nobody's asking u to read

ok i dont know y m i getting so uptight >.<"
i guess im just tired...
another thing im tired...i dont wanna try anymore
maybe i think too much too
its tiring to keep guessing how other ppl r feeling
n to try to pretend n act around that
i just dont wanna give a damn anymore
can i just be me?
i doubt anyone would wanna come near me after that
sigh...
i dont know...really sick n tired of everything
i dont know why i mind so much too
but doesnt anyone think of me?
i guess not...
ppl prolly see me as....wat they see
but if anyone is observant enough...the difference is there
right in front of their eyes...very obvious
so is it any wonder why im feeling this way?
whenever it's that way...i'm always feeling that way
i know no one is to blame
but...
i just cant pretend that im happy anymore
really dont want to...i just dont wanna give a damn u know?

anyway...
i'm watching RO anime again! wee~
miss watching that..the only anime that i ever liked
sigh...the good ol' times
brings back memories lolx...
at least i can relate to the anime =)

n oh...today i flirted with a guy!
ok not really flirt....
well...it's been a while since i've been in love or even liked anyone
like a long long time ago...
normally if i see any lengchai i will look...
but if that guy notices me staring at him i would immediately look away
dont have the courage u see...
but today...i saw this cute tall guy...somewhat my type? the cool n yeng type lol
i looked abit but didnt really took notice
the next time i looked he was staring at me...Oo"
n then i did the unthinkable...well for me at least
i stared back! n maintained that eye contact while talking to my friends lol
n then we just looked at each other for like a while...
it continued on for quite some time...
until he finally passed my table n i looked down =/
but i could still see him staring from the corner of my eye though
not i bhb larh! its just that it's been a long while since anyone looked at me
im quite convinced that im unattractive see...
so its fun to enjoy the attention! =D
n to stare back =P

it's not that im lonely n that i need someone...
it isnt that way...though part of me thinks it is
the loneliness is...general....
i just...
i feel like im back at the time long ago
where i felt...unwanted

argh...i better stop here before i continue crapping any further